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Peter Packett's Potters

Started on 15 August 2012 by Rex_Wrex_Wrecks
Latest Reply on 25 August 2012 by Glenn T
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Chapter: 1 (this post) .::. 1.1 & 1.2 .::. 1.3 .::. 2 .::. 3 .::. 4 & 4.1 .::. 5 & 5.1 .::. 6 .::. 7 & 7.1

Chapter 1 - A Decision is Made

Peter Coates pulled the cigarette out of his mouth and tapped it gently on the ash-tray.

“I see,” he spoke into the cell phone, “well, thank you very much, Tony. Will you be delivering the news to the boys in person?”

“I’m sorry, Peter,” the voice on the other end replied, “I’m leaving tonight.”

“I see,” Coates repeated, “well, it’s been a pleasure, Tony. All the best, and remember, you’re always welcome back. Thanks. Bye.”

He cut the call and sighed. After almost a decade in charge, during which he had brought Stoke to the Premier League and guided them to their first ever FA Cup Final, Tony Pulis had just resigned due to personal reasons.

After smoking for a few minutes in silence, Coates walked over to a filing cabinet and pulled out a dusty old file. “Managerial Candidates”. He opened the file and started flipping through various CVs, most of which were outdated. Some of these managers had moved on to bigger and better things and were no longer available. Finally, he reached a document titled “Peter Packett’s Potters”. It was yet another unsolicited CV for the job of Manager. But Coates liked the alliteration and decided to save it, just for a laugh.

Coates took at seat at his desk and buzzed on the intercom, “Mary, be a dear and fix me a stiff one. And cancel all my calls and appointments for the day.” Then, with a sigh, he started analysing all the CVs.

A large number of hours and drinks later, Coates looked at his final two choices, and muttered to himself, “This is going to be either a big mistake or a huge success.”
He picked up the phone and dialled a number.

“It’s 11 pm, this better be important,” a sleepy voice slurred.

“This is Peter Coates,” Peter said.

After a few seconds of silence, the voice responded, “Sorry, donno ya, call again in th’ morning, bud, I’m asleep.”

“This is Peter Coates, chairman of Stoke City Football Club,” Peter persisted.

“Yeah, so?” the voice responded.

“Am I speaking to Peter Packett?” Coates asked.

“Yeah”, Packett grumbled.

“A couple of years ago, you were interested in managing my club?”
This is going to be interesting...
haha Good start!
Great start! I support Stoke so I will definitely be following this!
Looking Interesting.... Will Definitely be following

Chapter 1.1 - Peter Presents Peter

It was a cloudy Tuesday morning. The players had just returned from their holiday, and most of them were in the dressing room now. Some of them had found out through the newspaper that Pulis had left. Others had not. Nobody was quite prepared to go on to the pitch. They conversed confusedly amongst themselves. To make matters worse, there were no coaches to be seen.

In fact, the coaches were all assembled in the Manager's office. Peter Coates was standing next to a fairly short man, dressed in a pair of faded blue jeans, grey t-shirt and black windcheater. The staff's eyes were on the stranger. The stranger eyed them back through black-rimmed rectangular glasses. He stood casually, chewing on a bubble-gum.

"Gentlemen," Peter Coates announced, "allow me to introduce the new coach of Stoke City, Peter Packett."

The stranger nodded and made a small wave of his hand. Only a minority of the 19-member staff returned the friendly nod.

Chapter 1.2 - Bollocks and Bravado

An hour later, John Rudge, Director of Football at Stoke City FC, walked in to Peter Coates' office without knocking.

"Peter," he greeted, taking off his flat cap and taking a seat opposite the chairman.

"John," Coates acknowledged the greeting.

"What the bollocks do you think you're doing?"

Coates knew that not having taken Rudge into confidence earlier would probably ruffle his feathers. Still, he sighed and said, "Drop it, John. It's done. Tony needed to get away from England for a while. And frankly, I'm tired of running after the same old names. We've been stuck in mid-table for years now. Peter's a breath of fresh air. He's going to take the club in a new direction. I hope it's the upward direction."

"But Peter..." John continued his protest. Coates held up his hand to prevent him from continuing.

"Drop it, John," he repeated, "it's done now. Let's just support the lad, shall we?"

At that moment, someone knocked on the door, and without waiting for a reply, Peter Packett entered the room.

"Hello, gentlemen, nice to meet you," he said when he noticed John Rudge, "I'm Peter Packett."

"I'm John Rudge, Director of Football," John returned. He looked disapprovingly at Peter's choice of apparel. "You might want to re-consider wearing that," he said, pointing at the Manchester United badge on Peter's windcheater, "before the press takes your photograph."

"Oh, right," Peter smiled embarrassedly, "Big fan," he muttered, taking off the windcheater immediately.

"What are your plans for the squad, Peter?" John asked. "We've got one of the smallest squads in the league. You'll want to strengthen the full-back positions and we need some creativity in midfield as well. You might want to scout Mauro Formica. Oh, and Craig Gordon's available on a free, too."

"Thank you for your inputs, John," Peter replied, "I've already agreed a deal with Craig Gordon; he's coming over to sign the contract right now."

