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Kalle Koskinen: The Iceman

Kalle Koskinen Challenges The World Of Football In This Tale
Started on 23 April 2019 by Justice
Latest Reply on 7 December 2019 by Griffo
Justice's avatar Group Justice
1 yearEdited

Peimari Rally Late To Secure Semi Final Spot

Peimari United Scored Twice Late On In A 2-0 Win Over TPS In The Suomen Cup Quarter Finals


Peimari United scored two very late goals to break TPS' cup dreams in the quarter finals of the Suomen Cup, as Peimari ran out 2-0 winners at Kupittaan jalkapallostadion in Turku. Goals from Riku Sjöroos and Antti Pokela did the damage as Peimari United continued to prove to be the surprise package, earning a place in the semi finals for a second year running.

The heat of summer had begun to slowly creep into the country, but it was Peimari United's travelling support who provided the warmth in Turku. They were singing from whistle-to-whistle, with no break in between. The fans seemed to inspire the players, who proved to be more than up for the challenge of competing away from home against a formidable Veikkausliiga side.

Both sides were equally matched in the early parts of the game, and neither side looked like breaking the dead lock. The ball moved slickly on the artificial turf as both teams faced off, but neither goalkeeper was put to the test until the final few minutes of the game.

Peimari proved to be the fitter of the two teams, as they showed a relentless nature in play. While TPS looked to struggle in every facet of their game late on, Peimari continued to flourish. This showed in the first goal. From a throw-in on the right, Antti Pokela showed a burst of speed to beat two TPS defenders before floating a cross to the back post where Riku Sjöroos was quickest to react as he sent a darting header beyond TPS goalkeeper Miikka Mujunen and into the back of the net, with just two minutes remaining.

Sjöroos turned provider, and Pokela turned goalscorer, for the second goal. Deep into stoppage time, Sjöroos cushioned Kauppinen's long ball into the path of Antti Pokela who fired an unstoppable first-time half-volley into the bottom corner from eighteen yards. It was a goal which killed off TPS late in the game, and sent the travelling Peimari United fans into hysteria. It was to be another Suomen Cup semi final for the visitors.

TPS 0-2 Peimari United

Player Ratings:
GK: Mujunen (6.7)
DR: Marcel (6.7)
DCR: Jeng (6.2)
DCL: Obidikwa (6.4)
DL: Kinnunen (6.4)
MCR: Robson (6.5)
MCL: Hradecký (6.7) [67']
AMR: Jakonen (6.5)
AMC: Virtanen (6.7) [55']
AML: Ääritalo (6.4) [50']
ST: Yateke (6.0)
Subs Used:
Sub 1: Gabrielsson (6.3) [50']
Sub 2: Prosa (6.4) [55']
Sub 3: Aka (6.6) [67']

Manager: Jari Åhman
Peimari United:
GK: Hakala (7.1)
DR: Rodrigues (7.9)
DCR: Mäkelä (7.2)
DCL: Holma (7.8)
DL: Virtanen (7.0)
DM: Hyökyvirta (6.7)
MCR: Popovitch (6.7)
MCL: Järvinen (6.8)
AMR: Larsson (6.3) [66']
AML: Ollila (6.3) [66']
ST: Santanen (6.2) [66']
Subs Used:
Sub 1: Kauppinen (6.8) [66']
Sub 2: Sjöroos (7.9) [66']
Sub 3: Pokela (7.9) [66']

Manager: Kalle Koskinen

Peimari United Proved To Be The Fitter Of The Two Teams And Scored Two Late Goals To Progress

Kalle Koskinen:
"It was a difficult game today, there's no doubting that. We knew we would have to battle for the win. TPS like to make games very difficult for their opposition, that is something they are very good at. We had to fight for every first-ball and every second-ball in every phase of the game. It was tiring, both physically and mentally. It required a lot of mental steel to keep pushing and to get the result we wanted.

