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Newcastle United - Rise of the Toon

Started on 11 June 2014 by swanny8589
Latest Reply on 13 June 2014 by swanny8589
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swanny8589's avatar Group swanny8589
11 years

Alan Pardew walks
Newcastle United manager Alan Pardew has sensationally walked out on the club after several high profile run ins with owner Mike Ashley, Pardew has released a statement to the press

"Im hear to announce my resignation from Newcastle United because i cant bear being around that fat f#%k Mike Ashley anymore, hes doing nothing but running this marvellous club into the ground, i wish the club and most importantly the fans all the best for the future, good luck to the next manager"

Meanwhile in Australia


and the referee blows for full time!! thats it Belconnen Blue Devils have won their 3rd NSW premier league title in a row, manager Shane Swanston has done a great job with this team of semi professional footballer.
as i walked toward the dressing room i recieve phone call from a private number, 'who could this be' I said to myself

Hello, whos this?
its Newcastle United Chairman Mike Ashley, i just wanna congratulate you on winning the NSW Premier League and would like to personally fly you out to our Benton training ground for further discussion, ill send my private jet out to get you, be ready at 6am tomorrow morning at Canberra airport
"ok ok ok, ill see you later on tomorrow i guess", and I hung up
am i about to be appointed as Newcastle United manager? surely not, i guess ill see tomorrow. me and the lads continued to party long and hard into the night
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swanny8589's avatar Group swanny8589
11 years

Off to England
5;55am and walking through the airport gates I see a massive private jet, holy shit I said to my self that's gotta my ride right there. two well dressed men appeared as the doors opened, Shane Swanston? once of the men asked, "yes that's me" well get on they said, and away we went

we arrived at the Benton training facilities at 3:25 the next morning, people everywhere at the training ground "surely they cant be hear to see me, im only a little fish in a big pond.. we made our way to a packed conference room where Mike Ashley accompanied me..
lights were gleaming, people everywhere, microphones, journalists ive never seen so many people in my life, Mike AShley started off the press conference which lasted roughly 25 minutes, once he was done Ashley turned to me and said " shane is there anything you would like to say?

hello ladies and gentlemen, im shane swanston the new manager here at Newcastle United, though none of you have heard of me Id just like to say ill bring trophies to this club and we will bring a very attractive brand of football you have all been craving for many years.
ill see you all soon, "I walked out and headed towards my new office where work begins now
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swanny8589's avatar Group swanny8589
11 years
Pre-Season - time to stamp my authority

after my first week in charge of the club id spent a fair bit of time with the under 18's to see what our youth squad was producing, ohh was i un-impressed id never seen such shit in my life. i thought to myself i have to release these players that arnt upto standard so i tore up the contracts of 11 players there and then

but saying all this we did sign two very promising young footballers

Neal Maupay is a 16yr french phenom and came for a price of 9.5m, but the potential this kid has is immense so i was willing to pay the fee

next was 19yr old belgian starlet Dennis Praet who came for 10m, like Maupay, praet is a future star of the game so its actually a small price to pay considering his talent

im hoping for a very strong pre-season from these lads so they can stake there claim for first team football sooner rather than later
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swanny8589's avatar Group swanny8589
11 years
]Preseason - done and dusted

preseason was deemed a success based on performances and results, staying unbeaten is definitely a morale booster, our only minor blemish would be the 3-3 draw with Barnsley but we played very well in that match so I cant complain

bringing in new staff was a must because the club were quite low on quality in this department, I decided to bring in Ralf Rangwick as my director of football and he will help me discuss transfers. I will have the final say though as any manager should. John Carver was immediately released as my assistant manager, Bruno demichelis taking his place


the Capital One Cup second round has given us a potential tricky tie first up against Blackburn Rovers, I do believe we have the quality to progress but we must not get complacent
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Griffo's avatar Group Griffo
11 years
How did you manage to bring Maupay to Newcastle?
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swanny8589's avatar Group swanny8589
11 years
@Griffo , tbh I was a bit shocked Maupay wanted to sign but he told the press he was thrilled to join such a reputable club, Praet is no slouch either
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swanny8589's avatar Group swanny8589
11 years

August - Nightmare start

we kicked off the Barclays Premier League season with a 1-0 home win over West Ham which was far from convincing. it took us 85 minuted to break the deadlock with a goal from captain Coloccini, our second match was dreadful and Aston Villa punished us

so after 2 matches we sit 10th which could get alot worse because coming up we have Tottenham, Manchester United and Liverpool and Chelsea in our next 4 matches


bloody dreadful performance, i personally havnt seen a worse performance from a top flight side in years. Blackburn Rovers put us to the sword and they deserve there victory
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Feliks's avatar Group Feliks
11 years
unlucky mate, hopefully you can turn it around
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swanny8589's avatar Group swanny8589
11 years

September



Well we couldnt have asked for a much harder month and we came out fairly unscathed picking up 5 points out of a possible 12. our defence is still looking pretty shaky but are becoming more solid as each game passes

we are still in 10th place but havnt really dropped off the pace for european football, and as long as the gap doesnt bridge too far i believe my squad have the ability to have a serious crack later in the season

Managers player of the month
Without a doubt Fabricio Coloccini has got my vote for player of the month, in our last four matches our defence took a battering but this man has stood like a rock, his influence as a captain is second to none and his partnership with Mbiwa is starting to look quite decent
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Jer's avatar Group Jer
11 years
Wow, great results!
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Griffo's avatar Group Griffo
11 years
Good effort against quality opposition!
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swanny8589's avatar Group swanny8589
11 years

Injury News


Cheick Tiote has been ruled out for upto a month with a sports Hernia sustained during Ivory Coasts recent World Cup qualifier against Tunisia,
Tiote is a huge loss to the squad with Newcastle United already down to bare bones in midfield
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swanny8589's avatar Group swanny8589
11 years

October

Talk about a mixed bag of results.. we began October with two fairly comfortable wins and were looking quite strong defensively, everything looked to be finally coming together than we faced Southampton and played bloody horrible, the less we speak about that match the better

we sit 8th and have not found any kind of consistency thus far. we are not getting worried yet but results need to improve soon.

November preview


In November we have 4 matches with the first game being the Tyne-Wear derby, fans will be expecting nothing but a win from
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Griffo's avatar Group Griffo
11 years
Still not in a bad position considering you have played most of the big sides early on!
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swanny8589's avatar Group swanny8589
11 years

Injury News
Newcastle United have been rocked by further injuries with talismatic goalkeeper Tim Krul ruled out for 5-6 weeks with a hamstring tear, his deputy Rob Elliot will be called into fill the Dutchman's boots
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