FMM Story
S6E6 – November-December 2025
(Leamington FC, Premier League)
“I didn’t expect it to be like this,” my father says as I relinquish my hold on the door; I’d tried to keep him from seeing inside the spare room, but now he had, and his face wore an expression of pain as he surveyed the scene. Surrounding my desk were reams, stacks, unlit pyres of paper, each an indecipherable scrawl of notes and annotations in black, blue, green, red ink. My father peels off a sticky note from one of the stacks – ELLIS JONES, it reads in neat block capitals. “They said you’d been distracted recently, but this… I mean, is this… normal?”
. . . . .”Of course it’s normal,” I snap, snatching the post-it from his fingers and adhering it back to the stack. “Loads of people do it.”
. . . . .He persists. “It’s just, you don’t see it on the TV, do you?”
. . . . .”TV? What’s that got to do with it?”
. . . . .”Well, you just see Jose or whoever, they’re running round with a clipboard and arguing with journos. It’s sort of, glamour, isn’t it?”
. . . . .”I’m not Jose Mourinho, though, am I? I’m just…” Just what? I pull another post-it note – REECE OXFORD – from his hand. “It’s just my hobby. I don’t tell you about, well, whatever you do. Grow tomatoes? Get nagged by Mum?”
“Probably right on the last one,” my father says solemnly, smiling in spite of himself. I turn to let some air into the small room, hearing him let out a brief sign. “Look, I know it’s your job and everything, but this doesn’t look fun. It looks like an obsession.”
(1 – 0) Leeds United (A) PL – D Happe (1)
(4 – 1) Tottenham Hotspur (A) PL – D Avenell (1), D Adeniran (1), E Jones (1), S Greenwood (1)
(5 – 1) Derby County (H) PL – A Milik (1), M Edwards (2), L Ilic (1), E Laird (1)
(0 – 1) Crystal Palace (A) PL –
(2 – 0) Southampton (A) PL – R Dodoo (1), S Greenwood (1)
(3 – 0) Newcastle United (A) PL – D Avenell (1)
(2 – 0) Arsenal (H) PL – A Milik (1), L Ilic (1)
(2 – 0) Aston Villa (A) CCQ – D Avenell (2)
(1 – 0) Blackburn Rovers (H) PL – S Greenwood (1)
(2 – 0) Bristol City (H) PL – D Avenell (2)
(4 – 0) West Ham United (A) PL – A Milik (3), M Edwards (1)
Through December, we managed 7 games without conceding; the record for consecutive clean sheets is 14, held by Sir Alex Ferguson’s 2008/09 Manchester United side, a record we don’t expect and will not beat. However, our next game is Liverpool, and if we are able to record a clean sheet in that game, it would put us joint third in Premier League history. Defence has been key this season, particularly our sheer physical prowess: I’ve measured that our centre-backs have an average pace of 14.8 and strength of 16.7, while our full-backs come in with 15.8 pace; and add to this that our defensive midfielders, Robbie Dodoo and Trevoh Chalobah chip in with 15+ pace each, this is a team that plays high, closes fast, and doesn’t get bullied in set pieces – we never concede from corners, through balls or crosses.
At the same time, I have suffered something of a crisis, as this level of success is not merely unrealistic, but totally unbelievable, and I feel this is starting to become detrimental to my reputation (not that I have one) as a story teller. I can only appeal to the good nature of the readers in giving me the benefit of the doubt, as I am as one with you in thinking that these sorts of results only originate in cheating, which I most certainly am not doing. I have, keenly aware of the optics of this, attempted these last few seasons to properly detail from whence the successes have come; in short, recruitment policies with a focus on youth and with a profit motive, careful consideration of the skills and suitability of my squad tactically, and thus in both cases intensive role specialisation with player development. I don’t envisage the club taking any turn for the worse, which – I say with some discomfort – is likely to end in Leamington coming away with the Premier League title in our debut season. This doesn’t happen in real life… does it?
