My Grandfather's Legacy - The Other Mourinho Takes on Portugal

A Lonely Place - February 1st, 2014

As I walk down the dusty A-7 highway in the afternoon sun, I realize what a mess I've made of things.

When this season started, everything was looking so good- the squad, my potential relationship with my grandfather, and the English girl...

Fast-forward five months and here I am. Walking down a foul-smelling dirt highway in the middle or nowhere. The squad is in shambles, the board has just sold my best player to make a loan repayment, my grandfather thinks I'm an absolute doofus, and the English girl never even said goodbye.

It's a rough day in the life of Daniel Mourinho, but as I reach the crest of a little hill I notice an old, rundown hotel about two hundred metres off of the main road.

Changing direction, I head straight for the hotel, intrigued. I could use a drink, I think to myself.

As I reach the entrance, a rusty old door swings open and a gaggle of teenagers wearing...Chelsea? kits come bursting out of the hotel.

As they swarm first around me then past me, I look around searching for clues as to why on earth a Chelsea youth team is here.

Feeling a hand on my shoulder, I turn around and see a man wearing a Chelsea training jacket!

http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01938/Emenalo_1938931c.jpg

"Hi there. You look a little lost," he chuckles in a very easy-going manner. "I'm Michael Emenalo. I'm the youth director for Chelsea," he says, shyly pointing to the crest on his jacket. "Have we met before?"

"Ab- absolutely not," I stammer. I must look more like my father than I think. "I manage the local third division side, and used to play for the Chelsea academy back in the day," I laugh.

Seemingly thinking I was joking, Emenalo laughs along with me. "We're here training for the youth tournament in Porto next week. Our manager, José Mourinho, thought this would be a good spot to get the lads ready for some tough competition. When's your next home match," he asks politely.

"Oh...erm, well you see we're stuck in the relegation phase of the league. The second section of our season doesn't start for another three weeks."

"Unfortunate! I would have loved to take the boys out to watch professionals play while we were here," he said, clearly assuming that the Portuguese third division was professional.

"Yes, too bad," I say awkwardly. "Well, I'll let you get on with it then, have fun here in Povoa de Varzim," I croak with the automatic nature of a tour guide.

"Take care, my friend. Here is my number if you'd like to discuss tactics or training methods while I'm here."

As Emenalo walks onto the team bus, I sit on the curb dumbfounded. In my hand is a Chelsea coach's guide with in-depth information on every player, senior or academy, and every coach, including phone numbers and e-mails.

It might just be my lucky day...

Losing My Passion - Relegation Stage Recap

Boredom seeps in when one remains unchallenged.



*note - I accidentally cropped out the final match of the year, away to Lixa, which we lost 3-1 against an inspired bottom-table Lixa. We actually outshot them 30-4, sigh.


Since we started the relegation stage seven points clear of relegation, there really was no motivation for our squad, as we knew we were essentially already safe. Most of our victories were dominating performances where we controlled more than sixty percent possession, and we outshot our opponents in 14 of the 14 relegation stage matches.

We only lost two matches out of the fourteen, and I believe that we showed we were too talented to be competing in the relegation stage.

All in all, a good end to the season. However, I was pretty much on auto-pilot, "Insta-Result"-ing most of our matches because I'd lost my appetite for this season and its meaningless relegation stage matches.

Relegation Stage Final Table

Player of the Season

Varzim S.C.'s Player of the Year is veteran midfielder Nelsinho. The 34 year-old attacking midfielder, who has spent a cumulative six seasons with Varzim over three separate stints with the club, had the highest average match rating in the squad, averaging a 7.00. He made twenty-nine appearances for us, scoring seven goals and winning Player of the Match six times. While his future at Varzim is uncertain with his contract expiring this summer, the 34 year-old can be satisfied knowing he was the best player in the squad during 2013-14.

Transfer Wrap-Up

We unfortunately had to let both veteran left back Telmo and one of our best players Nani leave on free transfers right before the start of the relegation stage, because we simply couldn't afford their wages. The club is deep in debt.

