Hmmmmm i'm gonna guess....Shakhtar Donetsk? Worth a shot, no?
1
As I proceeded to pack my things & make my way to the airport, Viktor, true to his word, sent me through the details of my possible new employers.
It seems I was on my way to China to interview for the vacant Tianjin TEDA position. No wonder he had been so secretive, I specifically remember asking for top flight EUROPEAN football! Never mind, as he said, it was a fantastic opportunity & a chance to work with a much higher calibre of player then it seemed Europe would offer me.
As I boarded the plane, I hatched what I thought would be a fantastic plan that would give me the edge over any other foreign managers that may apply. I would spend the lengthy journey learning a phrase in Chinese. That would show the board I was serious.
I scrambled around on my tablet to find a Russian to Chinese translator & finally settled on the phrase: It’s a pleasure to be here, believing that their first words would be to welcome me to the club. No doubt I annoyed the hell out of the couple sitting next to me, but by the time we touched down in Tianjin, I felt I had the phrase down pat & made my way to the interview via the car the club had sent for me.
As I entered the boardroom I was confronted by 3 very well dressed Chinese businessmen & a translator named Yun Ming, who was quick to introduce himself. I shook hands with the 3 businessmen & took a seat as they gestured for me to do so.
“Welcome to Tianjin” The first man started & Yun began to translate. “Thank you for agreeing to meet with us.”
Yun ming waited for my response but with all the confidence I could muster, I gave a small signal for Yun not to bother & unleashed my secret weapon.
“你的骡子给我带来了许多快乐”I blurted & waited for the inevitable looks of astonishment..
Instead, the room fell silent & the 3 men looked confused. I glanced sideways at Yun, who was trying his best to hide a rye smile.
“What did I just say?” I asked Yun, leaning in, in an attempt to keep the conversation private.
“You told them that their mule brings you great pleasure.” He chuckled.
I laughed, quite loudly in fact, & to their credit, the 3 men joined in.
“OK, that didn’t go so well. I think I’ll stick with the translator from now on” I giggled & gestured for Yun to translate. “It’s a pleasure to be here” I continued, sure my face was as red as a tomato.
“I think that is for the best” The first man continued. “though we appreciate the thought.”
The rest of the interview continued in familiar fashion with the board members explaining to me that their previous manager had been relieved of his duties after a poor run of form& that there were still a handful of games left in the season, so an appointment would have to be made promptly in order to salvage any chance of continental football.
Concerns were also raised over my obvious lack of fluency with the native tongue, though my early attempts to learn the dialect had at least shown them I was serious about improving myself in that regard.
Finally, the men explained that no decisions would be made concerning budgets until the season had concluded & they knew where they stood. An understandable stance.
In all, I thought I recovered well after my early gaff & once again shook hands with the 3 men before thanking Yun for his help & heading towards the door.
“How soon can you start?” A voice spoke & was swiftly translated by Yun.
“Just point me to my office” I countered & with that, the deal was done. I was now manager of Chinese Super League side Tianjin TEDA.
