My Grandfather's Legacy - The Other Mourinho Takes on Portugal

September Report

September was a fairly good month for us, however as you'll see in a moment we dropped three key points away in the final match of the month against a top-table rival.



The away match against Lixa was fairly straightforward, as they are the bottom-table club in our league. A goal and sweet assist from loanee wonderkid Gamboa put us up two-nil in the first twenty minutes and we never looked back, taking a deserved three points off of Lixa.

Nani, Nelsinho, and To Barbosa all scored for us in the opening 15 minutes of the Oliveirense game, and then I just parked the bus on 'Counter'. Easy three points yet again for the Varzim boys.

The Joane game was quite tricky. In front of an early-season record home crowd of 1004 on 'fan day', we took the lead on 44 minutes through Nani, and just gritted our teeth and defended our way to three points on a day when we weren't our best.

The cup match against non-league Vila Real was a cakewalk, with Amilton, Nani, and Pedro Alexandre all scoring in the opening half hour before the match got chippy. Seven yellows and two reds for our clunky opponents made me feel fortunate not to have picked up any injuries.

The last game of the month was also our biggest, as we traveled to Ribeirao for a battle of the two top teams in the table. Ribeirao, despite being picked for 5th by the media during pre-season, have really been in-form and continued it, outshooting us 17-5 en route to a solid 2-0 victory against a weak and uninspired Varzim squad.

League Table

Player of the Month

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This month's Varzim S.C. Player of the Month, brought to you by Tio Joao's Chorizo House, is midfielder Nani. The 23 year-old led the team (and was second in league scoring) with three goals to start the season, and also led the team (fourth in the league) with a 7.30 average match rating. This kid is the future of our midfield, no doubt about it.

Honorable mention goes to loanee striker To Barbosa, who's averaging a 6.95 match rating and has two goals of his own thus far.

A Look Ahead with Daniel Mourinho - October

The month of October will be much more difficult than September for our club, as we face both title challengers F.C. Famalicao in league play AND Segunda Liga outfit Portimonense, only one year removed from the Primeira Liga, in the Taca da Portugal 3rd Round. Throw in tricky away matches against Guimaraes "B" and Tirsense to start the month, and I think we will have a difficult month schedule-wise. We end with Vizela at home.

League-wise, I will be happy to take seven points out of the four matches, seeing as three of them are on the road. Seven points of twelve should keep us in a promotion phase spot near the top of the table.

The focus this month is obviously the big Portimonense match at home, because of the money that comes from the Portuguese equivalent of the F.A. Cup. The Taca da Portugal is the domestic cup, and advancing into the later stages with a third division outfit could bolster the club's finances greatly. But first, we must kill a fairly big giant by our standards in Portimonense...

October 1st, 2013

I pace back and forth in the sand, contemplating everything. My first month has been a complete and utter success on the pitch, as we sit tied for first in the division.

Off the pitch, life has been flowing nicely too (for once). I've met an English girl named Mary, and she's living in Povoa de Varzim on a tourist visa for six months. She only arrived in July, so I'm hoping to get to know her a bit better!

Everything's been going very well, except for two small things.

I haven't spoken to my grandfather since the heated exchange after our opening match, and-

"DANIEL! EHHHH PAAA!"

Here comes my best friend *sigh*

"Manuel, oh glorious chairman, what do you want," I ask flatly. Why can't this idiot let me enjoy my peaceful walk on the beach in peace?

"I just wanted to...(hic) let you know...the club lost thirty-thousand euros last month," he slurs, clearly already well into the liquor at 11 AM on a Tuesday. "You're...not managing finances...as best as you (hic)...can."

Feeling courageous, I push Manuel firmly in the chest. Unsurprisingly, his momentum makes him keel over into the sand, causing some of the smattering of English tourists on the beach to gasp in horror as the local club's drunken chairman began urinating on himself on a public beach. Goof.

Tossing my empty water bottle on top of him, I continue on my way-

If only this club had a real chairman, a real coaching staff, and real players. These no-names have no drive, no real desire, to improve and win promotion. We need a shakeup in January. If I can't shake it up here, then I'll shake it up somewhere else.

October Report

All hands on deck, because this ship is sinking.



Rough would be an understatement. We have fallen off the deep end.

We didn't deserve the Guimaraes "B" match, but Vitor Hugo pulled one out of the fire for us on 84 minutes. Our shaky defending was a sign of things to come...

Tirsense simply deserved to beat us on the day as we traveled to their stadium. A brace from Jorginho powered them over us for a three points which vaulted them over top of us in the league table.

The Famalicao match was painful, because we only trailed the top-table club by two points heading into the match. We lost on an Eder Diego penalty in the 91st minute, and it crushed the squad's morale. A terrible dropped three points considering we outshot them 10-5...

