Rhys Taylor: What a Hook(er)!
I had just a couple of days to Prepare for our pre-season which kicked off with a match against Camelon, a Junior Side. The Players were coming back tomorrow so I could speak to them for the first time. I looked at what teams we would be playing against in the Pre-Season. Camelon, Beith, Stirling University and Bo'ness united. They were all quite easy teams for us. But before I could see the team line-up one of the Directors, Christine Wright, Popped her head round the door.
Wright: Hello, Robert. I have just been asked by Ross to let you know that you have to come to the New Kit Sponsorship deal with me. It starts in about an hour or so.
Me: That's okay. See you then.
Great! Within 2 hours of the Press conference I have to go to some stupid Kit deal thing for the club. Oh well, It might improve my relationship with Ross.
I arrived at the Press Room swiftly, as not to annoy the Sponsors. It turned out that the new kit deal was with Puma and our sponsors would be Jet2.com and IBM. Impressive for an amateur club.
I said a few words about how this would help the club very well financially and then we said our goodbye's. I returned to the office to look at the squad list.
There was a lad called Jaime Gallagher. He had just come into the club and had been touted by the media as the next Paul McStay. As a Rangers fan, that horrified me, but he was only 14 and already in the first team. He must be some player.
Overall the squad looked very good. But we needed a goalie. We had a 17 year old called Malcom Ashgar, but I thought he was too young. I then remembered my father telling me about the time The mayor of Killymoon's Daughters had put hot candle wax on his testicles. Michael had told Dad about Or Dabool's young lover who lived in Borehamwood, Rhys Taylor. Dad said that Michael told him that he would accept amateur terms because he had a part-time job as a male prostitute. I rang him up.
Me: Hello, Rhys?
Taylor: I can be whoever you want me to be, baby.
Me: I don't want a sex line, I want to sign you for Queen's Park FC! Would you accept amateur terms?
Taylor: Sorry for that, Anyway of course I would love to sign! I will take the next Dial-A-Bus up to Glasgow!
Me: By the way, the name's Kolatowicz, Robbie Kolatowicz. My dad met you when you and him were sexually assualted by Dabool, Remember?
Taylor: Oh yes! Your dad did seem to enjoy it though. Anyway Bye!
I put down the phone.
I had just made my first signing.