I thought the signing of Tiago Ronaldo from lowly Vizela was a good one- the 24 year-old midfielder appeared in twelve of our fourteen matches, averaging a 6.74 match rating.

Final Thoughts - 2013/14

2013/14 was an interesting first season in charge of Varzim. While we were slated to finish second by the media during the pre-season, Tirsense made some huge signings (relative to the Portuguese 3rd division of course) and went on a run.

Some injuries in the middle of the First Phase, which really shot us in the foot.

All in all, the veterans performed admirably and the youngsters played as well as we could have hoped. It's unfortunate we had to let Nani go, as he was one of our best players, but such is the struggle when your club is broke.

I feel we're set up quite well for next season, with transferees like Goncalo Costa and Tiago Ronaldo about to enter their prime. Mind you, we'll have to wait and see what our youth intake looks like.

Not a bad debut campaign, but not fantastic either.

An Uncertain Future

http://www.germaniamutual.com/g/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/boardroom.jpg

As I enter the club boardroom, which I haven't actually been in since the day I signed my contract in August of last year, I notice immediately that it seems nicer- new furniture? Maybe a new coat of paint? I can't tell what it is exactly, but the boardroom seems cleaner, newer.

As I look around, I see the usual faces- Hugo Campos, my invisible Director of Football, Manuel Faria, the idiotic chairman, and a few others. But I also notice two new faces- younger ones, and better dressed too.

"Hello, Daniel. Welcome," says one of the new faces to me. As I take my seat next to Manuel Faria, I eye the new guy- well-dressed, with a *woah* F.C. Porto jacket on!

"My name is Miguel Evangelista, and I am the new stand-alone owner of Varzim Sport Clube," the same young man says. Stand-alone owner? Does he know this club is over 600000€ in debt? Continuing, he says, "Today's end-of-season meeting holds two purposes; one, to introduce myself to you, and secondly, to inform you that we will be cleaning house over the next few days staff-wise." With this, I notice Manuel Faria recoil a tiny bit in his seat. Almost imperceptibly, but he still flinched. Pointing to the other young man next to him, Evangelista beams, "This is Joao Magalhaes. You will be formally introduced to him and informed of his new role with the club later today."

"My grandfather, Mourinho Félix, once managed this club back in the 1980s," he says, snapping me to attention. "I am the son of Mourinho Félix, and the nephew of José Mourinho, current manager of Chelsea," he boasts as I try my best not to faint.

Another family connection at this club? Really?!?

"We feel that this club under-achieved this season, and as a result- we've decided to clean things up. Both the boardroom and the on-pitch staff will be undergoing major overhauls."

Yikes, this guy means business.

"Our first change will be announced at a press conference we've called in approximately three hours' time. We would like the following people to be there: Manuel Faria, Hugo Campos, Daniel Mourinho, and Joao Teixeira. Thank you gentlemen, see you then," he finishes quickly, as I quietly shit my pants next to Manuel Faria, whose face was twisted in an unpleasant snarl.

Is this it? My career? Over before it even really began?

Cleaning House Indeed

I've dodged a massive bullet.

The new owner, Miguel Evangelista, began the press conference at 2:30 sharp- which already says something about our new club direction, because nothing ran on-time during the 2013/14 season with Varzim S.C.- by immediately relieving Manuel Pedro Faria of all duties he previously held with the club.

I naturally thought I was next on the chopping block, so I didn't celebrate that initial momentous occasion until well afterwards.

Next, he axed our useless Director of Football, Hugo Campos. Notably, he didn't unveil a new D.O.F., saying that it would be addressed at a later date.

He wrapped up the press conference by announcing that his friend, who simply goes by Magalhaes, will become my assistant manager.

I breathed a massive sigh of relief when he brought the presser to an end, knowing that I had survived for at least another day.

