Max Kofler: Die Revolution

---

Warning: This update contains themes that may cause distress to some readers. This includes self-harm. If you, or someone close to you, requires mental-health support, please contact a helpline. If you are residing in the U.K. one of many available helplines are Samaritans who can be contacted at: 116 123. They are available to contact 24 hours a day. Remember, it's important to talk and it's okay to ask for help.

---

I was discreet. The scars that marked my body were carefully hidden away from view so nobody could see them. So nobody could see the pain that I felt. Until they did... Max did. He caught me off-guard and immediately confronted me, questioning if I was to blame for the scars that marked my body. I tried to deny it, but the excuses failed me. Having to explain why I was mutilating myself was the most damning thing I've ever had to do. Now, I had to accept that he knew something was wrong and I had to explain why.

He wanted to know everything and I realised that I couldn't withhold the information anymore, so all my darkest fears and worries spilled out. When I held those scissors close and pushed them, deep, piercing my skin, it hurt. But it brought me some brief comfort. All the pain inside was brought to the outside in physical pain, rather than mental torture. I was punishing myself, like I wanted. I truly believed that this is what I deserved.

It had been going on for several months. I continued to rip at the same scar, over and over again. The severity of the damage was clear to see. Permanent damage was all-but certain. I felt a sense of anger from Max when he questioned me, but an overriding sense of sympathy and guilt. A guilt that he hadn't been able to witness this sooner, but I explained that it wasn't his fault and instead the blame lie with me. I deliberately prevented him from witnessing this and if I had my way, it would continued to have been withheld from his knowledge.

That night was the most painful of my life. The pain I felt seemed worse than the physical pain of mutilating my skin. But there was a relief that Max was now able to share the grief I felt regarding the death of my best friend. It made me question why I never told him and why I let this haunt over me for so long, because I knew that he was the one person who would understand me. Yet, when you're in such a dark place, it alienates you from everyone and the fear you feel is like no other. It wants to isolate you. And it succeeded, in my case.

I was reluctant to seek help, but Max consoled me and we began the process together. It took weeks of persuading. Over the course of September, I began seeing a counsellor. The discussions we had were thorough and Max discovered a lot more about me, yet continued to be supportive and loving. I explained the guilt I felt and although it brought a lot of deep, dark secrets to the forefront of my mind, our discussions meant I was able to rid of them, with time.

The initial feeling of counselling brought a lot of anxiety. However, I soon realised it was something that was there to help, and whilst it doesn't work for some, it certainly helped me in ridding myself of so much darkness that was cast over my life. I felt like I wasn't alone anymore. I wasn't isolated. I was able to share my experiences without the fear of being judged. I was listened to and understood.

Maybe this process was going to be the beginning of the rest of my life...

Replies

Scouter: He's brilliant! Shame he didn't work out for you at Salzburg.

Justice: These puns will never end, will they?

Jack: Accept it, he's gone! Certainly a decent start, regardless of our failure to beat Freiburg. Getting points on the board is, indeed, very important such an early stage and hopefully we can get some momentum going throughout September.

LFC: Like I said to Jack, September is a great chance to build some momentum for the rest of the season.

Maguire: Frustrating is definitely the word to describe that Freiburg game, but we move on!

Wow Scott this is truly something else, it really is. It is an incredible look into the thoughts of someone who has experienced self harm as a coping mechanism,something which I had experienced myself throughout my life, so it hits home hard. Really great work. I think SOTM should go to you just for this alone.

At least, for Laura's sake, she had a Wiener to turn to for comfort.

They can get through this together!

Excellent writing, Scott. Great depth to the characters, and with Max doing well in his professional life, things are looking good. You and Jack are really go all in with your stories. Look forward to future updates. And it's a great way to help the awareness with mental health. Most suffer in silence.

I echo what everyone else has said. Just incredible writing, giving us a real insight to what Laura is really going through and how much she is struggling. The realization that Max is there for her is something that will potentially help, however, it will still be a long road for Laura.

Jesus, this hit home with a lot of experiences that I have had with some of my own female friends and their personal woes. Unbelievable writing and also a great progression that Laura can start to feel more comfortable in her own skin now that she has Max to rest on when necessary.

---

---

---

---

---

---

---

---

---

---

---

After collecting four points from a possible six in August and qualifying for the UEFA Europa League Group Stages, Köln began September with their only victory of the month in a 2-1 win against Hannover 96. Bobby Wood's equaliser in the 67th minute was quickly cancelled out by Louis Schaub's strike four minutes later, in a hard-fought result for the visitors at the HDI-Arena.

