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Premier League Chairman Game

Started on 8 August 2014 by Arvind / First Post
Latest Reply on 26 August 2014 by DarylG / Last Post
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2014-08-08 17:41#188776 TCO :

Admiral General Aladeen confirms Liverpool takeover


Admiral General Aladeen announces purchase of Liverpool Football Club/


Big News today as Liverpool owner Tom Werner has sold Liverpool to extremist Admiral General Aladeen. The 14 time gold medalist in the Wadiyan games is pleased to have become the new owner of Liverpool Football Club, and hope to lead them to become the supreme oppressors in England most successful club in England.

Aladeen is of thought to of bought the club for half a box of cold chips, however reports have suggested Tom Werner insisted he should get the chips and a night with each of Aladeens' 'partners' which include the likes of Katy Perry, and Megan Fox.

When asked about his views on the youth of Liverpool, he was quick to reply in saying, "Hairy scouser, can you have 150 child warriors here by 5:00pm?"

A pregnant journalist from BBC Sport then asked Aladeen if he was willing to allow manager Brenden Rodgers spend big in the upcoming window, Aladeen replied by asking her how far a long she was with her pregnancy, and if she was having a boy, or an abortion. Immediately after adding: Oh, is there anyway any of you could lend me some money? Maybe... 20 million pounds?"

(Probably won't understand much of what I've just wrote unless you've seen the Dictator :P )
As you can tell by my profile picture, I understand.
I hoped somebody would :p




Divine Intervention

with dire football a dour manager and calamity hiding around each corner it has come to no surprise to many that aston villa has been put up for sale and many fans have been praying for a resolution and a wealthy owner. it seems that the prayer was heard and the message relayed to the pope who has seized the opportunity to both move some tainted cash out of the vatican bank to resolve a recent banking scandal which makes lloyds look like a minor pothole and to realise a life-long dream of owning a football club
.


his holiness seemed a little confused about which club he is going to be chairman off but due to papal infallibility we congratulate the holy father on becoming chairman of sunderland AFC (ish)


when asked what their spending power would look like a high Ranking Vatican Banker played coy we here at the vatican do all right with billions in the bank, in property art and bullion a lavish spending spree could be in the offing at the midlands club however the bank warned that it would not be liquidating any assets to fund its spending spree arguing it would be difficult to liquidate St peters Basilica to fund a move for Ronaldo although an equity release deal has been mooted.


it has been leaked by one nun working in the vatican a very rewarding bonus scheme will be offered to the new recruits including canonisation should the players achieve footballing immortality by winning a major competition, the lure of both big contracts and spiritual salvation could make Aston Villa a big draw for many of football's elite

Perks include

Indulgences for sins committed
eternity in paradise
A high position within the church upon retirement
free use of the Castel Gandolfo

with a top package like this who can refuse?




is the pope tapping up messi to join his new spiritual galactico’s

in related news villa park has been made a cathedral by the new pope making true what so many fans have said in the past that “football is my religion and villa park is my church” this has been argued by some parts of the media to be a tax scheme but fathers ted and dougal said it was part of the catholics church outreach programme to bring the values of the catholic church to the younger generations. This move creates a unique opportunity for the Manager of the club as he will take control of the new bishopric as well as the prospect of becoming a cardinal if the manager exceeds the expectations for his new masters, temporal and spiritual

furthermore protestant manager Paul lambert has stormed out of the club citing religious persecution however after greeting three men at his home mr lambert has gone missing



when questioned by the police these gentlemen said that they had failed to meet with mr lambert as they were not expected and mr lambert was not at home when they called

A club spokesman said they hope mr lambert is found soon and that they hope to announce a new manager soon. it is believed the new manager, bishop and cardinal elect will be presented in the coming days in an elaborate ceremony and will be given considerable funds to revamp a tired and under strength team.



“how wide do you want the net” the pope already is in fine voice getting ready to welcome fernando torres to villa park cathedral
(im aware this is the last pope)



Benteke is not best pleased about the new uniforms the pope has proposed modeled here by a member of the swiss guard.

