Alton Powers - A Stoke City Story

Stoke City - The Potters




"News is coming in from the Brittania Stadium, and it's news we all expected to hear: Tony Pulis has left Stoke by mutual consent after a meeting with chairman Peter Coates. Early frontrunners to take over at Stoke are want-away Roberto Martinez and want-anywhere Leslie Hughes. More to follow on this intriguing rugb - sorry, football story to come. And now Jim White reporting in Edinburgh "

Meanwhile, in the Hughes family home...

Linda: Leslie, would you like a cuppa?
Leslie: I've told you, woman, my name is Mark, not Leslie
Linda: No it isn't.
Leslie: Well lets keep that our little secret shall we?
Linda: *under breath* It's going on Wikipedia later
Leslie: What was that love?
Linda: Nothing, nothing.
*Phone rings, Linda answers*
Linda: Hughes residence.
*Pause*
Linda: Mark, it's for you.
Leslie: Hello?
Peter: Hello, Mr Hughes, I'm Peter Coates, chairman of Stoke City rug- I mean, football club. Tony left because the cap fund was dry and I couldn't be arsed paying for them, do you want to be our new manager?
Leslie: You're drunk, aren't you Pete?
Peter: Absolutely cream-crackered.
Leslie: I'll take it.

So, what's next? Will Hughes cover up the secret of his real name? Will Linda get on Wikipedia? And how will the Stoke faithful react to Hughes' appointment? It's all in the next installment of Alton Powers: A Stoke City Story

Why did Peter correct himself when he was correct? Stoke City Rugby Club FTW!

2013-05-29 12:12#106235 Louis O. : Why did Peter correct himself when he was correct? Stoke City Rugby Club FTW!

Haha, political correctness gone mad

I stepped out of the car, forged name-badge bearing the name 'Mark' emblazoned on my chest, heart pounding, as the terrifying Stoke fans shoved their massive tattooed arms out, holding paper for me to sign, and I obliged, fearing for my life if I turned them away. Pete, now sober and regretful, greeted me at the door.
'Right, Mark, lets get this over with.'
I followed him through the heavy glass doors and into the lift. We arrived at his conference room, and sat down next to one another.
"Well, Mark, you're the Stoke City manager now. It's not a popular appointment, since you somehow managed to ruin QPR, but in fairness you were alright at City and Blackburn, so I decided to give you a chance. We want you to avoid relegation and we're giving you 4 million quid to do that, plus an extra £20k on the wage budget. Capiche?"
I gulped.

Mark Hughes' first ever press conference as Stoke manager

J = journalist
L = Leslie Hughes

J: Mark, you sit here as Stoke City manager, how do you feel?
M: I'm very excited, Jonathan, and I feel it's the perfect club for me. I very much feel that Stoke is the People's football club in Stoke-on-Trent. The man on the street supports Stoke -
J: You just stole David Moyes' quote from his first Everton press conference.
M: Did I? Who'd of thought it, eh, me and David both thinking that? We're so alike!
J: Well, no, you're not, David is a good manager, you aren't, David's reputation has got him the United job, yours has gotten you the Stoke job -
M: Alright, no need to rub it in.
J: Where do you plan to improve the team?
M: Well, simply, put, everywhere. The team is full of aging Blue Square North quality players, and that's a compliment. I plan to sell the dead wood and bring in young talent with bags of potential.
J: How much has Peter given you to spend?
M: Well, not that much, but with the sales I plan to make the budget will significantly increase.
J: Where do you plan to finish next season.
M: 1st
*Laughs*
M: No further questions, please, a club statement will be made.

Hughes shells 3 players!

Stoke City manager Mark Hughes has confirmed that Dean Whitehead, Matthew Upson and Matthew Etherington have all left the club for £2.2m, £635k and £2.4m respectively. Whitehead has headed off to Norwich, Upson is off to QPR and Etherington will join him in the Championship with Brian McDermott's Leeds United. Another departure was youngster Florent Cuvelier going out on loan to Sheffield United. In terms of incomings, Andreas Cornelius and Carlos Fierro, both relative unknowns, were spotted touching down at the Brittania.

Good luck mate! Will be following

Great start for a new storywriter. Made me crack up too Good luck with the rest of the story.