The Europa League campaign resumed for Köln as they began their group stage run in Seville. In a closely-contested ninety minutes, both sides came close to breaking the deadline, but were unable to do so. Sergi Gomes' header was cleared off the line from a corner, while Wout Weghorst was denied by the post late-on. However, Kofler's men would happily take a point against the favourites to win the group, ahead of their clashes against Jagiellonia Białystok and FC Krasnodar next month.

Upon their return to the Bundesliga, Effzeh were disappointed to be held to a 0-0 draw against VfB Stuttgart, with the hosts dominating proceedings but unable to find the breakthrough, as Denis Drăguș was unable to add to his solitary goal against Hannover. Drăguș has only scored once in twelve games since returning from the European Championships with Romania in the summer.

As such, Wout Weghorst replaced the 20-year-old in the starting eleven, with the Dutchman firing home in the tenth minute to equalise against newly-promoted FC Augsburg. The hosts took the lead after seven minutes, with Erik Palmer-Brown heading powerfully past Timo Horn from a corner. The visitors were unable to find a breakthrough again, as their woes in-front of goal continued.

This problem continued into Köln's final game of the month against Borussia Dortmund, as the game finished 0-0 - the third time this season that Köln have recorded such a result. In contrast, Köln hold the best defensive record in the division - conceding just twice, one fewer than league leaders Bayer Leverkusen. Josip Brekalo was the standout performer in a poor game, with the Croatian dazzling over the ninety minutes - hitting the post from a thirty-yard curling effort, in one particular opportunity.


Bayer Leverkusen have capitalised on an inconsistent division after the opening six games. They hold a three point advantage on 1. FSV Mainz 05, who are seeking to qualify for the UEFA Champions League for the third consecutive season. Hamburger SV and 1. FC Köln conclude the top four, with the latter maintaining an unbeaten record so far, alongside the league leaders.

Bayern Munich have yet to find their stride after regaining the Bundesliga title last term. Max Freund's side succumbed to a defeat against Leverkusen, whilst also being humiliated 5-1 against Borussia Dortmund in September. They currently occupy sixth position, outside the top four due to their inferior goal-difference, which currently reads at -3.

At the bottom, FC Augsburg have endured a tough start to life back in the top-flight, whilst TSG 1899 Hoffenheim find themselves in unfamiliar territory, as they accompany Augsburg in the bottom two. The side bottom of the division will need to tighten their defence should they wish to move up the table, leaking seventeen goals already this season - conceding three or more in five of their six outings.

A winless month for FC Ingolstadt 04 resulted in them slipping to fifteenth in the table, narrowly ahead of SV Werder Bremen, who are yet to replicate their success of last season, as they finished sixth.

October begins with a home tie against Polish Ekstraklasa side Jagiellonia Białystok for Köln in the UEFA Europa League. Tests against the two top in the Bundesliga await upon their return, against Bayer Leverkusen and 1. FSV Mainz 05, before Effzeh's attention turns to the Europa League once again against FC Krasnodar. FC Ingolstadt 04 and RB Leipzig will see out the month, either side of a second round clash against 2. Bundesliga outfit SV Sandhausen in the DFB-Pokal.

Replies

Maguire: Thank you, although I think you're being far too glowing in your report! I really appreciate it though. Haha. I hope you yourself are in a better place nowadays, as it is something that unfortunately far too many people are familiar with on a personal-level. Well done on speaking out, it takes courage!

Justice: I don't know what to say to this, honestly. Trust you.

Scouter: Sharing a problem halves it, definitely!

SoA: Thank you. I think Jack executes his writing perfectly and I'm envious of it, personally! I'm glad you're enjoying, though. Talking and raising awareness about difficult things like mental-health and all the things linked to it is hugely important to preventing devastating outcomes.

LFC: You're all too kind! The road to recovery is always a long-one, but having people there to support you is helpful. Things do get better, with time.

Jack: It's a haunting situation to be apart of and I myself have experience, too. It's worrying just how many people are able to say the same, isn't it? There's a way to go for Laura yet, but discussing her problems and having a shoulder to cry on, with somebody who is deeply understanding of her needs, will really assist her recovery.

