Looking back, I have come so far... I still get flashbacks from that cold night in December, Christmas Day as it happens. Looking down at the water beneath me, staring down at my reflection, thinking the worst. I was in a dark place with no hope and I was close to the end. Failure after failure, let down after let down... I'd had enough. Christmas Day 2016 was going to the end of the pain and trauma caused by the people that were supposed to care for me. Except... it wasn't.
Tears streamed down my face as I awaited my body to release the tension and end it all. The abuse I had received from home and my supposed friends was all about to stop and I would soon be free. The only person who cared about me had gone, killed by a sudden heart attack right in front of my eyes. I was there, trying to save my own grandfather from dying, pounding his heart in an attempt to resuscitate him as the paramedics raced to get to my address.
When they arrived, they had taken over from me. I knew that he was strong, I thought he would recover but as I stood by his hospital bed overnight, all through the next morning and afternoon, I knew that the only thing keeping him going was the life support that he was on. My suspicions were confirmed by the nurse and at 00:38am, he was gone. My whole life had crumbled, my only ounce of support was gone and I was thrust into the world without anyone at just 19.
My family life was a mess. My mother was an alcoholic and would constantly fight with my father, it prompted me to move away from them as soon as I was able to. Beside the two of them, everyone was either dead or had moved away, can't say I blame the latter - I would too if I could. My own abode wasn't the most attractive, but I was able to say I have a roof over my head and can support myself due to the job I have.
Beside that, I had just come out of a relationship that seemed all flash, but in reality was nothing more than lies. I was constantly told that I was 'the one' and that 'nothing would ever come between us' yet when I opened the bedroom door one day and saw two bodies laying in a bed, completely naked, well work it out for yourself. We had been dating since we were fifthteen, turns out that my darling partner had been seeing someone on the side for three years. You could just imagine how shattered I felt.
Feeling fragile, weak, alone... I had no option. I had nobody to turn to anymore and so it led me to considering to take my own life. I would have been better off away from this car-crash of a life. I shivered as the cold battered against me, finally about to take the trip of a lifetime, I was pulled away from the edge. I turned around to see a man behind me who grabbed me and walked me over to a nearby bench.
I struggled to get any words out as he asked me just why I was going to do what I did. He recognised the fact I was shaken and walked me down the promenade towards his car in which I was told to get inside of. Right now, I didn't care what the consequences could have been and I didn't care where I was going. It was like a game of twenty one questions when he got inside the vehicle and eventually he squeezed every bit of information out of me. Truth be told, I needed that, I needed someone to listen.
I felt a sense of trust in somebody again. It was strange how I had gone from feeling like I had nobody to feeling like I mattered to someone in a matter of moments. But looking back on that night, I had a mixture of thoughts... what could have been if he wasn't there for me? As right now, I hate what that night would have taken away from me...