OTB - Cheers pal, means a lot coming from you as your Norwich story is awesome.
Glenn T - Thanks mate, and glad you found it amusing

Barclays Premier League

Stoke City 2-3 Arsenal
Ince, Jones

Liverpool 2-0 Stoke City

Capital One Cup

Crawley 1-3 Stoke City (AET)
Wilson, Shotton, Fierro

A bad start, especially as we have Manchester United next game. However, I was encouraged by my signings:

A mass-clear out, and hopefully the new talent will make up for the relatively small squad of 22. We also have Mark Gonzalez coming in for a season's loan, who will add flair to the squad and hopefully be a matchwinner. Next installment very soon...

Great stuff so far mate

Stoke City - Barclays Premier League

Stoke 2-0 Manchester United
Ince, Jones
Tom Ince

West Brom 0-0 Stoke
Ryan Shawcross

Stoke 2-0 Crystal Palace
Gonzalez, Fierro
Mark Gonzalez

Southampton 1-1 Stoke City
Jones
Walters
Tom Ince

Stoke City - Capital One Cup

Swansea 2-0 Stoke
Sorensen, N'Zonzi

Stoke City - Player of the Month

Ryan Shawcross


Leslie Hughes is in his monthly meeting with chairman Peter Coates, discussing the progress made after his first few games in charge
Peter: Well, I'll admit it Mark, you've not done half-bad. We're comfortably mid-table, and you actually beat Manchester United, without bribery or anything!
*Leslie shifts uncomfortably in his chair*
Leslie Yeah, well, I'm a good manager, I just needed the right environment to blossom.
Peter Where do you see us at the end of the season, honestly Mark?
Leslie Holding the FA Cup trophy at Wembley in 7th place
Peter That's very precise, Mark. I admire your confidence.
Leslie I'm not confident Pete, I'm just the best manager to grace this earth.
Peter Obviously other than Fergie, Shankley, Paisley, Busby, Kendall, Stein, Revie, Clough...
6 hours later
... Moyes, Atkinson, Keegan
Leslie Alright, Pete, I get it. See you tomorrow.

What does everyone think? Both of the writing and the results? All feedback, negative or positive is appreciated :D

Injury Crisis for Hughes!

Stoke City manager Mark Hughes is faced with a major injury dilemma after a seventh player was ruled out last night. Many of these injuries are extremely long-term, such as the 4 month absences of Saka Tiene, Tom Ince and Steven N'Zonzi. Sorensen, Begovic, Huth and Rhys Williams will all be out for around 6 weeks and Stoke have had to draft in free agent Brad Friedel to make up the required two goalkeepers after Jack Butland had no backup on the bench during yesterdays 3-1 defeat at Fulham. We received the following statement from Hughes: " It proves a lot of things in management are out of your hands. We've played brilliant football this season but injuries have restricted our progress greatly. I only hope the lads will pull through and put last nights defeat behind us. Hopefully no other injuries will befall us before most of the lads come back in a month or so."

By Jim Wallace, SkySportsNews.com

Great update! Loved the board meeting Keep this up!

2013-05-30 16:00#106722 OnTheBallCityNCFC : Great update! Loved the board meeting Keep this up!

Cheers OTB! Your Denmark story is coming along nicely as well I might add

Stoke City - Barclays Premier League

Stoke City 3-0 West Ham
Shawcross (2)
Whelan
Shawcross

Fulham 3-1 Stoke
Fierro
N'Zonzi

Tottenham 1-0 Stoke
Kightly

No player of the month on account of the two defeats.

Leslie and Linda Hughes are at home, sitting in front of the television. Les Dennis appears onscreen, and Linda sniggers.
Leslie What was that?
Linda Nothing.
Leslie You laughed. Why?
Linda Just something that happened earlier in the day.
Leslie You were laughing at his name, weren't you? Men called Leslie can't help their names, we didn't choose it, did we? No, so stop your persecution and cruelty, woman, and leave us alone! What did we do to you? We don't like these names, we wish we didn't have them, but we don't have a bloody choice!
Linda Mark, get out of this house. This is starting to become an issue. A problem. We'll talk about it tomorrow, but I don't feel safe with you tonight.
*Leslie packs his bags and leaves. He dials a number on his mobile*
Leslie Mate, I need a place to stay... What... No it's NOT BLOODY LESLIE!
*He throws his phone down in rage and breaks down*