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Times Of Desperation - Crystal Palace

Started on 31 December 2013 by DeanByrne1995
Latest Reply on 1 January 2014 by Josh_MU
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DeanByrne1995's avatar Group DeanByrne1995
11 years

Palace Still Managerless

Ian Holloway last season


Almost three weeks after Ian Holloway resigned from his post with Crystal Palace, there still seems to nobody in contention for the job. Palace have been searching for a new manager since Holloway decided that the job was too demanding for him and needed time away from football. However, according to club chairman Steve Parish there has been no applicant with "credible qualifications".

"At the moment we are still welcoming candidates to apply for the job. We have been disappointed with the lack of applicants and would prefer to make an appointment in the coming days. The manager needs time to get to know his team and therefore a quick appointment is necessary with the new season looming"

Crystal Palace won promotion to the Premier League through the dreaded play-offs, defeating Watford in the final under manager Ian Holloway.
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MJK46's avatar Group MJK46
11 years
Good luck man
1
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DeanByrne1995's avatar Group DeanByrne1995
11 years

Taxi Driver - Where are we off to today?
Selhurst Park please, just down in South Norwood.

No problem, I thought them football games were only on at weekends?
Well, am, Generally yes. I have an interview scheduled with the Chairman for a new position. Do you recognise me?

*Cabby Turns Around*

Ah you're (says name). I seen you on the television just the other day, Jesus I never even copped you. Your hardly looking for a new job, and in football?
I'll have you know I'm a football man. Some have criticised me in my current job and say I'm not cut out for it. Football could change me.

No disrespect or anything but if you are successful there will be a public uproar, will you leave your current post?
Yes, I will focus all my time on football. Now please can we go or I'll be late.











Steve Parish - Welcome (says name). Take a seat and we'll get the show on the road.
Thanks for having me, it's a pleasure.


Ok well straight away there's an elephant in the room here. You already have a position of power and if I appointed you there would be huge media attention on our club. Does anybody else know your here?
No Sir, just a very kind taxi man who promised he wouldn't tell. He was a gentlemen.


Good Jesus, anyway why do you want to get into football?
It's the greatest game ever, I think I have a formula that can win us the world cup too.


The world cup? We're a bloody club, not a country??
Yes, of course I meant the Champions League


aarh. You have no qualifications in football, no past experience and are only likely to bring negative attention to our club, we have no reason to appoint you.
Why?


What do you mean why? Please just leave my office and we'll be in touch.
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DeanByrne1995's avatar Group DeanByrne1995
11 years





Steve Parish - Crystal Palace Chariman


Hello is this (says name)?
Yes good evening Mr.Parish, what circumstances brings you to this call?


*Steve Parish sighs*

Basically your the only candidate for the job. It's baffling that nobody would like the challenge of managing in the Premier League, I mean seriously you are the only candidate that applied. We are going to be the laughing stock of the football world, you do realise that!
Thank you Mr.Parish


Do you even know how big a challenge this will be? I've worked my socks off to get us where we are, and now it will be up to you to keep us here. I can't believe I'm saying this but you will be the next manager of Crystal Palace...
Oh my word, fantastic news! Trust me you won't regret this decision Mr.Parish, I'm going to be a better manager than Pele ever was!

*Steve Parish breaks into tears*
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Josh_MU's avatar Group Josh_MU
11 years
Interesting! I can't wait to see who the manager is!
1
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DeanByrne1995's avatar Group DeanByrne1995
11 years
Cheers mate! Let's just say he's quiet a character :)
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DeanByrne1995's avatar Group DeanByrne1995
11 years

Palace head coach imminent

Steve Parish, Chairman of Crystal Palace


Steve Parish has promised fans that a new "Head Coach" will be unveiled tomorrow but was adamant that it was only for the short future. The decision to give the incoming person the title of head coach seems to suggest that whoever is entering Selhurst Park was not the chairman's first choice and perhaps the lack of applicants forced him into a quick, possibly bizarre decision.

The worlds media will gather tomorrow at noon to see the televised presentation, and we caught up with some Eagles fans to see their views on it.


"It's a shambles really, just a few weeks away from the start of the season you know what I mean. This should be a great time for the club but off the field we really are a shambles."



"Yeah the announcement's tomorrow and I'd love to see us get someone like Tony Pulis who knows how to keep teams who came up in the division. Ok people will say we will play unattractive football under him but to me he has to be the favourite."



"Every Tom, Dick and Harry been linked with the job at the moment and to be honest I wish Ollie (Ian Holloway) was still here."




"Alex Ferguson...."




So the Palace fans are split between who they want to takeover their club. Whoever it is will face Aston Villa away in the first game of the domestic season.
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Louis O.'s avatar Group Louis O.
11 years
In your conversation with Parish, you mentioned Pele. Pele wasn't a manager, was that the joke? :P
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Arvind's avatar Group Arvind
11 years
Umm...David Cameron? xD
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TylerK's avatar Group TylerK
11 years
Great start!
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DeanByrne1995's avatar Group DeanByrne1995
11 years
@Louis - Yes it was a joke! Just a few clues into the clumsy nature of the soon to be manager :)

@Arvind - Maybe, maybe not ;) Thinking along the right lines though

@TK69 - Cheers mate!
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DeanByrne1995's avatar Group DeanByrne1995
11 years

Boris Johnson Appointed Eagles Boss!

Former London Mayor


Crystal Palace have sensationally announced that the Mayor of London, Boris Johnson will take control of the team on a temporary basis. The announcement was made at a press conference held within Selhurst Park where there was huge media attention awaiting the unveiling of the new manager. Steve Parish first entered the room alongside two club directors and spoke to the media for a brief time again getting the point across that it was just a short term plan. Boris then walked into the press conference too early but stayed nevertheless.

Boris, who has now resigned from his role as Mayor of London is said to be relishing the task of keeping Palace in the Premier League and hopes he will not have to go back into politics any time soon.


"I know many of you may not have expected me to take on such a role but it's something I have considered for a very very very long time. As soon as I went into the meeting with Steve I knew he was impressed. I can promise all our fans that I will do my best to keep the Blackbirds in the league this season, I know I have the ability to do it."


Boris Pictured Above



Boris will unfortunately be given a baptism of fire in the football world, with his side facing the likes of Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool and both Manchester Clubs in their first 10 games.
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Josh_MU's avatar Group Josh_MU
11 years
LOL Got to love Boris!
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