FC Groningen - Regencity

An amazing story so far Mike!! oh and come on let me ski! I won't hit a tree again (or I'll try to avoid it)!

Looking through the window of the teambus, on the way back of Match no 100, I began thinking, what a great start I had, and that I was reaching 100 matches in management. Ofcourse it had to be in the cupmatch against an amateur, they wanted goals on my landmark. Of course we won, and scored 6 in the progress. Someone taps on my shoulder, and I see Ronnie Briggs. "hey boss, can we have a talk about some of our Dutchies?"

"Off course, tell me what is it.". "Well," started Ronnie, "They want to thank you for playing them, and I heared they got a call up for Netherlands U21." "Nice, those 3 kids will get there. Im happy to have those 3 in our youthsystem, thanks to you. its beautiful that they can rotate on midfield, so players can become crazy because no-one can mark them." We both knew that those kinds were the most promising upcoming Dutchies, and I needed them for winning the CL, with some they can boss the midfield by then.

we reach de Euroborg again, and we all get off. as I walk towards my car, I hear something. A sound like a 2m 125kg giant is running towards me just around the corner. And there the most eyedestroying moment of my career. A man, wearing only a yellow speedo, on a kangeroo, is staring me in the face. "Oi cunt, I told you we would meet again."

"Oi cunt, I told you we would meet again.", Said Mister Aussie. "And I brought some friends." 2 ugly looking guys stepped around the corner, with a youngster in between them. "what the hell are you doing here?" I said baffled, I didnt expect to see this guy in a few days. Then a black SUV pops up. Alex Anders and 2 guys step out: "Needs some help buddy?" "Alex, can you take this kid inside, and give him whatever he wants, I have something to deal with, and your 2 brothers can help me." Darren Smith looks puzzled: "what the heck are you talking about?" I stepped forward, and deliver him a blow to the chin, having him stumble back. "You bloody anooying cunt, you will have it" And with that it started.

3 on 3, 2 special forces guys, vs 2 huge guys, who look like mineworkers, and me versus this Australian Asshole. "I told you, you would be screaming like a pig if you didnt do what I said, prepare to squeal" "well, make me" I said ready for this fight. He tried hitting a blow after blow, throwing me on the defence, waiting and oogling until he opened a gap. the navyguys each took care of the other 2 giants, 1 was already getting choked out, and the other was locked in an armbar just after seconds. Only I was having a hard time against this Aussie, who just kept trying to hit me. Until suddenly, a jar filled with jam broke millimeters away from us. He got distracted, and I saw my chance: "Dont." Kick to the knee, "You." Kick to high thigh. "EVER" blow to his liver. "Come" A right direct one to his solaar plexus, "Again" to finishit off with an uppercut-elbow straight to his chin. Darren Smith fell backwards, scrambled up and said, "this isnt the last you haave heard of me" The brothers of Balik release the 2 guys, one is feeling his neck and gasping for air, the other is feeling his shoulder. "I dont want you ever on this site again, is that understood?" where the last words, before they got in the car with the kangeroo, and I look up.

"Hey Alex, thanks for the distraction" Alex grinned from a window, with the kid besides him "Not a problem, but you should thank him," pointing towards the redhead kid. I laughed. "He didnt like them I guess? Give that kid a contract, he wouldnt be brought here if he wasnt good enough, and he deserves one now". Filled with adrenaline, all 3 of us went inside for some Whiskey, as we could use one. We would probably need a cab back home.

Introducing, the one, the only, the beast, the promise; TULLIO GRECO


Stats last season

All these regens... so amazing...

I was cruising with a small 160km/h on the A7, in my Auston Martin. Archer behind me in his Koenigsegg, coming back from Denmark, visiting his lovely little sister, and his 2 brothers. I gave them 2 crates of whiskey as a thank you, and now we were racing to be in time for training, as I heard that Alex had trouble with Balotelli, and that he became aggressive. We pushed our right foot, and hit it to a small 220km/h, and raced to the trainingsfield.

When we parked side by side, I heard Balotelli screaming: "What do yo mean, I aint in the next starting line-up? Im the best player here." Archer and me ran towards the field, and I yelled at Balotelli. "Mario! Here! NOW!". Archer stood beside me, and was sizing Balotelli up. He looked angry, and not up for aa reprimande. "Coach, why the fuck aint I in the next starting eleven next match. i am the best player here, the biggest star, and I deserve a place." Archer was done with it, and replied with a freezing calm voice: "either you step back in line, or we will make you." I was taken aback from the confidence he was showing. Mario, the black giant, vs a small coach. "well, you are the fucking assistant, not even good enough to lead anything, so fuck off." was Balotelli's response. Archer looked up to me, and I nodded. I was confident he would handle this, and I stepped inside tograb a coffee.