West Ham United: Boobs To Boots


In what can only be described as a dream from a porn movie, American glamour celebrity Kim Kardashian has today purchased all of the shares of English football club West Ham United for an impressive £69.69M fee. The club's value had recently plummeted as sex tapes involving star striker Andy Carroll and Queen Elizabeth had emerged. The Queen was quoted as to saying: "I like myself a big boy and Andrew does not fail to satisfy!"

With the club's reputation, and Carroll's sex life, tarnished, stock value had dropped within minutes of the news reaching the screens of the millions of television viewers world-wide. Club owner David Gold had put the club up for sale just yesterday, not expecting much interest in the English sports franchise. However, his most feared sexual fantasy may have lead to the creation of many special sexual fantasies for the Hammers as Kim Kardashian pledged herself as a true West Ham fan and saved the club from demise.

The figure-head of American family-drama and the idol of many young, slutty females was more than pleased to purchase the club and she looks forward to the challenges ahead:
"I absolutely love West Ham, they're my favourite soccer team ever! I love all ball games and I think that this could be please me. I'm gonna spend lots of money on cool players like Fernando Torres and Emile Heskey and I'm gonna have sex with whoever scores the most goals for my team! Go West Ham!"

As you could imagine, there were several strikers asking to join London's new attraction, and I don't just mean Kim Kardashian!

Unknown Billionaire Acquires Queens Park Rangers


http://cdn2.thegloss.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/leonardo-dicpario-jay-gatsby.jpg

American magnate Jay Gatsby joins the bizarre club takeover spree as he purchases the London based club.

The Queens Park Rangers franchise has been bought in its entirety by mysterious businessman Jay Gatsby. The club's mayor shareholders, Tony Fernandes and the Mittal family, have officially confirmed the purchase of 100% of the club's shares by Gatsby. The amount translates to around 80 million english sterling pound, according to sources.

http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01494/harry_redknapp_1494143c.jpg

Will Harry stay?

Following the club's promotion to the Premier League, Harry Redknapp's job seemed to be secure, but the takeover might bring changes in and off the pitch, as Queens Park Rangers prepare for the new season ahead.

Dealers Delight


After weeks of speculation, Crystal Palace Football Club have finally unveiled the new owners of the London club as Darren Devonshire, also known as 'Devvo'. Yes, the once youtube chav sensation has finally put the Palace fans out of their misery as he managed to strike a deal with former chairman Jeremy Hosking who took the offer of five cans of larger, and a gram of weed for his club.

The deal seems to have come about from a message on the popular messaging app 'BBM'. It's thought that Mr. Devonshire asked if there were "Any clubs for sale knocking about" over a broadcast message and his good friend Curious George replied, offering him an interview with Hosking.

It took a while for the pair to come to a deal, Devonshire was initially offering just the four cans of lager, and didn't want to raise his offer any higher, but Hoskings got just what he wanted in an extra can.

Mr. Devonshire spoke to BBC Sport in what was quite an odd interview, here's what the Northerner had to say when asked about his plans for his new club.

Reporter: So Darren, what are your intentions, now that you've officially bought Crystal Palace?

Devvo: Well, I was thinking about fu**ing some birds and that tonight, my go on the lash as well I think. No parties fun without a bit 'o' booze.

Reporter: No, Darren...With the club.

Devvo Oh right! Sorry, I thought you meant in general. Right, well, I've never really been a big fan of football. I know all the rules but it's just never been my thing. I never could understand that offside rule but I think of got it now. You know? The one where if you pass to your defender, the other team gets a freekick.

I get it now, I've been learning. But anyway, I think my next few plans are just to get minted really, scam the club of any money they have really then leave.

Reporter: Ur...You're not serious?

Devvo: Course I'm not di**head. I ain't leaving!

Reporter: Well...Ur...Thanks for your time Darren.

Devvo: Yeah alright mate.

So, a nervy time for Crystal Palace. Can Darren Devonshire take his new club to glory or will he stand by his word and skin the club of all it's money? Only time will tell, we'll get the first idea of what he'll be like when the transfer window opens. Stay tuned, crazy business expected...

Note: Transfer Window closes on 10 August(Sunday) 7AM UK time.