The two goals came from substitutes today, demonstrating the depth we have in this squad. I'm happy with every player who comes in to the team and performs. We have a very strong group and we want to continue to prove that we deserve to be among the best teams in the country. We did well to keep our heads and score twice late on to win the game today. Now, we have to think about the next game. Tomorrow we will come together and see who is fit and who is ready to play the next game."

Semi Final Draw

Peimari United Were Drawn Against KTP In The Suomen Cup Semi Finals

Peimari United were rewarded for their win over TPS with a home fixture against fellow Ykkönen side KTP. The game will be played at HakkisPaana 9th May, just four days before the sides play against each other at HakkisPaana in the league. The winner will play against either SJK or FC Haka in the final of the competition.

Comment Section

ScottT, rotation will be happening a lot, I just hope the players can perform at their best!
TheLFCFan, everybody is a key member of the squad, in some way or the other. They will all need to be at their best.

Previous Update: #50 - Season 2020: April
Next Update: #52 - Loose Ends
Great work to make the semi-finals once again. Hopefully this year you can take it the one step further and win the entire thing.
The two substitutes make a huge impression and send you through to the semi-finals. Brilliant stuff! Facing a side in your own division presents a fantastic opportunity to secure a place in the final - but one that will have to be earned, of course. Best of luck.
Justice's avatar Group Justice
1 yearEdited

Loose Ends

A Secretive Meeting Takes Place In A Hotel Room In Las Vegas


Las Vegas, USA

'Welcome To Fabulous Las Vegas' read the iconic sign on South Las Vegas Boulevard. It was an invitation to the world for those hopeful of winning fortunes to visit and to attempt to earn a fraction of the treasures which glittered in the city which thrived at night. For many, Las Vegas was an epitome of the 'American Dream'; a fantasy which came into existence decades ago by migrants who wished to make a life of glamour and riches for themselves in the United States of America.

Nevada's largest city was never quite asleep. Casinos, clubs and other social locations lived on a twenty-four hour basis, never resting. The city attracted people from every corner of the world, of all religions, beliefs and backgrounds. Billionaires' cars lined the streets while ladies of the night lined the sidewalks. Laughter and chatter created a symphony which never died while glittering dresses and jewelry, which accompanied sharp suits, dazzled onlookers.

Vegas' skyline was occupied by the most famous casinos in the world. The Palms, the Mandalay Bay, the Bellagio, the Hard Rock, and many more were identified as Las Vegas' gemstones. While their business was to attract gamblers from all over the globe, they also catered for those looking for an escape from the world, and for those looking to conduct business meetings in the most glamorous, and also secretive, of locations. These casinos allowed their patrons to either work in spotlight, or to work inconspicuously. A stage for world viewing was also the perfect shroud of disguise, with the right nous.

It was the Lucky Dragon which worked as a shroud during the early months of summer. The casino had previously been a failed business before a mystery buyer took control of it from an auction a few months previously. Since then, business had never been better. The casino was famous for its iconic golden dragon, which snaked down from the roof of the tall room and glared at the patrons with an open-mouthed roar.

The casino acted as a front for The Dragon organisation, which used the casino-hotel as their American headquarters. Their leader had visited the building to attend a meeting which was necessary, but he felt to be nonsensical. He ghosted through the casino before making his way to the penthouse of the building, where his private office belonged. He was welcomed by the staff, albeit with no mention of his name. He was a man with no title and no name. His true identity had died decades previously, forging a shroud of mystery about him. He was a man with no chains shackling him. He wasn't just a ghost; he was a devil. He belonged to no creed or family - he barely belonged to the world.

He sat down on one side of a desk which made up an otherwise blank and empty room. He rested his arms on the desk, with his hands clasped together. He waited patiently for his visitor to arrive. His eyes didn't blink once while his mind took minutes to formulate a strategy that would have taken others days to consider. A scar ran down from one of his eyes, while his skin was as pale as ice despite spending much of his time in Macau. His skin was as rough as a snake's, destroyed by years of battle.