Inside I heard the voices become angrier and angrier, until I heard a load scream, followed by a terrible popping sound. I ran outside, where I saw Claire Fanny sitting by Balotelli, and archer was sitting on the bench with his whiskey. I asked Claire what happened. "Well," she started, "Balotelli was getting angry, Archer tried to be diplomatic, but when Balotelli tried a swing at him, Archer kicked his legs away under him, put his foot in a lock and broke his ankle, saying that if he wanted to play, he needed to wait until after his injury." I walked up towards Balotelli. "Still want to be in the starting line-up next weekend? I play if you can kick a ball with that feet" rolling a ball against his ankle.

Claire stepped in: "stop it, he wont pay the next 5 months, and whilst it was his own fault, he needs an aambulance now." I called Archer towards me "thanks for handling this, but you did this and you are going with him towards the Hospital. Keep me updated, and I expect that you bring back pizza for me."


Balotelli's status

Somebody needs to come in and kick Balotelli in the balls

Well, thatwas an eventful day at the training ground. Archer brought me my Pizza, and after finishing it, I decided to watch some NCIS:LA. halfway my second episode, I get a call from the hospital. "Some Ivorian guy is here, he speaks no Dutch, and he wants to enter the room with Balotelli." I heard on the other end of the line. "please wait, ill be there in 20." I stepped on my bike, and cycled to the hospital.

Once I get on the second floor, I see a man waiting and pacing outside balotelli's room. "Hey, Im François Le Teribble. Im from Ivory Coast, and I see you have a bit of a strikerpoblem at your hands. I know you have Diane already, but I'd like you to have 2 of my cousins at your disposaal, and Im willing to pay to get them at least training at your club." were the first things to come out of his mouth before I could say anything. I was quite stunned. How did everyone get close to me, when I wanted my own club. "well, who are you offering", was my reaction, decided I wanna look where this would go. "I have a goalie and a striker for you. Ill pay you 10.000 euro cash each match they play. They are called Ouattara, a name you will find easier to pronounce the more they play." I was surprised, no scamming, or abducting, or any wrong policy. just someone who wants them in my club, and is offering me money to play them without obligation to play them. "Well, I am ok with checking them out, but I need to test your willingness for them to come here., You know we are outside Balotelli's room?" He smiled, and said: "Offcourse, thats how I managed to speak to you, what do I need to do." I laughed, this guy was up for some banter. "I brought a bowlingball of 14 kg in my backpack for if you were some strage figure. I want you to drop it on the nuts of Balotelli, to show me you want those youngsters to my team."

I opened my backpack, and gave him the bowlingball. Without hesitation he entered Balotelli's room, and looked straight into Balotelli's eyes. "this may hurt a little, just relax" were the words spoken, before he smashed the bowlingball into Balotelli's privates. I laughed, and said "ill see those guys tomorrow afternoon. We have a deal."


The Ouattara brothers

Oh my god what an entrance

This story is so random and crazy it's unbelievable.

'No scamming' hahaha I love this story.

Im sitting at the corner of the businessclub. we just saw James Bond at the Wolff theater build in, and I was overthinking that we already had some crazy situations last year. The Aussie was a highlight of the year, as was going through in the Champions league poule. "Hey Mike, someone is here to meet you. He says he travelled from Italy to talk to you." Oh no, not this crap again, was my first thought. Walking towards the front of the businessclub, I see and impeccable dressed man, in a Gucci suit, with a thin moustache, like the one from the father of the Adams Family.

"Buona sera, signore, Im Mario Casanova, and Im here on behalf of a cliënt of mine." These guys seem to pop up anywhere. When I started managing I would expect a few agents to come by, but not this much. "Casanova, huh, you know this is a private party, and the entryfee is 1000 Us Dollar, plus you need to outdrink a member of my staff." I said amused, as I felt like I could get this guy to leave. "I didnt know, but where can I put the money?" whilst getting a huge stack of 50's out of his pocket. Taken aback, but without backing out, I said, "Leave it under the bottles of sambuca. whoever finishes it first, can state his demands." We both set at one end of the table and grabbed the sambuca. After finishing half the bottle at once, my troat was burning, but I saw my Italian counterpart had just as much trouble drinking as fast as I. With a load burp, I asked him what he was doing here. "Well *hips*, I saw Balotelli being a prick *hips*, and I wanted you *hips* to know that I *hips* have a nice youngster for *hips* you to replace *hips* him". I saw he getting more drunk by the second, and I replied. "Well, finish that bottle of sambuca now, or we dont have a deal." He took the bottle, put it to his lips, drank it away, and fell down backwards, unconcious.