Despite the goals not flowing as freely as you would of liked, only scoring three all month, the defensive side has been phenomenal so far this year. A lot of clean sheets and the least conceded throughout the year. Also unbeaten and now in the Champions league spots, if you can start scoring goals, who knows how far you can go.

None of the regular top two teams are really on form and it looks like meanwhile you aren't coping without Pohjanpalo in the goalscoring department, you can really achieve something this year that advances from last term.

Not the best month but at least Koln are still picking up points despite not being in great form, which is a sign of resilience from Maxs side.

It seems like your Wiener can't find a way to Finnish now that Pohjanpalo is gone. In all seriousness, some good results mixed in there. You're within the battle for the top spots and a draw away to Sevilla is very respectable.

---

Robin Quaison, Jonathan Burkardt and a double from Allan Saint-Maximin resulted in a comfortable 4-1 victory for 1. FSV Mainz 05 against 1. FC Köln at the Opel Arena.

FSV Mainz 05 strolled to a comfortable 4-1 win against FC Köln last night, as they continued their push to overtake league leaders Bayer Leverkusen at the top of the Bundesliga. A strong first-half performance, which saw the hosts go in at half-time 3-1 up, was consolidated and improved on in the remaining forty-five minutes as Köln surrendered their unbeaten record in all competitions in embarrassing circumstances.

Eighteen-year-old Nicolás Fernández scored his second Bundesliga goal of the season, meanwhile, since completing a move from Uruguayan Primera División side Defensor Sporting in the summer, after scoring his first goal of the season two weeks earlier against Bayer Leverkusen in a 1-1 draw at the RheinEnergieStadion.

It was an unusual performance from the visitors, who have maintained clean-sheets in half of their Bundesliga games already this season - four from eight. However, Max Kofler's side were tore apart by the clinical front-line of Mainz - with 23-year-old Allan Saint-Maximin, in particular, shining throughout the game, as he deservedly claimed the Man of the Match award.

Yet, the problems continue to stack up for Effzeh. Their abilities in-front of goal have been lack-lustre, with a lack of potency from the attackers and a reliance on the likes of Kevin Kampl to provide the difference in games, which has witnessed them score just seven times this season - one of the lowest figures in the entire division.

Romanian international Denis Drăguș continues his dreadful form in-front of goal, whilst summer-signing Wout Weghorst has failed to score in his last three appearances, meaning he has scored just twice this season. The collective total of goals from the three strikers currently reads at just five, as a result.

A trip to Russia awaits on Thursday for Köln, as they travel to Krasnodar in their third group game of the UEFA Europa League. After two games, Kofler's men sit second in the group, with four points to their name. An opening draw against Sevilla was added to in a 2-0 victory against Jagiellonia Białystok earlier this month, with Svetozar Markovic and Josip Brekalo separating the two sides.

Krasnodar currently lead the way at the top of the group. The Russian side cruised past Jagiellonia in Poland, with a 4-0 victory, before holding Sevilla to a 0-0 draw at the Krasnodar Stadium.

It is expected that Nicolás Fernández will continue to lead the line for Köln after scoring in his last two games, in favour of out-of-form Denis Drăguș and Wout Weghorst. Dael Fry and Phillip Max, who were standout under-performers in the heavy defeat against Mainz, could be dropped.

Replies

LFC: Hopefully the result against Mainz isn't the start of the defensive aspect of our game dropping. With our issues in-front of goal, we really cannot afford for that to happen. Clean-sheets have been vital in ensuring we are getting at least something from each game.

Jack: Perhaps we could, but results like this cannot be repeated. May I also remind you that Pohjanpalo's goalscoring record, at least in the Bundesliga, was far from impressive... two goals from thirteen games.

Maguire: Indeed, but with this performance it worries me that we have been so reliant on our defence. We need goals and the strikers need to improve, drastically.

Justice: I'll never hear the end of the Pohjanpalo talk will I... especially now you're joining in! *sigh* There were some good results in there, but there are plenty of concerns that we need to address (and quickly!)

Not the most ideal of ways to end an unbeaten run. It happens, though, and it does appear that Saint-Maximin was sent by the gods to preach their wrath upon you. The Mainz thing is that you get back up and running and recover from this as quick as possible. Nobody likes a deflated Wiener.

A horrible way to end a really positive run of unbeaten matches, however, as Justice said, it happens and now Koln need to move on and get their performances back to their previous levels. Fernandez finding some form infront of goal will hopefully continue and I am sure the defense will start performing again.