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Manchester United - It's All Lies

A Financially Twisted Story
Started on 30 March 2013 by JamieFMS
Latest Reply on 11 August 2013 by Jozef
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Looking forward to seeing United in the Blue Square :P
Deleted's avatar Deleted

Last Updated: 20th June 2012

Usain Bolt Is Now The Owner Of Manchester United

Usain Bolt was today announced owner of the trying to be reformed Manchester United but how far will his money go and what are his plans?

Surely even Usain Bolt cannot afford the on goings at the club on his own so we had a few questions to ask him.

"Firstly what's your plans?"

"I have a meeting this week with about 10/11 directors to get on my side and provide some cash for when we eventually get going and climbing the leagues, I've been a fan of Manchester United for a long time and to see the situation they are in is gutting."

"What about a manager, do you have anyone in mind yet?"

"I want to try and do everything day by day at the minute once i get some directors on board and we know what we have to spend then we will more than likely discuss a manager but until then we have so much to do"

"Do you plan on keeping any of the players?"

"No, I simply cannot afford the wages so near enough every single senior player will be gone. I've only been here a day and Wayne Rooney has already asked if he can leave"

So there we have it, Usain Bolt by the sounds of it has some plans to get United back into the world of the top flight of English football but with a 35 point deduction at going into the BSP if things are not sorted pretty quickly they could end up playing in the Blue Square North.
Nice twist! Will Usain be forcing the manager to pick him every week?
Deleted's avatar Deleted

Last Updated: 24th June 2012

Manchester United Are A Laughing Stock, Mancini

A rare moment in football history as Mancini was pictured laughing about the situation at United deciding to make Usain Bolt the owner of the club.

"No disrespect to Bolt but he hasn't got a clue how to run a football club, he's a gold medalist in running not running of a football club"

"Mancini continues to laugh*"

"Mancini won't stop laughing*"

"Mancini is now crying with laughter*"

"There will only be one club in Manchester now and that is Manchester City, maybe we'll see United in 30 years"

Very strong words from the Manchester City manager which probably won't go down well with the United fans as there already angry but this would just wind them up even more.

Deleted's avatar Deleted

Last Updated: 24th June 2012

Manchester United Owner Brings In 14 New Directors

Usain Bolt today was busy in meetings all day choosing his directors and his decision for the final 14 have been decided.

"All the directors i have chosen are strictly Manchester United fans and bring in some money to help the club achieve it's status once again, the directors are only here to help with decisions and add funds if needed, we do know that we don't have a great chance if we do ever get back to the Premier League as we cannot compete with the billionaire owners, but getting back into the premier league is all that we want."

Managing Director - Justin Timberlake
Justin Randall Timberlake (born January 31, 1981) is an American singer-songwriter, actor, dancer, record producer, and entrepreneur. Born in Memphis, Tennessee, he appeared in the television shows Star Search and The New Mickey Mouse Club as a child. In the late 1990s, Timberlake rose to prominence as the lead singer and youngest member of the boy band 'N Sync, whose launch was financed by Lou Pearlman.

Director Of Football - Ryan Giggs
Ryan Joseph Giggs, (born Ryan Joseph Wilson; 29 November 1973) is a Welsh footballer who plays for Manchester United. Giggs made his first appearance for the club during the 1990–91 season and has been a regular player since the 1991–92 season. He established himself as a left winger during the 1990s, and continued in this position well into the 2000s, though he has been increasingly used in a deeper playmaking role in his latter years. Giggs is known for his tireless running, ball possession and ability to create goalscoring opportunities for those around him.

Director - Paul Scholes
Paul Scholes (born 16 November 1974) is an English footballer, a one-club man who has played his entire professional career for Manchester United. Born in Salford, but later moving to Langley, Scholes excelled in both cricket and football whilst at school. He first trained with Manchester United at the age of 14 after being spotted by a scout visiting his school, signing for them as an apprentice on leaving school in 1991, and turning professional in 1993. He made his full debut for United in the 1994–95 season. He went on to play a key part in the club's Treble-winning success in the 1998–99 season, and has won ten Premier League, three FA Cup and two UEFA Champions League winners medals.

Director - Olly Murs
Oliver Stanley "Olly" Murs (born 14 May 1984) is an English singer-songwriter, musician and television presenter. Murs rose to fame after finishing as the runner-up in the sixth series of The X Factor in 2009. He is currently signed to Epic Records in the United Kingdom, Columbia Records in the United States, and Syco Music.

Director - Megan Fox
Megan Denise Fox (born May 16, 1986) is an American actress and model. She began her acting career in 2001, with several minor television and film roles, and played a regular role on the Hope & Faith television show. In 2004, she made her film debut with a role in Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen. In 2007, she co-starred as Mikaela Banes, the love interest of Shia LaBeouf's character, in the blockbuster film, Transformers, which became her breakout role. Fox reprised her role in the 2009 sequel, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Later in 2009, she starred as the eponymous lead in the film Jennifer's Body. Fox is also considered one of the modern female sex symbols and has appeared in magazines such as Maxim, Rolling Stone and FHM.

Director - Manny Pacquiao
Emmanuel "Manny" Dapidran Pacquiao born December 17, 1978) is a Filipino professional boxer and politician. He is the first eight-division world champion, in which he has won ten world titles, as well as the first to win the lineal championship in four different weight classes.

