EXCLUSIVE: Interview with Daniel Levy
Here, you can have a look at our exclusive interview with Tottenham Hotspur chairman Daniel Levy. He answers questions about the sacking of Pochettino, his possible successors, and… you asked some very strange questions. See him answer some of them here.
First of all, thank you for being with us. How are you today?
Honestly I’m not very good. I tried to make a smoothie with the bones of a dead rabbit I found on the street and it broke my blender. Then, when I went down to PC World to get myself a new one, I got kicked out. Then my agent tells me I’ve got this interview… that might be the worst thing to have happened today.
We’ll just ignore that and move on. Do you care to explain why Mauricio Pochettino was sacked?
Just ignore that? I am Daniel Levy and I am not one to be ignored! When I talk, you listen, and you respect the opinion of The Special One!
Right, right, sorry. Do you care to explain why Pochettino was sacked?
Who’s Pochettino? Oh, Maurine. Yes, I sacked Maurine. I wanted to finish in the top ten in the Premier League but we only finished fifth. I was disgusted with Marley’s performances as Tootenham manager and I sacked him because power is wonderful. Also, he speaks like Russian or something and I don’t trust Russians.
I… uh… I don’t think anyone does. Who do you have lined up to replace him?
Me want to look at John Carver, because he is an excellent manager. Just look, he took Newcastle from 10th right to 17th! That is a skilled manager, that’s so many points. Tottenbeef are useless, only getting 6th every year. We need to get 20th this season, or our next manager will be set on fire too.
Set on fire…? Moving on. Who do you see as the star player of Tottenham?
Definitely Juande Ramos. Actually, thinking about it, Hannah Gomis is a very good player too and I am hoping he does well this season.
You appear to have become confused.
Did I ask you to check my mental state? Ask me more questions before I set my rabbit on you!
Dammit, I tried to make a smoothie out of it.
Let’s move on. Do you think you can do better than rivals Arsenal this season?
We’ve always done better than Arsemall! They always come 4th, but we’re 6th. That’s somewhat better. We are, by far, the best club in Southampton.
Okay, let’s see what the fans have to ask you. TheKingOfTroll69 asks “What am I?”
You are just little mouse.
...right. PCPlod asks “Have you ever sucked poo?”
Of course I have, it’s my favourite hobby. Sometimes, Arsene Wenger and I meet up and-
NO. Here’s a question from BlatterPlatter$$$, who asks “Why haven’t you paid me?”
Because, Sepp Blatter, you are useless! I wanted you to take us to the top! But you took us far, far away! Down the league table! And you didn’t fix all of the news websites who put the league tables upside down! You had too many chances with me and now I’ve stopped paying you my millions! There! I said it!
You are quite a character.
I didn’t ask for a compliment.
Believe me, it wasn’t. Tammy asks “When are you going to give up and stop being Spurs chairman?”
Never! Never I say! I am making millions off this club managing business, and I’d never give it up! Unless an offer from McDonalds pops up again. McDonalds is my favourite food.
I suppose that answers the next question, from NotRonald?
Why? What did they ask?
...never mind. Well, it’s been an experience having you for an interview, but that’s all we have time or mental capacity for.
YOU do not get to end the interview! I end the interview! You have no power over me. Wait! Why are you leaving? Don’t you dare take that camera away! I AM WARNING YOU! I WILL SHOVE MY FOOT SO FAR UP YOUR ASS THAT YOU WILL-
We turned the camera off there.