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Borat: Management In Football To Make Benefit Glorious Nation Kazakhstan

Started on 19 August 2014 by qwertyman
Latest Reply on 1 September 2014 by qwertyman
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qwertyman's avatar Group qwertyman
6 yearsEdited

Hello, my name a Borat from Kazakhstan.

I used to be journalist, and I go to England and the United States and America, where I meet very nice people, and also Mr. Jesus.

I since retired, and I saw a game of football, and I think it's very nice. I became really interested, and I missed my wife's funeral. My father, Boltok the Rapist, would have definitely liked this game.

It is because of this that I am now the manager of the whole nation of Kazakhstan. I will now win everything, and then beat Uzbekistan by loads.

AUTHORS NOTES
Firstly, thanks to Ziechael for the banner.

I will put a list of Kazakh players in another post. I'm sure that nobody on this website knows any Kazakh person apart from Borat.

If you didn't get Borat's writing there, he has been interested in football since he got back from America, and now he has been appointed as manager of Kazakhstan national football team.

I will write this story through Borat's eyes, and I hope to stop most European countries mopping the floor with Kazakhstan. I hope this story will last until FM15.

My first match is a friendly against Sudan.
Haha, this looks quality mate, good luck!
Cheers Joe!
Love your weird, interesting stories. I will definitely be following, good luck!

Kazakhstan Squad For Match Against Sudan

I have now told my players that I want them to play against Sudan. I am confident that we will win. If we win, I will let all my players have sexy time with Sudan fans. These are the players:

??????????? - GOALKEEPERS

http://www.soccerpunter.com/images/gsm/players/150x150/55900.png
???????? ????? - Alexandr Mokin


http://static.transfermarkt.net/bilder/spielerfotos/S/Y/s_43442_8835_2008_1.jpg
????? ????? - David Loria


http://planotatico.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/9db0befb31767c710e4816fb667cf52.jpg
?????? ?????????? - Andrey Sidelnikov

????????? - DEFENDERS

http://www.reviersport.de/include/images/soccer/persons/000/000/21/03_2013-07-23_small.jpeg
????????? ???????? - Alexander Langlitz


http://cache.images.globalsportsmedia.com/soccer/players/150x150/68426.png
???? ?????? - Mark Gorman


http://media5.ligtv.com.tr/img/players/55822.png
?????? ???????? - Alexey Muldarov


http://cache.images.globalsportsmedia.com/soccer/players/150x150/16478.png
???????? ?????????? - Heinrich Schmidtgal


http://sportbuddha.com/KAZAKHSTAN/SHOMKO.jpg
??????? ?????? - Dmitriy Shomko


http://www.sportal.de/photos/fussball/players/150x180/konstantin-engel-13237.jpg
?????????? ????? - Konstantin Engel


http://static.transfermarkt.net/bilder/spielerfotos/s_73776_19214_2010_1.jpg
????????? ????? - Alexander Kirov


http://www.footballzz.com/img/jogadores/36/179636_kairat_nurdauletov.jpg
?????? ??????????? - Kayrat Nurdauletov

??????????? - MIDFIELDERS

http://sportbuddha.com/KAZAKHSTAN/ZHUMASKALIYEV.jpg
?????? ????????????? - Nurbol Zhumaskaliyev


http://fca.kz/files/team/main/muzhikov.jpg
????????? ???????? - Serikzhan Muzhikov


http://www.pressefotoulmer.de/archive/t_28178-89110185326.jpg
???????? ?????????? - Yevgeniy Averchenko



???? ?????????? - Azat Nurgaiyev


http://static.transfermarkt.net/bilder/spielerfotos/s_125759_24960_2012_1.jpg
?????? ?????????????? - Dmitri Miroschnichenko


http://www.national-football-teams.com/media/cache/players_page/uploads/person_photos/Zhambyl_Kukeev_20811-5203d9cebe0ac.jpeg
??????? ??????? - Zhambyl Kukeyev



???????? ??????? - Dmitrij Nazarov

???????? - STRIKERS

http://static.transfermarkt.net/bilder/spielerfotos/s_236222_10482_2012_1.jpg
?????? ???????? - Alexey Schetkin


http://paradisebusinessbuilders.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/silhouette-man.jpg
?????? ????????? - Sergey Ostapenko



????? ??????????? - Tahat Nusserbayev


http://static.transfermarkt.net/bilder/spielerfotos/s_114851_10480_2012_1.jpg
?????? ???????????? - Sergey Khizhnichenko

I am looking forward, I think we will beat the Sudan team tomorrow. They can't be better then the Jew team that was executed yesterday.

And thanks to the comment of Zed, you are now famous in Kazakhstan. I can only now offer you my sister, number 4 prostitute in all of Kazakhstan.
Ahahahh, so funny!
Ah that's ok, shouldn't be too bad xD
;)

Казакһстан вс. Сұдан - Kazakhstan vs. Sudan

This very nice match. Here's what happened.

"OK, I want you to go out and win. I have told you what you need to do. Do you know reward yet?" I said.

"No" said every player.

"We make sexy time with Sudan fans. You need to win first."


Kazakhstan 2-0 Sudan

VERY NICE!!!


Now, I will now make tactic for match against Ireland. I have never visited this country. I keep hearing on television "Irish Priest Sex Scandal". It improved relations between Kazakhstan and Ireland.

I'm glad that Zed accepted my offer, he will find that it is worth his time. Joe, I do not mind people laughing at me, unless you are Jew. If you are Jew, do not talk.

AUTHORS NOTES:
Joe, I don't actually mind if you are Jewish, but Borat does.
This was a pretty nice win, my slow moving tactic is only really to stop team mopping the floor with my team, but if I can win against Sudan, then I'm sure I can manage a few points against some teams in the group.
Oh my god this is so good!

??????? ?? ??????? - Welcome to Ireland

Jagshemesh. I am now in the Republic and Ireland to play against their football team. I have chosen some new players, they are:

http://desporto_stats.imgs.sapo.pt/9/People/27771.png
??????? ???????? - Valeriy Korobkin


http://s5o.sports.ru/storage/simple/ru/edt/10/06/96/28/rue46859f8e24.jpeg
????? ???????? - Pavel Shabalin



?????? ?????? - Sergey Gridin


These players are not good, but some good players break stuff in leg, so they can't play for me.
I'm not sure if we can beat Ireland, but I will try my best. I know Ireland has gypsies, so I will take their tears to give us luck.

Joe, wa-wa-wee-wa! I didn't expect it to be that good! I can only now offer you tickets to Running of the Jew!
Wow! This really is something! :)) Keep it up, it gave everyone at work a good laugh! :P
Haha as 510 said, this is great :P
Keep it up :)

Матцһ Репорт - Match Report

It was a good match against Ireland, but we lose 2-0. Irish people thought they would rape us in the anoos, but we resisted well.

I don't mind. Of course, the Kazakh people think that we did win, and we will return home heroes.

We now will play Sweden, at their ground. We might have a chance, Sweden are not playing well at the moment. They lost 5-0 to Germany.

WA-WA-WEE-WA!!!

Both goals came from penalties, but I like! I LIKE!!! HIGH FIVE!!!

Zlatan, now enemy of Kazakhstan, scored their goal, but I like this result! Next time, we play Germany in Germany.

510, what company do you work for? I can send potassium, apples or pubictarium, all made in Kazakhstan. I am also glad that Zed is enjoying my story. Let us play sport of Shurik together!


Deleted's avatar Deleted
This story could be legendary in so many ways. Keep up the good work! I'm sure they'll be some non football surprises on the way.

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