Yet as I left the newly-renovated press room, my heart suddenly dropped when I remember that I didn't have a contract to continue coaching- the old board hadn't been planning on extending it past June 1st, and the new board hadn't addressed my contract at all during the press conference...


"Ola! Daniel? I figured I might find you up here," croaks the now-hoarse voice of Miguel Evangelista.

This guy's timing... "Hey Miguel, what can I do for you," I ask, still staring out onto the field.

"Bro, you don't need to be all mystical and crap with me. I'm twenty-eight years old. I understand you, brotha," he suddenly wails, a bit ridiculously. "I've always wanted to own a team, and now I do. Let's make this thing happen baby," he says, handing me a piece of paper.


Turning to him, I begin to laugh hysterically as I realize he's wearing a nose ring- I never noticed before! "Yes Miguel, I would be down to manage your baby next season," I say, putting it in terms he can understand.

"My shizzle- I knew you'd come through! My grandpa always said you had your shi- I mean, stuff together here. He said if I got rid of the Director of Football and that crummy Chairman, then you could defo get us into the Segunda Liga man!"

"Well, I guess we'll have to wait and see. You know I think I would prefer it if you spoke to me the way you spoke at the press conference- since this is a professional setting, Miguel," I titter nervously.

"Shizzle! We don't gotta be like that homie, it's just you, me, and this shitbox stadium. We can speak like bros out here. It's just us, man," he says, offering me a hand to slap as he begins to leave. "We're gonna achieve great things here, man," he yells as he prances down the aisle. "Take some vacation bro, go somewhere, eat some food, gain some weight- you're skinny as hell BRO," he advises as he disappears into the stadium exit.

What the hell just happened?

Let's see- I was offered a cheaper contract than I was just on, by a wannabe gangster, who I'm also related to somehow, and I basically no longer have a boss.

This could be the start of something fun...

Vacation is Sweet

http://media-cdn.tripadvisor.com/media/photo-s/01/59/74/8c/olhao.jpg

I've earned this, haven't I?

Who cares if I have, it's beautiful here- the drinks, the women, the constant football on my television. It's all excellent.

Mind you, it's Miguel Evangelista, the new Varzim owner, who's paying for all of this.

After a little 'shizzle' and a little 'homie' talk last week, I talked him into sending me to Olhao on a 'scouting' trip.

And thus, I've ended up here with 37 year-old divorcé Joao Teixeira, who happens to be our Chief Scout.

"Holy jesus, look at the jugs on that one," Joao yells at me from across the beach. What a perv. "Daniel, buddy, when you're a recently divorced man you just don't care," he yells to me, hoping for every semi-single woman on the beach to notice him.

"Alright buddy, simmer down. Remember- we're here on a 'work trip', ok," I say as seriously as possible before we both burst out laughing.

Life is good.

As Joao sends the football way over my head, I spin around to chase after it and awkwardly bump into a beautiful blonde girl.

(Oof) "I'm so, so sorry," I apologize, unable to hide my giant grin as I introduce myself. "I'm Daniel...you are?"

"My name is Marika, but you're going to have to do a lot more than tell me your name to make up for that," she says, playing along. "I'm German, from Cologne. Where are you from?"

Puffing out my chest as much as possible, I boom, "I am a football manager," half-expecting a cape to sprout out of the back of my shoulders. She giggles- desired effect, achieved.

"How much longer are you here for," Marika smiles.

"Well, I can be here as long as I want to be here, honey. I'm a," pausing for dramatic effect, "Football manager. My season finished a month ago."

"Well then, mister Football Manager. Who do you manage," she asks, prodding my story.

Uh-oh. I can't say I manage Varzim because she'll have no idea who that is! "Uh, well, I've bounced around a bit. I worked with uh...Porto's U-15 team. Yeah, Porto's U-15 team," I stutter. I'm so screwing this up.

"Wow, so you don't even manage real men," she jokes, looking towards Joao as he jogs over as athletically as an obese divorcé can. "Your friend looks like a real manager...can you introduce us?"

