Not for long. Triforce are coming.
Hurricanes Shock Defeat
Ace investigator Phil McCrakkin reports direct from the Hurricanes' headquarters at the Presidential Palace
It has been a tense time here at the Presidential Palace since Supreme General Ziechael returned from the recent match which saw his team defeated by Heroic Skidmark Eyers DFC. No-one quite knows how the known egotistical narcissist with a God complex will take the points loss but sources close to the boardroom have confirmed that so far no deaths have been reported.
In this journalists opinion, that just means they haven't been discovered yet.
Earlier we received the following statement issued on behalf of Ziechael:
"While it is always a shame to lose a match all credit must go to HeSkEy who performed admirably and deserved to win. They out played us and we paid the price of some poor defensive decisions.
We'll head back to the training ground and work on some key areas ready for the next match and try to put this one behind us."
While very diplomatic it is somewhat contradictory to the dictation of the statement that I overheard. Please forgive the following recounting, readers of a sensitive disposition should probably stop here:
A transcript of a meeting between Ziechael and his press team
People Present:
Ziechael
Press officer 1
Press officer 2
"What the f*** do you bunch of f***ers want?"
"Lord Ziechael, we believe it would be a good idea to issue a congratulatory statement in the wake of your recent defeat."
"MY recent defeat, MINE?? How f***ing dare you pin this shower of s***e on me you jumped up suit wearing monkeys."
"I'm sorry my Lord, I never meant it like that, I just meant that as the figurehead of the club it would be wise to build positive relations with other team in the tournament."
*Reluctantly* "You might be right, what would you suggest."
"Well Sir, we thought the standard 'Well done, deserved victory blah blah blah' would do the trick."
"Ooohh, YOU THOUGHT did you, that's a f***ing first that is. Since taking over this goddamn country and starting this goddamn competition you dumb mother f***ers haven't so much as contributed a thing, now the team loses…"
*A slight pause followed by a crash as something fragile hits the office door*
"…and now you w***ers are suddenly 'thinking'."
"We just want to try and get away from the whole 'Tyrannical dictator' thing… *gulp*"
*Very quiet and calm* "I… beg… your… pardon…?"
*Panic edging into voice* "I meant that SOME people, stupid deluded people, MIGHT see you are somewhat autocratic leader my Lord…"
"You might be right… but then again it would take a stupid deluded person to point that out to someone considered a, what was it?, A TYRANNICAL DICTATOR…" *calmly again* "…so by your very own logic you, being a stupid deluded person, consider me to be a dangerous autocrat?"
"No my Lord!… NEVER."
"I'm a logical man, you provided me with a logical path to follow, I followed it and now I know what you really think of me don't I."
"No, you are wrong…"
*There is a muffled coughing sound a couple of times followed by a gurgling and a thud*
"My Lord?"
"…And calling me wrong was his last mistake. Clean that up for me please… oh and write whatever b***ocks you want for those HeSkEy c***s."
"Yes my Lord…"
End of transcript
Take whatever you want from that, I certainly aren't going to make any assumptions as I value my life!
The News
Hi my name is Nathaniel and this is my news report for the Republic of Fantasia.
Firstly a group of Donkeys have been released from there pen and into the land of Fantasia, they go by the names Titus Shambles, Emile Pesky and James Crapcart, amongst others. Rumours have it these donkeys have come over all the way from England to Fantasia but it is expected that they will be on their way home soon enough.
Now for sport. To the West, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer seems determined to lose this competition with Westend. The manager has made ludicrous team selections, hardly ever playing Edinson Cavani and when ha has it has been in the wrong position. Also hot prospects Marco Veratti and Stephan El Sharawy have also hardly ever played despite being 2 of the teams brightest youngsters. Finally veterans Andrea Pirlo and Frank Lampard have been left out on numerous occasions by Ole and are rumoured to want to leave the club. He is either deluded or Ziechael has his family hostage...
Finally for the weather. Throughout the first few days of the competition there has been non-stop hurricanes crushing everything in their path, destroying stuff and causing havoc. However those hurricanes have now stopped abruptly and the land is now calm and under control. Everyone is hopeful that these hurricanes will never return but knowing Fantasia it is extremely likely.
I'm Nathaniel and this is your annual news report
Is there no story you can't improve! Cheers for the nice summary mate, well written 
1
Top of my group atm 
get in Fergie
get in Fergie
2013-07-08 11:58#118666 ziechael : Is there no story you can't improve! Cheers for the nice summary mate, well written
Haha, thanks ziech! Did you get what I meant by the whole Hurricanes thing?
Round 5
Match 33
Group A
With no group tighter than this one every point will count. Dubrovnik will be looking to solidify their lead while Donkey will be desperate to take it back again.
2 - 3 
NK GOŠK Dubrovnik
- Zlatan Ibrahimovic 12' - Ronaldinho Gaucho 57'
- Mark Van Bommel - Darijo SrnaDonkey FC
- Rickie Lambert 1', 14' - Andy Carroll (pen) 23'
- Mikkel Diskerud (Broken foot, out for the tournament) - Owen Hargreaves (Fractured arm, out for the tournament) - Nigel Reo-CokerTraining Injury
- Jordy Clasie (Hernia, out for the tournament)
Player of the Match:
Ronaldinho Gaucho (Dubrovnik)Attendance: 4,692
YEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH! I don't care if Hargreaves and Diskerud got injured, I hate those damn Dumnbrovnik idiots! YEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH! YEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!
2013-07-08 19:51#118771 Louis O. : YEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH! I don't care if Hargreaves and Diskerud got injured, I hate those damn Dumnbrovnik idiots! YEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH! YEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!It's looking good for the donkeys... as long as you have a team left to play in the next round!
Match 34
Group A
Jointly bringing up the rear both teams need a win to stay in the running.
1 - 0 
Triforce United
- Demba Ba 73' - Kara (Nothing serious) - Anthony Vanden Borre - Kurt Zouma - Tom RogicLippiano United
- Darijo Srna - Gabby AgbonlahorTraining Injury
- Marquinho (Twisted ankle, out for the tournament)
Player of the Match:
Matthew Ryan (Triforce)Attendance: 5,106
Match 35
Group B
A win for Westend here could well mean the difference between qualification and failure, however ANAL will be determined to try and salvage some pride from this group if nothing else.
0 - 2 
AFC Westend
- Yuto Nagatomo - Marco Verratti - Ezequiel GarayAnatolia Lions
- Frank Lampard 24' - Ricky Van Wolfswinkel 28' - Romeo Castelen (Broken cheekbone, out for the tournament) - Andrea Bertolacci - Kolo Toure - Sebastien Corchia
Player of the Match:
Sebastien Corchia (ANAL)Attendance: 8,500
Match 36
Group B
A win for either of these teams should all but guarantee qualification for the knock out stages.
3 - 3 
Dereham Devils
- Zlatan Ibrahimovic 7', 67' - Roberto Soldado (pen) 77' - Felipe Santana - Paul Scholes - Zlatan Ibrahimovic - Diego LuganoBalham Blazers
- Alex 31' - Peter Odemwingie 68' - Alejandro Gomez 73' - Casemiro
- Casemiro - Ricardo CarvalhoTraining Injury
- Craig Gordon (Damaged foot, out for the tournament)
Player of the Match:
Andres Iniesta (Dereham Devils)Attendance: 8,199
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