"Well!" John exclaimed, "that was quick!"

"Indeed!" Peter Coates added, "you're not going to spring any more surprises on us, are you?"

"Ah," Peter continued coolly, "This would be a good time to update you two on my meeting with the staff. I'm replacing Assistant Manager David Kemp with Tony Coton. Also, I've decided to terminate the contracts of at least 9 of the staff. I've already contacted a few people to replace them. So, basically, what I wanted from you is ... could you tell me how I go about getting access cards for the new guys?"
Loving the detail in this, i'm transfixed and nobody's even kicked a football yet! I'm following, even though it's Stoke ;)
You are doing a very good job of drawing readers in. Stoke is a very unique side, with the potential of being brilliant. Hope you build a dynasty here, rather than jump to a bigger club. Will be reading.
#63306 akash.vidyasagar : You are doing a very good job of drawing readers in. Stoke is a very unique side, with the potential of being brilliant. Hope you build a dynasty here, rather than jump to a bigger club. Will be reading.
Actually, I thought Stoke would have some brilliant or potentially brilliant players, but apart from Asmir Begovic, Shawcross and Huth, the rest of the side is mediocre, and the attacking options make me want to go to a corner of the room, switch off the lights and cry softly.

Chapter 1.3 -- An honest assessment

The following is an excerpt from the diary of Peter Packett

Right, so here I am, manager of Stoke City. I watched the players train this morning, and here's an honest assessment.

We were doing ok with Begovic and Sorensen, but thankfully, I've now signed Gordon on a free, who is likely to become my first-choice keeper. Might sell Sorensen. He's old enough to be my grandma's first boyfriend.

Shawcross and Huth are probably the only quality outfield players in the squad. We're doing ok in central defence, but really, I must ask ... why do I not have ANY fullbacks?. What exactly was Pulis' formation? Anyone who can play in full-back position seems to be slower than Wayne Rooney when he's asked to name the complete works of Shakespeare. Bugger.

We have some central midfielders who can tackle, but most of them probably don't know what a "pass" is. It's when you kick the ball with just enough force for it to reach another player near you. I think everyone's current understanding of a pass is "look for Kenwyne Jones' head and try to kick it with the ball." Also, I have just 2 wingers of any quality in the squad. Need reinforcements.

I think I've written this before (deja vu?), but my options in attack make me want to turn off the lights, sit in a corner and cry myself to sleep in a foetal position. Nobody can finish with their feet. And since my wingers can't cross properly, they can't quite finish with their heads either. Just one word: Screwed.

Sign some players. Good ones. Sell some players. Bad ones.
Build from the back (or something) ... that cliche.
Try to finish in top half of table.
Ask for a raise, higher transfer budget, a new sportscar, a new girlfriend, and a lifetime's supply of potato wafers.
Ok fine, I'll compromise on some of that.
I don't mind not getting the life-time supply of potato wafers. Everything else is a requirement.

very nice writing :)

Chapter 2 -- The Ins & Outs (Transfers)

Staff's Stiff Upper Lip

Peter Packett had just called a backroom meeting with his entire coaching staff. As they walked into the new manager's office, they noticed that he was in conversation with a tall, powerful-looking man.

Peter stood up and introduced the man, "Gentlemen, this is Tony Coton, my new Assistant Manager."

Coton surveyed the faces that looked at him, most of which appeared to be emotionless.

"I have another announcement to make," Peter continued, "I was told that I could offer mutual termination in case I wanted to replace some of you."

Upon hearing this, some of the coaches became visibly jittery. Others, meanwhile, stood perfectly calm, knowing full well the club would never get rid of them.

"Ronnie Sinclair and Denis Smith, get back to work. The rest of you," Peter cleared his throat, "thank you very much for your service to this club. You're fired."

La la la la la

Tony Coton waited impatiently for Packett to answer the phone.


"Peter, we got it! We got it!" Coton was clearly excited, "We got the Work Permit!"

"Ah, bloody brilliant. What was the name of the scout who told us we wouldn't?"

"Erm..." Coton hesitated, "Lindsay Pearsons."

"Fire him," Packett was authoritative.

"But boss..."Coton began to protest.

"Fire the rest of the scouts too. They're useless. I'm going to send you a list of potential new scouts. Let's try to get them in."

Peter disconnected. Sitting back in his chair, he felt quietly proud. The capture of South Africa's World Cup hero Siphiwe Tshabalala for just 350,000 was a coup. And he was sure that the fans would appreciate this new signing too.

After weeks of trying to get players in on budget deals and free transfers, and being laughed at outright by a few agents, Packett was just about ready to strangle a few of them with his bare hands. Either the club's reputation in the international scene wasn't as good as he thought, or his own reputation was meagre. Most likely a combination of both factors. It didn't help that the press referred to him as "Unknown manager".

Packett also felt that the players had not taken a keen sense of liking to him yet.

Sighing, he lit up a cigarette.
Nice touch with the newspaper headlines gurdit!
liking this story, sucked me in i'll keep reading
Awesomely brilliant. Continue, will surely be reading. This is up there with Akash's story! Best stories on FMSCOUT so far!

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