A journalist enters his office in Bradford

Well, the door is nice enough, maybe it is an indication that my first task at The Sun will be a good one. I have a sports science degree at Cambridge, and I have played rugby as full-back lots of times in the past. I hope my first task involves sport.

My Boss
Me

I heard you had a degree in sports science, Tom. Is that right?

Yeah, that's right.

Good then, I have decided to task you with following he English national football team.

Well to be honest boss, I prefer rugby.

Nobody's making you work here. And besides, everything involving rugby is already being covered. Surely you want to witness your country have success in their own national sport?

Surely there's nothing to repor...

Roy Hodgson just resigned. So did the assistant manager, whatever his name was. It is your task to cover everything on the England squad.

I don't think I really have a choice, boss.

Yes you do, do this or get fired

I guess I'll have to do England then...

Good start, good luck!

This is my first article for the sun, and I am sitting here waiting the anticipated news for the new manager and assistant manager of the English national football team. We are still unsure why Roy Hodgson and his assistant Ray Lewington resigned from their posts, but what we do know is that the new manager of this nation will be confirmed today. At the moment, Harry Redknapp is favourite to be England manager, followed by Jose Mourinho, Gary Neville and Pep Guardiola.

Just as I finished typing up this piece for my article, this guy comes in:

http://www.bachrachoutlet.com/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/0/9/0991-80523-GREY.jpg

For a second, everyone gathered here thought that is was Rio Ferdinand. It wasn't. So I said:

"Excuse me, do you know when we will get to see the new England manager?"

He responded with an answer that blew us all away.

I am the new England manager...

http://www.fm-base.co.uk/forum/attachments/football-manager-2014-manager-stories/503091d1392757275-saving-man-utd-sun.jpg

New England Manager Speaks

The new England manager was announced today. A completely unknown Tom Brown has been appointed as manager. He didn't have time to answer questions, but he did have this statement to say.

"I am very happy to have this opportunity to be appointed as England manager, however I know that I am completely unknown to everybody in this room. I have played semi-pro football, but a few injuries have set me back. It is not because of my experience, but my managerial abilities, that I have been appointed by the FA.

I will announce my assistant manager in due course, that is what I am going to do after this conference. I will also do a revision of the staff here, and bring in some of the best staff available to us.

Thank you for your time."

After this interview, I met with Tom. He said that he didn't want anything that he said to be on record in this newspaper, but he did say that he would inform me of any news before it becomes public.

New England staff

In succession to Ray Lewington, who left England when Roy Hodgson did, Manfred Dubski (pictured) of Schalke 04 has been appointed as assistant manager of England.
Also, Noel Blake has been sacked as manager of England U19. After a search that included Arsene Wenger (Arsenal) and Salvatore Cerrone (Inter), Tom Brown appointed Paul Gludovatz (pictured below) as manager:

England manager Tom Brown had this to say on his appointment.
"I have selected these two members of staff on ability rather than experience, just like I was. I wouldn't have appointed anyone, especially not a foreigner, if he wasn't good enough.