Transfer Activity So Far


Arsenal

Aston Villa

Burnley
Artur Boruc - Free from Southampton

Chelsea

Crystal Palace
Bryan Oviedo - £7.5m From Everton
Enner Valencia - £8m + Jason Puncheon From West Ham
Jon Flanagon + Fabio Borini - £12m From Liverpool
Modibo Diakite - £7m From Sunderland
Guy Demel - Free From West Ham
Diego Poyet - Free From West Ham

Everton
Jack Rodwell - Free From Man City
Alvaro Negredo - £24m From Man City

Hull
Winston Reid - £12m+Andy Robinson From West Ham

Leicester

IN:
Micah Richards - £13.5m From Man City
Matt Jarvis - £10m From West Ham
Steven Naismith - £9m From Everton
Gabby Agbonlahor - £8m From Aston Villa
Joe Ledley - £6m - From Crystal Palace
James Tomkins - £5.5m From West Ham
Steven Pienaar - £5m From Everton
Leon Osman - £4m From Everton
Kolo Toure - £2m From Liverpool
Maiga - £1m From West Ham
Nick Powell - Loan from Manchester United
Wilfried Zaha - Loan from Manchester United
John Guidetti - Loan from Man city
Karim Rekik - Loan from Man city


Liverpool

Man City
James McCarthy - Free From Everton
Dejan Lovren - £17m From Southampton
Jonny Evans - £21m From Manchester United
Oscar - £55m From Chelsea

Man Utd

Newcastle

Q.P.R

Southampton
Ashley Young - £15m From Man Utd
Steven Caulker - £13m From QPR
Ashley Williams - £8m + Maya Yoshida From Swansea
Jesus Navas + Samir Nasri - £60m From Man City

Stoke

Sunderland
Antolin Alcaraz - £1m From Everton
Racardo Vaz Te - £1m From West Ham
David Silva - £51m From Man City
Aleksander Kolorov - £15m From Man City
Scott Sinclair - £4.5m From Man City
Joey O'Brian - £3m From West Ham

Swansea
Maya Yoshida - £8m + Ashley Williams From Southampton

Tottenham

West Brom

West Ham
Andy Robinson + £12m From Hull
Ron Vlaar - £9m From Aston Villa
Jason Puncheon - £8m + Enner Valencia From Crystal Palace
Joel Ward - £3.5m From Crystal Palace



It has been a very busy window so far with some eye catching deals. Man City and Sunderland with some great deals.
Oh, Everton have also signed Wickham for £1m. Must've forgotten to PM that.
Justice's avatar Group Justice
5 yearsEdited
2014-08-09 13:47#188853 AlexTHFC : Oh, Everton have also signed Wickham for £1m. Must've forgotten to PM that.
I doubt he's finished filling it all in, as I (West Ham) made like 10+ more signings lol

btw, I got Puncheon + 8M in exchange for Valencia, I didn't pay the 8M.

And it was also Robertson I signed

New chairman at the Bridge

http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/02602/boris-johnson_2602353b.jpg

Big news has fallen onto Stamford Bridge, as Chelsea FC announce a new chairman at he helm of their prestigious club. Former chairman, Bruce Buck has left the club after he handed in his resignation note this morning, which stated that he would be looking to spend more time with his family and with his two pet hens, named Frank and Terry. While Buck enjoyed a very successful spell with the club, his last season ended in disappointment, as Chelsea failed to win a single trophy.

His replacement will be none other than the Mayor of London, Boris Johnson. Boris, who recently told the media he was looking for a place in the House of Commons, is seen by many as a total outside choice for the role, with no experience in the sport. Lots of fans have welcomed the move whole heartedly, with one fan, a Mr. Bob Bobbobobsky summing up the mood with the phrase, 'I like him, he's got a funny face.'

In his first media appearance since the decision to take on this new responsibility, Boris talked about his plans for the club.

'The club is good, and has lots of players. Some of them even play football. I think we can win the Super Bowl, if we try really hard. I've talked to Roman, and he agrees with me, or at least I think so. I couldn't understand his accent. His Chinese accent was really confusing me. Anyway, I hope our team, led by Meowinho can lead us to victory, and that Hazder guy looks awesome. That is all, bye.'