---------------------------------------------------------

Two hours later, I sit alone in our room. My chief scout, Joao Teixeira, is god-knows-where with the German girl, and here I sit in our room, ironically doing some scouting.

As I open my e-mail, I notice a couple of e-mails from my new assistant manager, Magalhaes. Reading them one-by-one, I learn that a Nigerian player from Leixoes' academy is staying at the same resort as us.

Finally, I come to the e-mail labeled 'game film'. With each video I watch, I become more and more enticed.

The last e-mail from my new assistant mentions that, since he is not under contract with Leixoes, we can sign this child prodigy right here in Olhao! No transfer fee, nothing.

"Hello? Daniel? You here?" slurs my chief scout.

"Yes I'm here Joao. Is that German girl still with you?"

"Nope. Turns out she's a lesbian and plays on the German national team," he sighs. You win some, you lose some.

Suddenly remembering the child prodigy, I ask Joao, "Eh, have you heard of this Onyeka kid, from Leixoes?"

"****ing right I have. The kid's an animal. He is a physical beast man, he might even end up in the ****ing Primeira Liga, I'm telling you- the kid's legit."

"Alright then, looks like we're going to go find ourselves a new striker Joao," I say with a strong sense of determination.

"Are you nuts Dan? We're at beach resort in Olhao! Leixoes play way up in Northern Portugal- near Porto," he shouts, looking at me as though I'm off my rocker.

Sliding my sunglasses on for the full effect of badassery, I say, "I've got a plan. We're going to get this 18 year-old Nigerian kid absolutely plastered, then make him sign a contract. He won't even remember signing it, and when training camp starts in two weeks, we'll call Leixoes and tell him he's signed for us..."

"Dan sometimes I think you were a criminal in a past life," my chief scout chuckles as he drags his drunk body off of the bed and towards the door


----------------------------------------

Two hours later, we'd signed Onyeka for a single season with a club option for a second, at 400€ p/wk.

This is going to be a veerrrrry interesting season, I think to myself.

Coming into Conflict

http://www.stadionwelt.de/sw_stadien/fotos/stadionlisten/portugal/estadio_do_varzim_sc/100.jpg

*sniff* Ah, it feels good to be back at work. The grass, the unmistakeable smell of sweat that comes with playing in this old barn, the groundskeeper puttering around on a forty year-old beast of a machine.

This is home now. And I love it.

"Sup homie," shouts Miguel, as he walks into the stadium wearing an ill-fitting Armani suit. Too much money. "How was Olhao bro? How were the ladies? Treat you well," he says, winking. Working with this 'player' is going to be a lot of fun...

"Look," he continues, "I know you probably got attached to your homeboys that you coached last season, but they've got to go."

Suddenly attentive, I stammer, "What do you mean?"

All of 'em bro. They've got to go. The club's losing cash fast, and I'm not down with that. You're going to let them all go on free transfers man," he instructs, as though speaking to a school child.

"Miguel, you can't just come here and tell me how to run my t-"

"My team, Daniel. This is my team now," he interrupts, with the same speaking-to-child tone. "This is my team, bro. You're just along for the ride. But I promise if you cut all of the players from last year, I'll give you a nice transfer budget, because I like you man. We're buddies. I take care of my buddies," he says with a sick grin on his face.

This guy is trying to run my team into the ground!

"Miguel, I can't just do that. What about Nelsinho? He made the Third Division XI of the Year!"

"Nah bro. They've all got to go. Every last one."

"At least let me keep the young guys from last year, they're not making much," I plead.

"Bro, I'm going to let you keep three because I see how much your homies mean to you. But only three. Who will they be?"

Thinking quickly, I told him to keep CM Tiago Ronaldo, RB Goncalo Costa, and CB Pedro Alexandre.

"Alright bro. By all means, go ham during the transfer window, I'll set you up my man," he says as he skips away down the steps towards the exit.

What a ****head. Did he really just force me to release my entire squad?

Turning to get more comfortable in my cheap plastic stadium seat, I see an unopened letter lying in the seat which was just occupied by Miguel.