The Portimonense match was a dream come true. Although only 324 fans witnessed it, we scored through Diego Lucho on 23 minutes and then I parked a whole fleet of buses, playing a 5-4-1 with Gaspar at sweeper. Despite getting outshot 14-2, we hung on for the win and advanced into the 3rd Round of the Taca de Portugal!

The month ended on a harsh, sour note, as we were defeated by mid-table Vizela two-nil on our own pitch. It was terrible- injuries started to take a toll and we weren't able to play our usual 4-1-2-1-2 due to a lack of squad depth, and Vizela took advantage.

League Table

Player of the Month

This month's Varzim S.C. Player of the Month is nobody because nobody deserved it, truthfully. It was a piss-poor performance from everybody.

A Look Ahead with Daniel Mourinho - November

Thanks to our miraculous victory over comparative giants Portimonense, we've booked ourselves a date away to Estoril mid-month in the 3rd Round of the Taca de Portugal.

We start the month with a difficult away match against 3rd-place Felgueiras- we must take three points to climb back into the playoff race.

The Estoril match splits up a home-and-away with lower-table Lixa and Oliveirense, which we will absolutely need six points from.

Finally, we end the month with a tough home game against Ribeirao.

Four league games, two extremely difficult, and an all but hopeless cup tie away against a Primeira Liga club. We need minimum nine points of twelve in league play to claw our way back up the table, and honestly I'm just hoping we keep Estoril under five goals in the cup match!

Out for a Sunday Stroll

I sit beside a glistening pool, on an unseasonably warm autumn day just outside of Povoa de Varzim, sipping on a Superbock beer and munching on some delicious chorizo.

For a guy who dresses in rags, and never spends a cent more than he must to attend Varzim matches, Mourinho Felix lives palatially. A 2500 square-foot house, with a pool, would cost at least 100000€ in this tourist haven- how could he have afforded it?

"So, you're looking around like a deer in the headlights my boy. Probably wondering how I can afford this, eh," my host asks through a gritty, crooked smile. "Well, let me tell you- there are perks to having the most successful manager in the world as your son," he chuckles, completely relaxed in his backyard. "Right now, your squad, your club, is nowhere near good enough to earn promotion. What I said at the beginning of the campaign was more because I think Faria is an idiotic chairman than I thought you were incapable. You've proven yourself to be a perfectly mediocre manager thus far- you don't lose matches, but you don't win them either...The squad simply isn't good enough for you to win promotion right now," he finally sighed.

"So you don't think I can lead this team upwards," I croak sullenly, pouting like a small child. I've had a rough past few weeks!

"You can, just not with this chairman and these players. Gaspar? He's too old. You're relying on a 16 year-old loanee from Benfica to distribute the ball in the midfield for chrissakes!"

"Gamboa is our best midfielder though," I lazily defend myself.

"That may be so Daniel, but he's sixteen years old. You're playing in a league full of drunk, injured, and has-been players. Give the kid a rest. If you can't, find a new formation that doesn't require him to play central mid every match," the old man near-whispered.

After a brief moment of silence, it all came bursting out from within. An entire lifetime without any family, compounded by a shitty month, and now being chastised by my unknowing grandfather- I couldn't take it anymore. I suddenly blurted out, "You are my grandfather! Help me god dammit," before springing up and running out of the old man's backyard.

Some family visit. Hopefully he doesn't think I'm a complete buffoon.

November Report

A mixed bag.



The Felgueiras match was thoroughly impressive. We dominated the bottom-feeders from start to finish, with To Barbosa and Nelsinho picking up two second half goals to get us back on track.

We dominated Lixa from start to finish, with the same two players finding the back of the net for us and the visitors scoring an own goal late to seal the deal.

Amazingly, we didn't get completely destroyed by Primeira Liga outfit Estoril in the Taca de Portugal 4th Round match. We went down 2-0 early in the second half, conceding two goals in eight minutes, before clawing back with an 87th minute Goncalo Costa goal. Too little too late, and we failed to pull off the ultimate upset.

The Oliveirense loss was a result of our lads being completely fatigued, playing their third match in seven days. It was a piss-poor performance, period.

The final game of the month was garbage, with Ribeirao tying the match in the 89th minute. (sigh)

Frustrating times for us at Varzim, as we simply can't get a good grasp on anybody in the league for more than two weeks in a row!

League Table

Player of the Month

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Varzim S.C.'s Player of the Month for November, brought to you by Tio Manuel's Fried Fish, is loanee To Barbosa. The 21 year-old really came into his own during the early part of November, scoring twice. An average rating of 7.35 for the month of November, two goals, and an assist handed him the Player of the Month award. Enjoy your free fish, To!

A Look Ahead with Daniel Mourinho - December/January

This is it. The final push. The first phase of the Portuguese National Championship (third division) is drawing to a close, and we need points- fast. We trail the last promotion spot by four points with just four matches left.

At the end of this final segment of the first phase, we may look back at the Ribeirao draw and say, "Damn, we could have used those two extra points."

