The Neville Diaries - Wayne Rooney
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I have been England manager for less than a month, and already I have kicked up a storm. My announcement of the new system, of my backroom, and the announcement of Rooney's betrayal, have caused no end of fascination to the tabloids. They call my system "bogus", my appointments "biased" and they call Rooney "a backstabber". I disagree with two of those statements.
I won't go back on my system or my dealings, but one thing I can do for the screaming English public is deal with Wayne Rooney.
"You wanted to see me, Gary?"
"Boss will do just fine Wayne, have a seat."
Wayne had barely sat down before launching into his (obviously planned) speech.
"Look, Gary - I mean, boss - I'm sincerely sorry about what I did. I didn't think Hodgson could cut it, but I know what I did wasn't the right way to go about it. I'm ready to move on and look upwards and onwards, and it won't happen again."
I looked at him for a second before rubbing my temple and sitting down behind the desk.
"Look, Wayne, you're a great captain, I'll give you that. Club and country. You're a fantastic player, and rest assured, this won't get between you and England selection. But this isn't the first time you've done something like this. You took Fergie for a ride at United and now you've taken Hodgson for a ride with very serious consequences. You have any idea what that makes you look like? I can't trust you Wayne, not anymore. What's to say you won't do that to me?"
"So what are you saying? You just said I'm still in the squad, so obviously -"
I took a deep breath and made a career-altering decision.
"Wayne, I'm stripping you of the captaincy, effective immediately."
Rooney sat there dumbstruck for a second before a look of rage passed across his face.
"You're not serious! You can't do this to me!"
"I'm afraid I can Wayne, and I have to. Your actions are not befitting a leader of this team."
"Who the fuck are you going to get to replace me then? I'm the last decent guy left! Terry, Lampard, Gerrard, Cole, Ferdinand - they're all gone!"
"Perhaps if you think that poorly of the current squad, I might reconsider your place in the side."
"Look, boss, I'm going to give you two months to reconsider. I'm making myself unavailable for selection in those two months. We'll talk later."
The fucker made to walk out but I steamed around the side of my desk and grabbed him by the shoulder.
"Listen to me, you insolent child. You DO NOT make that kind of demand in my office. I don't know half the shit Roy let you get up to, but I am NOT taking that shit in my tenure. Now, I'll graciously accept your two months leave, and by the time you come back, you better be here with an apology or so help me you will never, NEVER, break Charlton's record in my tenure."
With a grunt, Rooney left my office, and I wouldn't see him there again for another 67 days.