I quickly open it, and see:


He said grandpa. He said our family. Taking a moment to compose myself, I realize we've got fifteen matches slated for six weeks. That's madness. Especially considering I have a grand total of THREE players under contract as of tomorrow?

Such is life in Portuguese lower league football.

Will I be able to piece together a full squad in less than two months? I sure hope so...

Out with the old, in with the new

Today was a very difficult day for me. Seventeen players, who I bled and sweat with all of this past season- shown the door because our wannabe-gangster chairman decided they weren't good enough for 'his' squad.

Certain players were resigned to their fate, apparently already informed that the new ownership didn't like the way they performed last season.

Others, like our Player of the Year, Nelsinho, had delusions of higher levels. "You couldn't afford to re-sign me anyways," he said to me as he slammed the door after blabbing about a trial with Porto "B".

Regardless, the following seventeen players have been released:

Gaspar, D, 38, 25 apps, 2 G, 6.75 amr
Rincon, ST, 36, 27 apps, 4G, 6.62 amr
Rui Figueiredo, M, 7 apps, 2G, 6.57 amr
Tiago Lopes, D, 30, 31 apps, 0G, 6.92 amr
Vitor Hugo, ST, 28, 27 apps, 8G, 6.85 amr
Miguel, GK, 40, 30 apps, 11CS, 6.79 amr
Nelsinho, M, 34, 30 apps, 7G, 7.03 amr
Mario Cunha, M, 23, 30 apps, 0G, 6.68 amr
Francisco Vila Cova, GK, 24, 2 apps, 0CS, 6.40 amr
Tanela, ST, - Did Not Play
Pedro Sa, M, - Did Not Play
Vasco Braga, GK - Did Not Play
Diogo Neves, M - Did Not Play
Diogo Lucho, M, 21, 28 apps, 1G, 6.75 amr
Joao Agostinho, D, 29, 25 apps, 2G, 6.82 amr
Amilton, M, 23, 3 apps, 0G, 6.52 amr
Pato, M, - Did Not Play

http://www.minhascamisas.com.br/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/varzim.jpg

Thankfully, my head of youth development, Bruno Jésus, knows what he's doing.

Immediately after I'd finished the final, excruciating round of releases, Jésus entered my office with a broad smile and said, "We can recover from this, Daniel."

He laid out in front of me ten portfolios and said, "This is the future of our club."

2014 Varzim Youth Intake

Thus, with our first friendly in a week's time against Champions League-bound Braga, my current roster is composed of three young signings from last season and my ten-man youth intake. This could be quite the challenge, but I am definitely up for it!

Personal Update - Daniel Mourinho

Things are going very well in my life right now- the new board of directors seem pleased with the youthful direction the club is trending in...maybe because it's cheaper!

As fate would have it that Germany woman, the lesbian footballer Marika, is staying in our town for the summer to train with a German club team that's on tour! Seems as though I'll be seeing a lot of her throughout the pre-season... D-Mo OUT!

With Pain Comes Gain - Pre-Season 2014

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While it may not have been the most impressive pre-season, we gained valuable experience by attempting to 'punch above our weight', albeit failing miserably.



That may have been the single most forgettable month of football I have ever been a part of- constant lashings, beatings, and downright sexual assaults on our team's pride.

Why new owner Miguel Evangelista and my grandpa, Mourinho Félix, would build that kind of exhibition schedule is beyond me.

Evangelista's "Garrincha Cup" idea was idiotic, as we were truly pummeled in all three matches. Friendlies against top clubs from France and Italy- really? REALLY?!?

Transfers

The sole bright spot of the pre-season, we did manage to sign some quality players.


All in all, a very solid set of transfers. We also sold youngsters Joao Festas (Gil Vicente - 23.5k) and Christian Rodrigues (Vit. Setubal - 26.5k). While both would have been key members of the squad, the club simply needed the cash.

Varzim S.C. 2014-15 Starting XI