After some time, the door into the office opened and a man of medium build, dressed in a navy suit and white shirt, made his way into the room before slamming the door behind him. He was in his late-fifties, with his graying hair balding in the middle. He was overweight, but not excessively. Wrinkles tarnished his skin while round glasses bespectacled his face. He marched towards the desk with an arrogant swagger before slamming his fists on the desk in anger, before sitting down in front of the desk. He waited to be addressed by his host for some time, rather impatiently, before realising that the leader of The Dragon was not going to offer him that luxury.

"Are you not going to welcome me here?" spoke the bespectacled man with a tone of impatience. He was from London and his accent rung with a sense of nerves. He fidgeted his hands and looked into his host's eyes. He struggled to match his glare. Intimidated by man with no name, the Englishman looked away in defeat. He felt his body begin to sweat profusely. The Englishman had summoned the man with no name for a meeting, but it was the Englishman who felt under scrutiny. The Englishman gulped harshly before speaking once more.

"I hired your organisation, that is known as 'The Dragon' to kill Kalle Koskinen. You have so far failed to do so, despite me offering you significant payment. What you have shown so far is no more than pathetic and weak, and I demand you return me my money. Twenty million pounds is a lot of money and it is my right to have it back. You lied to me when you said you could kill him, and you are a fraud.

I have taken alternative actions, due to your incompetence. I am paying a man named Michael Scott a great sum to travel to Finland and to destroy Kalle Koskinen as extravagantly as possible. I want to make a mockery of him for what he has done to me. I hate him and I want him dead. So too does Michael Scott. I have now given him the resources to make that happen, and I imagine he will do a better job than you.

I shall leave now, but I expect you to refund the money I paid to you within the week, or I shall destroy your so-called 'organisation'. I'll leave you in a pile of rubble, no greater than the sand which surrounds this city. You can't even talk to me, that's how much of a coward you are."

The man with no name was unchanged. His complexion remained as calm and composed as ever. He stared into the soul of the Englishman, unsettling his guest. He knew that silence was his greatest weapon. He had often preached that time unsettled his enemies. If he made them wait, he destroyed them piece-by-piece. He employed the same tactic with the Englishman.

The Englishman stood up out of his chair before marching towards the door, shaking his head as he did so. He had not achieved anything from the meeting. He felt deflated that his host did not utter a single word, degrading him in the process. He was about to open the door when he felt the man with no name speak. His words slithered through the air like the hiss of a snake.

"Before you go, Mister Maguire, you shall go to room 438. There is an Asian girl of eighteen years of age, but she has the appearance of a twelve year old. I believe that is your type. You may do with her as you wish for an hour, then you shall spend thirty minutes in the casino before leaving this building to return to your hotel - the Hard Rock. This meeting should appear to have never taken place.

You have insulted my organisation. By sending Michael Scott to assassinate Kalle Koskinen, you have made a grave mistake. Kalle shall live. Another public attempt on his life would draw attention to us, which is something we cannot allow to happen. This organisation has survived for as long as it has by remaining discrete. One of my operatives shall strike down Michael Scott in a discrete manner. Michael Scott will cease to exist.

If you so much as utter a word of this meeting to anybody, and we will know if you do, we shall kill every member of your family. Your own faith has been decided. For your negligence, lack of respect and for your stupidity, you shall die. I shall not yet tell you when and how it will occur, for you might try to alter events to disrupt that. If you make a mistake, we will make your death an unbearably-painful one.

Now you can leave, Mister Maguire, and do as I have told you. You do not want to anger me further. Your daughters will pay the price if you do."

The colour had drained from Maguire's face. His hands began to shake violently as he realised his fate had been sealed. With sweat beginning to drop down his face in large beads, he pushed through the door to exit the room. He felt naked and vulnerable, as if he had been stripped of everything he held dear to him. He would no longer have the opportunity to seek vengeance on Kalle Koskinen, but he knew that Michael Scott was on a mission of his own. While Maguire had no chance of being the man responsible for Koskinen's imminent death, Michael Scott had every chance.

Comment Section

TheLFCFan, that's the objective!
ScottT, I was pleased that the subs came on and changed the game, it proved that we have plenty of weapons in our arsenal that we can call upon when needed.