But nonetheless, we've got to put our nose to the grindstones and try to take maximum points from our final four matches!

We've got Guimaraes "B" (H), and top-table Tirsense (H) before Christmas, then Vizela (A) and Famalicao (H) after the holiday break.

VAMOS VARZIM!

End of National Championship - First Phase

Tears, lots of them. Tears, both professional and personal.



All things considered, we didn't have a terrible month.

We started off well enough, with a comfortable 2-nil victory over Guimaraes "B", who severely underachieved this season. Goals from veterans Nelsinho and Joao Agostinho lifted us over them in front of our largest crowd of the campaign (1243).

The home match with top-table Tirsense was the make or break match for our slim promotion hopes, and we failed to get the job done. Vitor Hugo netted a brace for us, but each time we took a lead they came storming back. A win in this match would have made the final two post-Christmas matches a little more entertaining, but we didn't deserve the three points on the day.

Despite a high-paced, end-to-end victory away to Vizela, a Ribeirao victory on the same matchday sealed our fate, and we understandably came out flat-footed against FC Famalicao, dropping a disappointing match two-nil.

Final League Table - National Championship B 1st Phase

Player of the Segment

The Varzim S.C. Player of the Segment, brought to you by Tia Maria's Slapped Meat Shop, is Varzim veteran Nelsinho. Boasting an average rating of 7.15 during the segment, the 34 year-old posted a goal and four assists while collecting two Man of the Match awards in four matches. Congratulations Nelsinho!

A Look Ahead with Daniel Mourinho - Relegation Round

Utter depression has set in. I truly believed that our squad was good enough to warrant a promotion, but dropped points in the final 2.5 months against Ribeirao, Tirsense, and most disappointingly, Oliveirense, doomed us to our fate.

With teams starting the relegation round with 50% of their points from the First Phase of league play, we're relatively safe. We start the Relegation Round in the a three-way tie for '1st' place, with 15 points (since we finished the First Phase with 30). Out of the eight teams playing in the relegation round, the bottom two will be relegated.

Essentially, we can't afford complacency. But really, it's a disappointment for me. This whole season really- professionally and personally. I can't wait to see Manuel Faria for the annual mid-season board meeting...

Kidding, in a sick, self-depreciating way. What a brutal first year in management.

Mid-Season Board Meeting - January 25th, 2014

I stride into the tiny, cramped boardroom at the Estadio. Sitting around me, huffing on cigars and drinking brandy at 11 AM, is the illustrious Varzim S.C. Board of Directors.

I take my seat, which naturally, being owned by Varzim, creaks and squeals under my slight weight. All eyes in the room wearily flicker towards me, before returning to the sheets of paper in front of them.

"So, Daniel. Some season so far, eh," sneers Manuel Faria. For once, he's sober enough to put together some intelligible sentences- unfortunately, those sentences will probably be trying to get me fired.

"Well Manuel, maybe if I had a chairman that was sober enough to play a proper role in the running of the club's affairs, I would have a better set-up to work with," I chide him, only half-joking but with a broad, I'm-a-football-manager smile. That got the old bastards' attention, I think to myself.

"Daniel, mind your manners around those more experienced in football than you," scolds my assistant manager, Augusto Neves. He clearly took my comment to heart.

"Augusto, let's quit the polite political bullcrap. If I'm still manager of this club at the end of this meeting, you're off my coaching staff for the next phase of this season. You're an incompetent manager, and the fact you're still here is a blackmark for the club's reputation. Other than goalkeeping and the youth academy, you're essentially useless. You wouldn't be able to teach a young Cristiano Ronaldo to hit the net if you tried. You're off my staff, should I survive the next half-hour," I snap. The man really is useless.

I settle into my seat, preparing myself for the next half hour of roasting...

Mourinho Lives To See Another Day

Varzim board outwardly confident about club's direction

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Varzim S.C. president and chairman Manuel Faria announced to a small smattering of media yesterday that first-year boss Daniel Mourinho's job is safe- for now.

"We're definitely less than happy to be playing in the relegation round, as we fully expected to make a run at promotion to the Segunda Liga, especially after Senhor Mourinho spent so lavishly over our wage budget to bring in players such as Rincon and Goncalo Costa," mentioned Faria backhandedly. The 36 year-old Rincon has netted just once in eleven appearances, while Costa has appeared in just two matches all season.

"The board are still going to be reviewing Mourinho's management of the club closely, and anything less than a Top-2 finish in the relegation round will be seen as a grave disappointment for the club," stated Faria.

Varzim finished a respectable third in the Portuguese National Championship - B, but a disappointing six points off of the promotion round spots. "This is a club with a rich history, and anything less than promotion in the next few seasons will be unacceptable," Faria seemingly warned Mourinho publicly. "However, we are generally happy with Daniel's cup run and his ability to maintain harmony within the squad. Thus, we will keep him on for the time being..."

Daniel Mourinho declined comment for this article.