He has already shown his intent to make the club more self sustainable, by selling two of Chelsea's star, in the shape of World Cup winning winger Andre Schurrle, who has left for West Ham for a fee of 18M, while attacking midfield wonderkid Oscar has left for title rivals Manchester City for around the 55M mark. Reports suggest these departures as well as the original budget set by the club, leaves them with 113M left to spend on filling the gaps left. While lots of rumours have been flying around, no concrete bids have yet to be made.

Take a look at Everton's domestic business.

Under new chairman Del "Chicken" Taco, Everton have made some outstanding(ly terrible) deals within these few days, signing and selling players to fellow Premier League clubs, and spending a total of £39.8 million on players joining the club, but gaining £47.2 million with sales of both key players and those surplus to requirements, so it seems like Taco will be looking to bag players from leagues such as Serie A, La Liga and Bundesliga.

The first sale of Everton's transfer window was the one of formerly new signing Muhamed Besic, who left Goodison Park, which is reportedly being renamed to Taco Bell, for Newcastle United for a slightly small fee of £4.2m. Besic was reportedly deemed as "not good enough" for the direction Taco was going in.

Following Besic out of the door is a shocking one in centre back John Stones, who made a name for himself last season. The Englishman leaves Everton for West Ham United, who have paid £14.5m for the striker's services. Taco claimed that he wouldn't be selling Stones this summer, but the sum of money offered must've been too good to refuse.

Also leaving for West Ham is 30 year-old striker Arouna Kone, who Taco had put on the transfer list as one of the first things he did as chairman. Kone leaves for a fee of £2m, and Everton fans will without a doubt be delighted about this sale, as it means some better players will probably be coming in to replace him.

Then, there are three players who depart for Leicester City, the first of these being Steven Naismith, who is apparently having an affair with the new Leicester chairman. Naismith leaves Goodison Park for a fee of £9m, not bad for a player Taco had deemed "sell-able".

The next player to leave for Leicester is club veteran Leon Osman, who left the club after a row with chairman Taco. Everton have been paid £4m to send the midfielder off to Leicester, while the sale of Steven Pienaar to the same club gains them £5m.


Three more sales for Everton, the first of these being left back Bryan Oviedo, the Costa Rican departing Goodison Park in a £7.5m move to Crystal Palace. Fans are surprised at the amount of money they managed to get for Oviedo, 24, since they were expecting a move to Bayer Leverkusen for around £4m.

The penultimate departure is James McCarthy, who joins Manchester City in a part exchange deal (to be mentioned later). McCarthy, 23, wasn't going to leave Everton this summer, according to Taco, but the player in exchange was seen to be the better midfielder.

Oh, Antolin Alcaraz left for Sunderland for £1m. Yeah.

Meanwhile, Southampton proved that they are a selling club as they let duo Dusan Tadic and Jose Fonte leave St Mary's in a move to the Toffees, Tadic joining for £13m and Fonte joining for just £1.8m, a bargain considering the season the Spanish centre back has just had.

Also, Everton may have picked up a coup in Sunderland's wonderkid striker Connor Wickham, who joins the club for £1m, possibly a part exchange deal for the utterly useless Antolin Alcaraz, who went the same way for the same amount of money.


Finally, two players join from Manchester City, one in the previously mentioned part exchange deal, and the other for a huge fee of £24m. Former Everton midfielder Jack Rodwell arrives in a swap for James McCarthy, while striker Alvaro Negredo joins for the large fee.
Great GFX Alexis!
No1VillaFan's avatar Group No1VillaFan
5 yearsEdited
[color=#73D216][/color]

Transfer Window Shuts! Who Bought Who?