Previous Update: #51 - Peimari Rally Late To Secure Semi Final Spot
Next Update: #53 - Pokela Scores Late To Earn Cup Final Spot For Peimari
What could Kalle have possibly done to have a £20 million bounty on his head. Good to see that through Maguires “attack” on the Dragon organization, Michael Scott is seemingly a dead man walking.
ScottT's avatar Group ScottT
1 yearEdited
Mr Maguire is clear on his stance and now Michael Scott seems to be in an unenviable position. That will rid of one thorn in Koskinen's side, but Maguire seems to be a huge threat. His life appears to be far from safe.
I can’t believe that someone whose global standing is so low at the moment at some 2nd division Finnish football club is worth £20million for his death, so Kalle must be in deep with something.

The Dragon also appears to be quite amateurish in all honesty. The man at the head of it seems to be a professional but he does seem to suffer fools who work for him after the terrible job that they attempted on Kalle in the first place, any good crime organisation would have done the job within seconds of capturing Kalle, not keeping him long enough to be saved.
Justice's avatar Group Justice
12 monthsEdited

Pokela Scores Late To Earn Cup Final Spot For Peimari

Antti Pokela Scored Very Late As Peimari Won 1-0 Against KTP In The Cup Semi Final


Peimari United booked their place in the final of the Suomen Cup following a tense 1-0 win over KTP in the semi final at HakkisPaana. Antti Pokela came off the bench to score in the final minutes of the game to secure the win for the home side who had dominated the game but were unable to find the back of the net earlier. The win meant only SJK stood in the way of Peimari United who were chasing a first ever Suomen Cup trophy.

400 fans packed into HakkisPaana to witness the much-anticipated clash between the two Ykkönen sides. Peimari United had started the season strongly, winning every game played except for one Suomen Cup qualifier, which was against KTP. Peimari United were out for revenge and the players seemed to burn with a desire to right past wrongs in front of their own fans.

The woodwork was Peimari's enemy and KTP's best friend throughout the game, denying the hosts on three different occasions. Kevin Larsson was the first player to see a shot denied by the frame of the goal, curling a close-range effort off the outside of the right-hand post after beating two players in a successful dribble. That was quickly followed up by a Jesper Santanen header which sailed over the head of KTP goalkeeper Jiri Koski but crashed off the underside of the bar before clearing the penalty area. Eero Hyökyvirta was the third to strike the woodwork as he saw a thunderous free-kick effort crash off the post and rebound away.

Antti Pokela was the hero off the bench once more, as he scored the all-important winner late on. The young striker latched on to an expertly-dispatched long ball from teenage full back Jukka Virtanen, and the striker controlled the ball well before sliding the ball past Jiri Koski, who had charged out from his goal, and into the back of the net. It was a goal which lifted HakkisPaana as a deafening roar broke out from the stand.

KTP tried their best to find a way back into the game late on but Peimari United held strong. KTP's best chance came from a last-minute corner where Aleksis Lehtonen redirected the ball towards goal with a slight header, but Peimari United's Aatu Hakala was alert to catch the ball with ease. Peimari showed composure to see the game out and book themselves a place in the final.

Peimari United 1-0 KTP

Player Ratings:
Peimari United:
GK: Hakala (6.8)
DR: Rodrigues (7.1)
DCR: Mäkelä (6.9)
DCL: Holma (7.3)
DL: Virtanen (7.5)
DM: Hyökyvirta (6.9)
MCR: Popovitch (6.9)
MCL: Järvinen (6.8)
AMR: Larsson (6.8) [80']
AML: Ollila (6.5) [58']
ST: Santanen (6.4) [58']
Subs Used:
Sub 1: Sjöroos (6.6) [58']
Sub 2: Pokela (8.1) [58']
Sub 3: Kauppinen (N/A) [80']