"Claire, can you lay him inthe physioroom, with a note that he can bring his talent?" I said, quite intoxicated myself. walking to the bar to get some burgers and some water, I saw the Italian getting dragged away. "At least he is a man willing to do whatever it takes" I mumbled under my breath. I finished my water, called a cabby, and said goodnight. I had enough for one evening.

Introducing Farella, the 193 PA striker regen.

You must be dealing with the mob or something man

3 AM, Im lying deep alseep in bed. Bzzz, bzzz. Bzzz, bzz I woke u, and saw my telephone buzzing. I checked it, and I saw 17 missed calls, from Archer and Fanny. I called Fanny back. "Jow Claire, what is wrong that you need me in the middle of the night?" I said with a voice which closely resembled a zombie with the flu. "Finally you are picking up the phone" Said a clearly pissed off Claire. "That funny trick you did yesterday evening, with that Italian? Well he is in the hospital now, and they are pumping his stomaah because he had alcoholpoisening. I already linked you up with some American Hotshot lawyer who made millions with the OJ Simpson case, You'll be here in 30 minutes or im gonna get relly pissed."

Well, that was a rude awakening to say the least. He clearly wanted to do whatever it takes to get that Italian talent in. I slipped into my trainig suit, and stepped into my Aston Martin, not caring about the speedlimit, aand drove to the UMCG. In front of the hospital was Archer, welcoming me. "room 712, floor 6. you'll have your wok cut out, ill park your car." Throwing him the key, I ran inside, and went to the room, where the guy was still unconcious. Claire saw me, and threw her umbrella at me "You stupid moron, See what you have done? Here is the Lawyer, you got business to discuss." A rather tall Americn, dressed in just a bill cosby sweater and some sweatpants, came forward. " Call me Jesse Donovan, Im here to represent you. Claire told me all that happened, and I want to go to bed. This my number, my fee is stalling 2 players at your club." I was baffled "what, whut, how, why?". He looked me dead in the eye "Im the best in business, and you better take the offer if you want to stay at FC Groningen." with that he walked away.

I sat down, picking up the umbrella of Claire, and started thinking. h drank it himself, I didnt force him. And 2 new players? I dont ven have spotsleft. Well, Ill see them tomorrow. And with that I fell asleep on the chair.

Introducing Seitz and Bishop!

Incredible way to introduce a couple of players

I woke up in a bed with no recollection of where I was. Looking around me, it certainly wasnt the hospital. From the half open door I heard some sissling and the sound of a coffee machine running. I saw my tracksuit lying besides the bed, and I stood up and dressed myself, before entering the hallway. And I was stunned to see what a beautiful specimen of a female body was appearing in front of me. Legs which didnt seem to end, an ass to kill for, and at least a D-cup up front. Best of all, she was only wearing a nighty, which came halfway her knees. She saw me getting out of the room, and said: "Ah, you're finally awake, I made some eggs and bacon, coffee is running, get settled in the couch."

I sat down, and she brought me my breakfast. before taking a bite, I asked her "Who are you, and where am I?" A shy smile came on her face when she said "I'm Svetlana Böhm, and was in the hospital to visit my nephew who was lying there with foodpoisening. Some guy named Archer was sitting besides you, and wanted to go home, and saw me, and asked if I could take a few hours watch for 2000 euro. I decided that for 2000 euro you deserved a better bed and a breakfast too." I calmly ate my breakfast, and looked at her. She was a catch, but I was surprised to see an eastern European beauty here. "What are you doing here in the Netherlands?" "Ah, me and my nephew where on holiday, and we got this apartment due to my uncle, or his father, to celebrate his 16th birthday and the possible signing of him with Sparta Prague." she said calmly. "He plays football?", I was a tad surprised, but wanted to know more, a 16y old for Sparta Prague, that must be a talent. "You know what, I buy you dinner, Im giving him a contract, and you 2 stay here"

Her face lit up "Well thank you" She dartled up, and went to a bedroom. After I finished my coffee, she was back in a beautiful dress. "Im going to visit my nephew, he will be awake too." I stood up hastily "Well, lets make a stop at my place, I want to get back in my suit, a lady like you deserves to be around someone in some better clothes than this tracksuit Im wearing."

Introducing the Czech wonderkid, Martin Böhm