DRUG LORD LOUIS VAN GAAL ARRESTED
Today a shock-wave of horror was sent around Manchester United's faithful and loyal fans as news has broke that their soon-to-be manager, Dutchman Louis Van Gaal, has been arrested and charged for countless crimes related to the largest drugs scandal that Europe has ever seen. It has been discovered that Van Gaal had been running his managerial career to cover up his second-life. The gang, originating from the regain in Amsterdam that Louis had grew up on, has been supplying the UK and Mainland Europe with Illegal Substances from Cocaine to Crystal Methamphetamine since the 1980s. Police in the UK are stating that this breakthrough will be a large climb on their war against Drugs.
It was a small tip from a source in Amsterdam that alarmed police in Hull that a number of passengers on a P&O cruise were smuggling a phenomenal amount of Crack Cocaine into the country and that a 'large figure' was to be aboard, helping and watching over the stock. A group of heroic officers waited for the ship to dock before arresting the man that they thought was the 'large figure' only to realise that it was England legend Paul Gascoigne returning from a weekend away in Holland. As they released Gascoigne, Louis stepped off the ship and after a search of his luggage officers found a large amount of cocaine and the Dutchman confessed about his sins and is now facing life in Jail.
Officer PC Plod was available to give a statement after the news initially broke. "Yesterday ended a 30 year investigation into one of the most evil and brutal gangs in history. We are all glad that this monster of a man and his followers are now behind bars. He has ruined lives and now all he can do is suck a poo."
No official statement has been provided by Manchester United Football Club, however we are expecting that the person to take the club forward shall be announced shortly.