Manager: Kalle Koskinen
GK: Koski (6.0)
DR: Coubronne (6.5)
DCR: Dolivo (6.5)
DCL: Pasi (6.9)
DL: Laitinen (6.2)
MR: Jääskeläinen (6.9)
MCR: Lindfors (6.4)
MCL: Liljasto (6.5) [73']
ML: Celik (6.4) [56']
STCR: Tamminen (6.4) [67']
STCL: Lehtonen (6.6)
Subs Used:
Sub 1: Lepola (6.4) [56']
Sub 2: Heinonen (6.6) [67']
Sub 3: Kolsi (6.7) [73']

Manager: Jari-Pekka Gummerus

Antti Pokela's Goal Off The Bench Was The All-Important One As It Sent Peimari To The Final

Kalle Koskinen:
"All good today. Job done, we won the game. We had to really fight for the result today and the goal just didn't want to seem to come until late on. We hit the woodwork three times and I was thinking to myself; 'okay, maybe we won't have the luck today!' but we we got the goal we probably deserved in the end. We can take a lot of pride from that.

I've very happy with Antti's (Pokela) contribution. It can be a little difficult to have to take your chances from the bench, with Jesper (Santanen) playing so well when starting, but Antti has scored some very important goals for him now. We have a lot of competition for places in our team and Antti has done well to show that he is a very important part of our team, even when he does not play from the start.

We can look forward to playing in the final again. I'm not quite yet sure who we got. It was SJK who won their semi final (in response to reporter)? Okay, so we will play SJK. Good team. We have some knowledge of playing against them, having won 4-0 last season. I think they'll be far more challenging than that when we face them again. Tonight we can rest, we'll begin to think about the final tomorrow."

Final Draw

Peimari United Will Face SJK In The Suomen Cup Final

The final will see Peimari United play against SJK. SJK have been drawn as the home side, meaning the final will be played at their Seinäjoen jalkapallostadion in Seinäjoki. The two teams faced each other last season at the quarter final stage where Peimari United walked out as 4-0 winners. The final will be played on 23rd May, with the winner to claim the Suomen Cup trophy and UEFA Europa League qualification.

Comment Section

TheLFCFan, we shall find out soon ;)
BigMaguire, sure....
ScottT, nobody is safe any more ;)
Jack, well I guess Kalle is just one of a kind ;)

Previous Update: #52 - Loose Ends
Next Update: #54 - Former UEFA Vice-President Found Dead In Home
Congratulations on reaching the final once again, a remarkable achievement given your stature in Finnish football at the moment. After a stunning victory against SJK last time the two sides met, it would be great to see a repeat which would enable Peimari to celebrate a stunning cup triumph.
The Suomen Cup always plucks up some surprises just by its qualification process and the level playing field that exists to an extent in Finland. There is Koskinen’s first major domestic cup honour on the horizon here, take the chance!
Justice's avatar Group Justice
12 monthsEdited

Former UEFA Vice-President Found Dead In Home

Former UEFA Vice-President Boris Maguire Was Found Dead In His Home In Kensington


Former UEFA vice-president Boris Maguire was today found dead in his home in Kensington, London. The disgraced former representative of European's governing body of football was found dead by his personal assistant Sebastien Tyson this morning. Paramedics arrived at the scene shortly after but were unable to resuscitate Maguire, who investigators believed to have died overnight. While no official statement concerning Boris Maguire's cause of death has been made, sources from within Scotland Yard have revealed that Boris Maguire died from an aggressive allergic reaction to nuts.

Born on 20th April 1969, Boris was the only child of father Tobey and mother Hagrid. It was Boris' dream as a child to be a professional ballet dancer, and he performed in dance competitions, both individually and as part of a team, from a young age. Maguire's parents had ambitions for him to become a world-renowned dancer, but a general lack of ability meant that Boris' dancing career never took off properly from the ground.

Boris Maguire turned to football during his early teenage years with ambitions to make a living out of being involved in the off-the-pitch side of the game. Boris co-founded an on-terrace sandwich-providing company with childhood best friend Larry Murphy, named Boris Bites. Boris and Larry sold pre-made (and packed) sandwiches to football supporters during the gameplay. This allowed for patrons to buy sandwiches without having to move from the comfort of their seats. Boris Bites operated at Highbury until supporters' protests over being disturbed while spectating football matches lead to the company being disbanded.