S6E6 – November-December 2025
(Leamington FC, Premier League)
“I didn’t expect it to be like this,” my father says as I relinquish my hold on the door; I’d tried to keep him from seeing inside the spare room, but now he had, and his face wore an expression of pain as he surveyed the scene. Surrounding my desk were reams, stacks, unlit pyres of paper, each an indecipherable scrawl of notes and annotations in black, blue, green, red ink. My father peels off a sticky note from one of the stacks – ELLIS JONES, it reads in neat block capitals. “They said you’d been distracted recently, but this… I mean, is this… normal?”
. . . . .”Of course it’s normal,” I snap, snatching the post-it from his fingers and adhering it back to the stack. “Loads of people do it.”
. . . . .He persists. “It’s just, you don’t see it on the TV, do you?”
. . . . .”TV? What’s that got to do with it?”
. . . . .”Well, you just see Jose or whoever, they’re running round with a clipboard and arguing with journos. It’s sort of, glamour, isn’t it?”
. . . . .”I’m not Jose Mourinho, though, am I? I’m just…” Just what? I pull another post-it note – REECE OXFORD – from his hand. “It’s just my hobby. I don’t tell you about, well, whatever you do. Grow tomatoes? Get nagged by Mum?”
“Probably right on the last one,” my father says solemnly, smiling in spite of himself. I turn to let some air into the small room, hearing him let out a brief sign. “Look, I know it’s your job and everything, but this doesn’t look fun. It looks like an obsession.”
(1 – 0) Leeds United (A) PL – D Happe (1)
(4 – 1) Tottenham Hotspur (A) PL – D Avenell (1), D Adeniran (1), E Jones (1), S Greenwood (1)
(5 – 1) Derby County (H) PL – A Milik (1), M Edwards (2), L Ilic (1), E Laird (1)
(0 – 1) Crystal Palace (A) PL –
(2 – 0) Southampton (A) PL – R Dodoo (1), S Greenwood (1)
(3 – 0) Newcastle United (A) PL – D Avenell (1)
(2 – 0) Arsenal (H) PL – A Milik (1), L Ilic (1)
(2 – 0) Aston Villa (A) CCQ – D Avenell (2)
(1 – 0) Blackburn Rovers (H) PL – S Greenwood (1)
(2 – 0) Bristol City (H) PL – D Avenell (2)
(4 – 0) West Ham United (A) PL – A Milik (3), M Edwards (1)
Through December, we managed 7 games without conceding; the record for consecutive clean sheets is 14, held by Sir Alex Ferguson’s 2008/09 Manchester United side, a record we don’t expect and will not beat. However, our next game is Liverpool, and if we are able to record a clean sheet in that game, it would put us joint third in Premier League history. Defence has been key this season, particularly our sheer physical prowess: I’ve measured that our centre-backs have an average pace of 14.8 and strength of 16.7, while our full-backs come in with 15.8 pace; and add to this that our defensive midfielders, Robbie Dodoo and Trevoh Chalobah chip in with 15+ pace each, this is a team that plays high, closes fast, and doesn’t get bullied in set pieces – we never concede from corners, through balls or crosses.
At the same time, I have suffered something of a crisis, as this level of success is not merely unrealistic, but totally unbelievable, and I feel this is starting to become detrimental to my reputation (not that I have one) as a story teller. I can only appeal to the good nature of the readers in giving me the benefit of the doubt, as I am as one with you in thinking that these sorts of results only originate in cheating, which I most certainly am not doing. I have, keenly aware of the optics of this, attempted these last few seasons to properly detail from whence the successes have come; in short, recruitment policies with a focus on youth and with a profit motive, careful consideration of the skills and suitability of my squad tactically, and thus in both cases intensive role specialisation with player development. I don’t envisage the club taking any turn for the worse, which – I say with some discomfort – is likely to end in Leamington coming away with the Premier League title in our debut season. This doesn’t happen in real life… does it?