INS/OUTS

Arsenal
Jordi Alba - £25m
Javi Martinez - £21m
Christian Maggio - £4m

Aston Villa
Kondigbia - £4.9m
Andre Ayew - Marseille ~ £8.25M
Alessio Cerci - Torino ~ £10.75M
Sadio Mane - Red Bull Salzburg ~ £3m
Lee Chung Yong - Bolton ~ £6m
Liam Trotter - Milwall ~ £4.1m

Burnley
Artur Boruc - Free from Southampton
Jussi Jaaskelinen - Free From West Ham
Abdul Razak - Free From West Ham
Marco Reus - £40m
Luka Modric - £35m
Sergio Ramos - £35m
Mats Hummels - £25m
Jordan Rhodes - £10m

Chelsea
Edinson Cavani ~ £47m
Raphael Varane ~ £19.75m
Isco ~ £30m

Crystal Palace
Bryan Oviedo - £7.5m From Everton
Enner Valencia - £8m + Jason Puncheon From West Ham
Jon Flanagon + Fabio Borini - £12m From Liverpool
Modibo Diakite - £7m From Sunderland
Guy Demel - Free From West Ham
Diego Poyet - Free From West Ham
Ivan Rakitic - £19M
Shaqiri - £20.25M
Riccardo Fiamozzi - £1.3M
Koen Casteels - £3.1M
Battocchio - £3.1M

Everton
Jack Rodwell - Free From Man City
Alvaro Negredo - £24m From Man City
Jose Fonte - £1.8m From Southampton
Dusan Tadic - £13m From Southampton
Salvatore Sirigu - £7.5m
Juanfran(atletic) - £8m
Miralem Pjanic(roma) - £15m
Koke(atletico) - £20m

Hull
Winston Reid - £12m+Andy Robinson From West Ham
Lionel Messi - £82.1m

Leicester

IN:
Micah Richards - £13.5m From Man City
Matt Jarvis - £10m From West Ham
Steven Naismith - £9m From Everton
Gabby Agbonlahor - £8m From Aston Villa
Claudio Yacob - £7m From West Brom
Joe Ledley - £6m - From Crystal Palace
James Tomkins - £5.5m From West Ham
Steven Pienaar - £5m From Everton
Leon Osman - £4m From Everton
Kolo Toure - £2m From Liverpool
Maiga - £1m From West Ham
Nick Powell - Loan from Manchester United
Wilfried Zaha - Loan from Manchester United
John Guidetti - Loan from Man city
Karim Rekik - Loan from Man city
Antonio Candreva - £17.75m
Jackson Martinez - £16m
Ivan Perisic - £9.5m
Nathan Redmond - £8.5m
Elliott Bennett - £5m
Bryan Ruiz - £7m

Liverpool
Eliaquim Mangala - £15m
Keylor Navas - £8m
James Rodriguez - £30m
Victor Wanyama - £9m + Lucas Leiva From Southampton
Lloyd Isgrove - £2.5m From Southampton

Man City
James McCarthy - Free From Everton
Dejan Lovren - £17m From Southampton
Jonny Evans - £21m From Manchester United
Oscar - £55m From Chelsea
Wilfried Bony - £16m From Swansea
Kevin Strootman - AS ROMA ~ 21M(base fee 17m)
Paul Pogba - JUVENTUS ~ 20.1M(base fee 14m)
Neymar - FC BARCELONA ~ 45M(base fee 36m)
David Alaba - FC BAYERN MUNCHEN ~ 30.1M(base fee 13.75m)
Mario Gotze - FC BAYERN MUNCHEN ~ 32.5M(base fee 26.5m)
John Ruddy - NORWICH CITY ~ 6.5M(base fee 4.7m)
Mats Moller Daelhi - CARDIFF CITY ~ 1.75M(base fee 750K)
Jamaal Lascelles - NOTTINGHAM FOREST ~ 3M(base fee 1.9m)
Lucas Piazon - £5.25m From Chelsea
Erik Lamela - £10m Loan Fee for 1 season with £30m Future Fee From Tottenham
Nani - £4m loan Fee for 1 year with £13m future fee From Man Utd

Man Utd
Benedikt Howedes (£20m)
Mehdi Benatia (£15m)
Nemanja Vidic (£15m)
Guilherme Siqueira (£15m)
Mario Balotelli (£20m)

Newcastle
Johannes Geis (Mainz)- 5.25 million
Nicola Murru (Cagliari)- 2.5 million
Alfred Finbogosson (Real Sociedad)- 5.1 million
Luciano Vietto (Racing)- 3.5 million
Muhamed Besic - £4.2m From Everton