Maguire and Murphy reopened Boris Bites as a sub shop local to Highbury in 1977 and enjoyed reasonable success. Maguire expanded his business further and opened up sub shops in Reading, Oxford, Coventry and Birmingham. In the year 2001, Maguire and Murphy sold Boris Bites for €250,000 to renowned businessman and entrepreneur Mike Ashley. Maguire and Murphy parted ways following the sale of their successful company, with Murphy going on to make a name for himself in his native Ireland.

Maguire's career as a businessman began to falter shortly after, and Maguire instead became involved in the political side of football. He was elected to the role of an FA official in 2008 and was part of a council of FA officials who were responsible for some rather controversial moments in football's history. Maguire helped pass a ruling which allowed football clubs to raise ticket prices by an extortionate amount, and maximise ticket allocations to corporate sponsors. This decision was heavily scrutinised by the general public who felt that the spirit of football had been taken away from them.

In 2009 Boris Maguire made public his intention of becoming involved with UEFA. After pestering senior officials of UEFA to no end, Boris Maguire acquired a role within UEFA's inner council, and was subsequently given the role of vice-president. Under the stewardship of Boris Maguire, controversies began to flow throughout Europe. Maguire was suspected to be involved in illegal transfers of players from Brazil to Portuguese side FC Porto, and from Croatian club Dinamo Zagreb to other major European clubs. However, no credible evidence was ever presented of Maguire's involvement.

The introduction of the Mia Koskinen Act in September 2018 saw Boris Maguire removed from office and suspended without pay. Investigations undertaken by an independent agency, as part of the process of implementing the Mia Koskinen Act, revealed Boris Maguire to have been guilty of racial abuse towards a number of football players in the past. Maguire was handed a two million pound fine and a six-year suspended jail sentence for his acts, and was banned from attending every football ground licensed by UEFA for life.

Outside of work, Maguire was never married but was engaged to childhood sweetheart Patricia Ato. Ato left Maguire shortly after allegations surfaced of Maguire's controversial actions. The two had two children together, Sabrina (16) and Ashley (15). Both girls have been living with their mother since their parents split. Maguire was involved in a controversial incident with his ex-fiance, Patricia, as a sex tape was released of the pair participating in intercourse in front of their then-infant children.

Maguire's assistant Sebastien Tyson found Maguire in a pool of his own vomit and fecal matter at the side of his bed. Maguire's room was littered with Snickers bar wrappers, while a bowl of half-eaten chicken satay lay beside his corpse. Maguire had a severe allergy towards peanuts, which he was aware of, but made a habit of eating peanuts anyway, enjoying the food. He was described, by doctors, as 'a man who liked to enjoy that which he should not'. However, his last meal was what killed him as he suffocated when his own vomit filled his throat, as his body attempted to expel the food from both ends. His facial expression, when found, was one of despair. He wanted to indulge on something that he could not have and, as a result, lay defeated in a pool of his own vomit and shit.

Comment Section

ScottT, here's to hoping for a repeat!
Jack, having won the Kakkonen Cup last season (as well as the Kakkonen league), it is time for Kalle to win something more prestigious.

Previous Update: #53 - Pokela Scores Late To Earn Cup Final Spot For Peimari
Next Update: #55 - Cup Final Heartbreak For Peimari Again
BigBoris was a BigBadBoi
The world is seemingly a better place without Boris. A man with many horrible moments but something tells me that there might be something more sinister than an allergic reaction that took Maguire out.
From the humble beginnings of a budding ballet dancer, it seems Maguire became involved in the aristocratic guilty indulgences and stereotypical scandals involved with someone with such stature. Makes sense of why Maguire would want to kill Koskinen but asks questions of if this death was caused solely by a peanut allergy...
I don't think I've celebrated a death like this since a certain Prime Minister died. What a gruesome death...

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