"Hello Sports Fans!
Welcome to this special edition of Fantasia Sports TV with me, Dick Hunter.
Today, in the wake of the first round of matches, we are going to take a quick look at the tactics that each team has used so far.
Joining me today is a panel of top coaching professionals to offer their opinions on the tactics used.
Let's say hello to Russian tactical expert, Ivor Biggun…"
"Privet."
"What?"
"Privet…"
"O….K…. I'm going to assume that is Russian for something and move on…"
"Da"
"Next is English top coach and all round big-ears… I mean nice-guy! Mike Hunt…"
"Oh Hallo"
"And as always we have our resident expert, Amanda Hugenkiss…"
"I like kittens."
"I'm sure you do, I'm sure you do…
Ok without further ado lets begin with the look at tactics, starting with AFC Westend:"
*woosh of graphics*
AFC WESTEND
"You can see here that they have gone with the popular 4-2-3-1, why is that?… Mike?"
"We-eeellll, errrmmm… you know…"
"OK, Ivor?"
"Simples, this tactic strong like timberwolf. All teams want be strong."
"Couldn't have said it better myself…"
*woosh of graphics*
ANATOLIA LIONS
"Ok, we have… surprise sur-f***ing-prise… another 4-2-3-1 tactic here, thought of anything yet Mike?"
"Well dear boy, it is like this, the solid defensive line can be supported by the deeper playing midfielders who also have the added benefit of linking to the wingers and creative attacking midfielder for forward play, a single man upfront is the natural target for balls in from the wings while also having the ability to hold up play for the central attacking midfielder to get into a goal scoring position or simply go for goal himself."
"Right, wow… wasn't expecting that…"
*woosh of graphics*
BALHAM BLAZERS FC
"Right, here we have a variation on the 4-2-3-1 tactic, at last. Amanda, want to have a crack at this one?"
"Thanks DICK, they've opted for a more defensive variation which leaves them a bit vulnerable in the centre of the park. Looks like a classic counter-attack formation to me…"
"Nothing about kittens?"
"This is football, it's serious, DICK."
*woosh of graphics*
CODEBREAKERS UNITED FC
"OMFG, at last… something different, 4-4-1-1!!! Ivor?"
"Solid formation, allowing defensive and attacking option for fluid play. Much used tactic in the Mother Land, I like."
*woosh of graphics*
DEREHAM DEVILS
"Well I'll be pickled, another different tactic, a 4-3-1-2 here. Mike, any insights?"
"This is a very narrow formation, perfect for a team with players who are comfortable on the ball. With three deeper midfielders I would expect the flanking ones to spread wider when needed to help counter the threat of the oppositions wingers."
"Thanks Mike."
*Look of sincere appreciation*
*woosh of graphics*
DONKEY FC
"Ok, Donkey FC, many thought they would be severe underdogs but they've already shown that they can win matches. Amanda?"
"They've opted for the 4-2-2-2, again with a bare middle (like my new bikini *giggle*) but with the high riding wingers they are obviously out to score goals."
*woosh of graphics*
ENGHAM UNITED FC
"Wow, didn't think it would take long to get back to a 4-2-3-1… anyone?"
"Da, girly boy variation on tactic. Scaredy defensive midfielders hiding at back, strong, brave men up high, simples."
"Please stop saying simples, that advert is racist enough without you endorsing it Ivor."
"Be shutting your face Deek."
*woosh of graphics*
HEROIC SKIDMARK EYERS DFC
"A classic 4-4-2, love it. Mike?"
"Yes, Classic, Love it."
"Deep, thanks."
*woosh of graphics*
HURRICANES
"Hmm, our glorious leaders team here, opting for the 4-2-2-2 attacking variation. Amanda?"
"Yes?"
"Any thoughts?"
"What on?"
"The Tactic… in the graphic… just now?"
"Oh that? Yeah, it's pretty, i like the shape of it."
"Ok, Mike? Help please."
"They've gone for the 4-2-2-2 like Donkey FC but with more central midfielders, means they are more vulnerable defensively but should be a force to be reckoned with up front."
*woosh of graphics*
LIPPIANO UNITED
"Oooh, a 4-5-1 here, thats new… Ivor?"
"I like this, solid, attacking but not weak. Good formation."
*woosh of graphics*
MAD DOGS FC
"And… BOOM… back to a 4-2-3-1. Mike?"
"Yes, another attacking variation, lovely."
*woosh of graphics*
NK GOSK DUBROVNIK
"Ok, the 4-5-1 again. Amanda?"
"Wingers, high up, tight midfield, attacking, solid, good."
"Was that a sentence?"
"No."
"O…K… thanks."
*woosh of graphics*
NORFOLK'N CHANCE
"Well this is a little bit different for a 4-2-3-1. Ivor?"
"Da, they have narrowed the attacking midfield line, very powerful through the middle of the field like a T-90 tank entering Georgia."
"A little aggressive there Ivor."
"Bring it girly boy."
*woosh of graphics*
SONAL CITY SPORT CLUB
"Now this one is starting to get on my tits…"
"Hehehe, tits."
"Ok, moving on, another 4-5-1. Anything more mature to say Mike?"
"There is a certain feminine element to this formation, the way it narrows attractively in the middle."
*Dick sighs and shakes his head in despair*
*woosh of graphics*
THE HUNTSMEN
"Here we have another 4-2-2-2 attacking variation, Ivor?"
"Reminds me of the war."
"Which one?… how?"
"Blue, marching forwards to victory."
"Seriously?"
"Da."
*woosh of graphics*
TRIFORCE UNITED
"And finally, another god damn 4-2-3-1, mind if I take this one myself?"
"No."
"No, I still get paid."
"Yes."
"Two to One, it's mine. Well this classic formation came to prominence in Spain in the 1990s and early 2000s and is now used by many teams throughout the world.
The two players in front of the back-four, known as the ‘doble pivot’ (double pivot) in Spain, give support to the defense, with one player breaking up opposition attacks, and the other putting more emphasis on distributing the ball to the attacking players.
The formation should ensure teams are not out-numbered in midfield, and with so many advanced players, there is great flexibility."
"Nice."
"Thanks, well that's all for today, we'll be back later with the first match of the next round of group games. Thanks to our studio guests and remember, if it isn't sport, it isn't worth sh*t!"