Director - Ian McShane
Ian David McShane (born 29 September 1942) is an English actor, director, producer and voice artist. Despite appearing in numerous films, McShane is best known for his television roles, particularly the BBC's Lovejoy (1986–94) and HBO's Western drama Deadwood (2004–06). McShane starred as King Silas Benjamin in NBC series Kings, Bishop Waleran in The Pillars of the Earth, Tai Lung in Kung Fu Panda, and as Blackbeard in Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides.

Director - Gary Neville
Gary Alexander Neville (born 18 February 1975) is an English former footballer. He is England's most capped right-back and was Manchester United's club captain for five years. Neville spent his entire playing career at Old Trafford, making him a rare one-club man. At the time of his retirement in 2011, he was United's second longest serving player in the squad, behind his long-time team-mate Ryan Giggs. He made his international debut in 1995 and was first-choice right-back for club and country for more than ten years.

Director - Floyd Mayweather
Floyd Joy Mayweather, Jr., (born Floyd Sinclair February 24, 1977) is an American professional boxer. He is a five-division world champion, who has won eight world titles and the Lineal championship in three different weight classes. Mayweather is a two-time Ring Fighter of the Year (winning the award in 1998 and 2007); he also won the Boxing Writers Association of America (BWAA) Fighter of the Year award in 2007 and the Best Fighter ESPY Award in 2007, 2008, 2010 and 2012. He is undefeated as a professional boxer.

Director - Enrique Iglesias
Enrique Iglesias (born Enrique Miguel Iglesias Preysler; May 8, 1975) is a Spanish singer-songwriter, model, actor, and record producer. Iglesias started his career in the mid-1990s on an American Spanish Language record label Fonovisa which helped turn him into one of the biggest stars in Latin America and the Hispanic Market in the United States becoming the biggest seller of Spanish-language albums of that decade. He made a successful crossover into the mainstream market and signed a multi-album deal with Universal Music Group for an unprecedented US $50,000,000 with Universal Music Latino to release his Spanish albums and Interscope to release English albums. In 2010, he parted with Interscope and signed with another Universal Music Group label, Universal Republic.

Director - Dwight Yorke
Dwight Eversley Yorke (born 3 November 1971 in Canaan, Tobago) is a Trinidad and Tobago former football player. He played for Aston Villa, Manchester United, Blackburn Rovers, Birmingham City, Sydney FC and Sunderland. He was the assistant manager of the Trinidad and Tobago national team until the completion of the qualifying matches for the 2010 FIFA World Cup.

Director - Aubrey Graham
Aubrey Drake Graham (born October 24, 1986), who records under the mononym Drake, is a Canadian recording artist, rapper, songwriter, and actor. He was born in Toronto, Ontario,[1] and became known for playing Jimmy Brooks on the television series Degrassi: The Next Generation. He later rose to prominence as a rapper, releasing several mixtapes before signing to Young Money Entertainment. Drake's EP, So Far Gone (2009), spawned the smash single "Best I Ever Had" and moderate hit "Successful". His debut studio album, Thank Me Later (2010), debuted at number one on the Billboard 200[3] and spawned the successful singles "Over" and "Find Your Love". It was certified Platinum by the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA). His second album, Take Care (2011), is his most successful to date, topping charts in the United States and Canada and produced multiple smash singles, including "Headlines", "Take Care", "Make Me Proud", and "The Motto", the latter of which is also credited for popularizing the widely used acronym YOLO. He embarked on the worldwide Club Paradise Tour, which became the most successful hip-hop tour of 2012, grossing over $42 million.

Director - Dominic Monaghan
Dominic Bernard Patrick Luke Monaghan (born 8 December 1976) is a German-born English actor. He has received international attention from playing Meriadoc Brandybuck in Peter Jackson's adaptation of J.R.R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings and for his role as Charlie Pace on the television show Lost.

Director - David Beckham
David Robert Joseph Beckham (born 2 May 1975) is an English footballer who currently plays for French Ligue 1 club Paris Saint-Germain. He has played for Manchester United, Preston North End, Real Madrid, Milan, Los Angeles Galaxy and the England national team for which he holds the appearance record for an outfield player.
Epic... just epic.... I'm loving this story.
Epic story mate will defo follow :)
I was loving the idea of this story until your list of directors at the club, it doesn't quite make sense. Nevertheless I will continue to follow with keen interest.
Love this story, had the idea a few weeks back, good luck! :D
For someone who seems to be a rookie at story writing, your story is brilliant, epic and it leaves me wanting to read more. Keep it up! :)
Great story! Blue must be enjoying this to the max!
Deleted's avatar Deleted
2013-03-30 23:15#88466 Jamesg237 : I was loving the idea of this story until your list of directors at the club, it doesn't quite make sense. Nevertheless I will continue to follow with keen interest.

They are all Manchester United fans, i just didn't see the point in bringing in extremely rich Arab owners. I want to make it hard as possible for United to reach the premier league again and make it a huge challenge.
I love this....not just cos of the obvious reasons but it is completely different :)

Good luck with it mate!
Awesome stroy, will be following. Good luck mate!
2013-03-31 04:35#88498 PaukerJ : Great story! Blue must be enjoying this to the max!
Yeah, I am! Absolutely loving this so far! Story of the Month contendor, not gonna lie.

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