Queen's Park F.C. - Ludere Causa Ludendi

I have actually have finished the Season with Queen's Park. And I do win something

The First Conference

I had hardly any time to practise anything to say to the press. But I suppose I wouldn't know the questions the journo's were going to give me no matter how hard I practised. So I was just going to have to improvise.

When I entered the Press Conference with Ross, I found that there was three journalists there.
Three. One for BBC Sport, one from the SFL and Queen's Park's PR Manager! I realised at this point the Third Division was not all glamour. So many things went through my head, The time my Father told me about how great the Mayor of Killymoon's daughter was at pole-dancing, How Bronzy had failed to mention my wife up to this point and where had my pet Donkey manchesterblue had gone. I had to clear my head. I sat down with Ross.

Caven: I would like to introduce the new gaffer, Robbie Kallatwaticz!

(I wish I had never told him my name)

Me: Let's just get on with the questions now, shall we?

Scummy Journalist: Do you want to get promoted to the Second Division?

Me: Of Course! I would hump a peruvian naked dog to get to the Second Division, That is how intent I am!

Scummy Journalist: Do you like press conferences?

Me: No.

(At this point I got up and walked away)

Me: I need to get to work on the team, so if you'll excuse me...

I didn't want to waste time with Reporters. I wanted to meet the team! Except for the fact they were all on holiday.

The Team had went on a Ryanair flight to Killymoon to have a Rape-a-Thon or something. I just sat in my office, faintly hearing my father doing it with one of the Tea Ladies.

Me: DAAAAAAAAAAD! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO STOP FOLLOWING ME TO WORK!

This is me at the Press Conference

http://cdn.ph.upi.com/ol/upi/b1152397dee0e9a87a949bcabbe0bc18/Transformers-Dark-of-the-Moon-press-conference_20_1.jpg

I look strangely like Shia LaBeouf with a beard.

Brilliant man! Best comedy here, if that's ok with you Michael (yes I know you are stalking my every move from the irky shadows of Holland)

2012-12-22 00:23#73284 The FM Rookie : Brilliant man! Best comedy here, if that's ok with you Michael (yes I know you are stalking my every move from the irky shadows of Holland)

Don't worry. I think Michael has found a Prostitute that he has set his eyes on.

Yes, you do look strangely like Shia LeBeouf with a beard

KallaTWATicz

2012-12-22 00:31#73285 Bronzy :

2012-12-22 00:23#73284 The FM Rookie : Brilliant man! Best comedy here, if that's ok with you Michael (yes I know you are stalking my every move from the irky shadows of Holland)

Don't worry. I think Michael has found a Prostitute that he has set his eyes on.

Not a prostitute oddly enough

Good Luck Son, all the best with your new job

Could anyone do the kits for me?

Home: Black and White Hoops with Jet2.com as Sponsor

Away: Red with White Stripe from one shoulder to the waist with the same sponsor

Any help would be appreciated!

Oh! I almost forgot!

Can the Kit manufacturer be Puma?

I'm really desperate to get these kits because I can't put the next part up without them

Rhys Taylor: What a Hook(er)!

I had just a couple of days to Prepare for our pre-season which kicked off with a match against Camelon, a Junior Side. The Players were coming back tomorrow so I could speak to them for the first time. I looked at what teams we would be playing against in the Pre-Season. Camelon, Beith, Stirling University and Bo'ness united. They were all quite easy teams for us. But before I could see the team line-up one of the Directors, Christine Wright, Popped her head round the door.

Wright: Hello, Robert. I have just been asked by Ross to let you know that you have to come to the New Kit Sponsorship deal with me. It starts in about an hour or so.

Me: That's okay. See you then.

Great! Within 2 hours of the Press conference I have to go to some stupid Kit deal thing for the club. Oh well, It might improve my relationship with Ross.

I arrived at the Press Room swiftly, as not to annoy the Sponsors. It turned out that the new kit deal was with Puma and our sponsors would be Jet2.com and IBM. Impressive for an amateur club.




I said a few words about how this would help the club very well financially and then we said our goodbye's. I returned to the office to look at the squad list.

There was a lad called Jaime Gallagher. He had just come into the club and had been touted by the media as the next Paul McStay. As a Rangers fan, that horrified me, but he was only 14 and already in the first team. He must be some player.

Overall the squad looked very good. But we needed a goalie. We had a 17 year old called Malcom Ashgar, but I thought he was too young. I then remembered my father telling me about the time The mayor of Killymoon's Daughters had put hot candle wax on his testicles. Michael had told Dad about Or Dabool's young lover who lived in Borehamwood, Rhys Taylor. Dad said that Michael told him that he would accept amateur terms because he had a part-time job as a male prostitute. I rang him up.

Me: Hello, Rhys?

Taylor: I can be whoever you want me to be, baby.

Me: I don't want a sex line, I want to sign you for Queen's Park FC! Would you accept amateur terms?

Taylor: Sorry for that, Anyway of course I would love to sign! I will take the next Dial-A-Bus up to Glasgow!

Me: By the way, the name's Kolatowicz, Robbie Kolatowicz. My dad met you when you and him were sexually assualted by Dabool, Remember?

Taylor: Oh yes! Your dad did seem to enjoy it though. Anyway Bye!

I put down the phone.

I had just made my first signing.

Also the Reason the kits are so bad is because I had to quickly make them so I could put this update up quicker.

"My dad met you when you and him were sexually assualted by Dabool, Remember?" -,-

You made Rhys a prostitute

2012-12-22 17:46#73404 or.dabool : "My dad met you when you and him were sexually assualted by Dabool, Remember?" -,-

You made Rhys a prostitute

Yes but you didn't pay him.