Q.P.R
Liam Moore + Matty James - £8m From Leicester
Jannik Vestergaard – £4.4M
Lars Bender - £15.25M
Kwadwo Asamoah - £19M
Timo Werner - £7M
Matthias Ginter - £8M
Sam Byram - £3.1M
Gary Medel - £13.25M

Southampton
Ashley Young - £15m From Man Utd
Steven Caulker - £13m From QPR
Ashley Williams - £8m + Maya Yoshida From Swansea
Jesus Navas + Samir Nasri - £60m From Man City
Stewart Downing - £12m + Jay Rodriguez From West Ham
Andy Carroll - £6m From West Ham
Armand Traore - £2.2m From QPR
Martin Kelly - £5m From Liverpool
Pepe Reina - £11m From Liverpool
Lucas Leiva - £9m + Victor Wanyama From Liverpool
Armand Traore - £2.2m From Q.P.R

Stoke

Sunderland
Antolin Alcaraz - £1m From Everton
Racardo Vaz Te - £1m From West Ham
David Silva - £51m From Man City
Aleksander Kolorov - £15m From Man City
Scott Sinclair - £4.5m From Man City
Joey O'Brian - £3m From West Ham
Neven Subotic for 10.25 Million. (BORUSSIA DORTMUND)
Andrea Pirlo for 3.8 Million. (JUVENTUS)
Oscar Cardozo for 6 Million. (SLB)

Swansea
Maya Yoshida - £8m + Ashley Williams From Southampton
Mauro Zarate - £16.6m From West Ham
Juan Fernando Quinter - FC Porto - £5m

Tottenham
Carlos Fierro - £6M
Angel Di Maria - £31M

West Brom
Ulloa - £3m From Leicester
Doria - Botafogo - £13m
Fernando - £19m From Man City

West Ham
Andy Robinson + £12m From Hull
Ron Vlaar - £9m From Aston Villa
Jason Puncheon - £8m + Enner Valencia From Crystal Palace
Joel Ward - £3.5m From Crystal Palace
Jay Rodriguez - £12m + Stewart Downing From Southampton
Morgan Sneiderlin - £13m From Southampton
Demichelis - £1.5m From Man City
Anthony Knockeart - £8.5m From Leicester
Arouna Kone - £2m From Everton
Jordan Henderson - £16.5m From Liverpool
Suso - £5m From West Ham
Willy Caballero - £4m From Man City
Andre Schurrle - £18m From Chelsea
Angelo Henriquez - £5.5m From Man Utd
Robert Lewandowski - Bayern Munich ~ £32.5M
Kevin de Bruyne - Wolfsburg ~ £14.6M


The Stand Out deals are

Messi for £82.1m to HULL
Henderson for £16.5m to WEST HAM
Balotelli for £20m to MAN UTD
Rhodes for £10m to BURNLEY
Justice's avatar Group Justice
5 yearsEdited

Building The Team


International super-star Kim Kardashian has made huge strides in the transfer market since purchasing English football franchise West Ham United by seeing no less than 29 players either join or leave the Hammers. Here is a round-up of the world's hottest celebrity's dealings:
Departures:
James Tomkins - £5.5M
Matt Jarvis - £10M
Winston Reid - £12M + Andrew Robertson
Enner Valencia - £8M + Jason Puncheon
Jussi Jääskeläinen - Free
Abdul Razak - Free
Joey O'Brien - Free
Stewart Downing - Part-Exchange
Modibo Maïga - £1M
Guy Demel - Free
Diego Poyet - Free
Andy Carroll - £6M
Ricardo Vaz Tê - £1M
Mauro Zárate - £16.6M
Total Fee Received: £63.1M

Arrivals


Part-Exchange Deals:
Andrew Robertson + £12M - Winston Reid
Jason Puncheon + £8M - Enner Valencia
Jay Rodriguez - £12M + Stewart Downing



After spending a total of £160.1M, West Ham had a total of £3M left in the bank for a replacement for Sam Allardyce. With many managers linked, it is all a big rumour as to who could replace Big Sam at West Ham. One thing is for certain; the next Hammers manager has a great team work with.

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