http://www.globalwrestlingrevolution.com/images/rumour_mill.gif
Ah, the summer. The season of
warmth,
bright light and
longer days. And with it, it brings
summer vacations,
time at the beach,
hot girls in bikinis,
ice cream,
exotic fruits...okay, okay, stop clearing your throat , the Mill will get to the point. With it, summer brings the thing we've all been waiting for. The Summer transfer window. Aside from giving the Rumour Mill
a job for the next two months or so, it also brings us
shocking transfers,
greedy agents,
disloyal players,
transfer sagas,
spending sprees...alright, alright, the Mill will stop.
Let's get
warmed up,
do a test drive,
dip our feet in the water,
taste the pie...Ow! Don't hit me, I'll get to the point, I swear! Let's get warmed up with the Mill's first transfer rumour of the summer.
Arsene Wenger will never get tired of signing French players. However this summer, instead of crossing the channel, he will drive up north to
Little France a.k.a
Newcastle and drive the
Toon's Hatem Ben Arfa back into England. Monsieur Wenger might need to pay the
Ligue 1 club in excess of
£13m, though.
Manchester United's
whining,
glory hunting,
be20ving,
not living in Manchestering fans have demanded for years that Sir Alex Ferguson do something about that gaping hole in the center of their midfield. It has appeared that the old Scot has finally heard them for the first time in twenty six years (which is surprising considering that Old Trafford is quieter than The Moon during home games and Fergie's hearing hasn't been the best of late.) To pacify them, he will sign either Napoli's
Marek Hamsik or Porto's
Joao Moutinho for a fee close to
£25m. Porto's chairman has responded to the interest from United by saying "If Joao leaves us, the fans needn't worry because we will make sure we find an equally good midfielder to replace him." Porto fans might have two reasons to worry though - one is that the only target the Portuguese champions have in mind is Kobenhavn's
Claudemir who they will grab for
£1.9m if Moutinho goes - and the second is that their chairman is a
big fat liar.
http://i1.mirror.co.uk/incoming/article797859.ece/ALTERNATES/s615/Joao%20Moutinho_138818630-797859.jpg
Joao Moutinho is weighing up a move to league runners-up Manchester United
The Mill has a bet going around the office about
exactly how many players moneybags outfit P$G will sign this summer. Sporting Director
Leonardo has said that the Parisian club will look to sign "
a handful" of players, prompting questions about how big the Brazilian's hand exactly is.
Moving on to
Deutschland, or the
Federal Republic of Germany, or
Germany...don't hit me again! Moving on to Germany, Bundesliga club
Stuttgart hope to wrap up the transfer of
Muller for a bargain
£3.4m. Unfortunately, the Muller the Mill is referring to is
not Bayern Munich's Thomas Muller, but
Mainz's Nicolai Muller, who was a bit-part player for the club last season. Not looking like much of a bargain now, eh?
Borussia Dortmund appear to be
buggered when defensive midfielder/captain
Sebastian Kehl leaves next summer. However, in an attempt to be just
bugged, the yellow people over at the Signal Iduna Park will hope to sign
stomach bug infected Manchester United midfielder Darren Fletcher by the end of next week. And unfortunately for Dortmund,
Polish striker Robert Lewandowski has had some silly thoughts planted in his head about him being bigger than the club - probably by his agent - and the 6'0" hit-man has been considering
putting in a transfer request. Manager Klopp has warned him that any attempt to leave will
result in him being paired with German international Mats Hummels in central defence, since Serbian defender
Neven Subotic is busy packing his bags for London, where he will
partner fellow Californian redwood tree Per Mertesacker at Arsenal. Now that's an outcome no one wants. Except maybe every other club that will play Dortmund this season.
http://cdn.theweek.co.uk/sites/theweek/files/styles/theweek_article_main_image/public/Darren%20Fletcher.jpg
Midfielder Darren Fletcher is feeling nauseous again after being linked with Dortmund
Bayern Munich will look to borrow
Dynamo Kiev's probably-virgin Brazilian winger Dudu,
sleep with him, and then
decide whether or not to keep him depending on how good the sex is. And since they can't find anyone to spend their money on, they will also
loan Genoa's Eros Pisano for cover at full-back, since their only fit one is
Kapitän fantastic Phillip Lahm.
http://www.sambafoot.com/datas/pictures/informations/2011-08/big/info_1314456750.jpg
Dynamo winger Dudu is already on the ground waiting for Bayern to uhh..get started.
That's it for today folks, the Mill will now go take a
14 hour nap. It's summer vacation, and the Mill wants to sleep in.