AC Milan vs. Inter Milan
Bono: Welcome, viewers, to the San Siro, where today two of the biggest teams in Italy square off for pride and 3 points in the Derby della Madonnina: Inter vs. AC Milan. I'm here alongside Akash Vi... Vid... Vish... my pal Akash to bring you the action!
Akash: It's a Beautiful Day
for football, don't you think Bono?
Bono: Aren't you original. Let's take a look at the starting lineups for both sides today.
Akash: A good side put out from both managers, clearly both teams are ready to risk life and limb to win today. This derby is perhaps the biggest in all of Italy, and it will be a hot-tempered clash. Great football will be on display, certainly better than you'd see Vauxhall Motors ever playing.
Bono: I swear to God Akash... But yes, it should be a cracking game. Looks like the sides are ready for the kick, and we're off!
8' Akash: Here comes Antonio Nocerino down the field for AC Milan. He chips it forward for Gaitan, nice header down to Pato, who's through on goal...
Bono: What a block by Juan! And follow up by Boateng...another block from Juan! The young Brazilian clears it off the line twice, as Handanovic was beaten!
Akash: Milan are finishing like Obi Anoruo and Leroy Lita out there, they need to step things up in front of goal and they'll have the lead.
Scuffling noises as Bono strikes Akash.
44' Bono: Forward comes Adryan for Inter, who've been penned back most of the half.
Akash: Long ball into Ademilson, who lays it down for Destro...WHAT A FINISH! DESTRO SCORES!
Bono: Wonderful play from Ademilson with his layoff, and a stunning strike from Destro to give Inter a 1-0 lead heading into the break!
Akash: Thank goodness it wasn't someone as terrible as Euan Smith in that position!
Sounds of a knife being drawn, multiple stabs.
Bono: That'll teach you to mess with Vauxhall!
HT' Tom Jones: We go now to myself, Tom Jones, and actor Ben Aflick to commentate on the remainder of the match due to the unfortuante death of Akash V... Vidas... Vidya... our dear friend Akash.
Ben Aflick: There are more important matters at hand here than Akash, Inter lead at the break 1-0 after a goal on the stroke of halftime! Milan have had the better of the game, and we may well see a comeback.
69' Tom: Robinho's got the ball out on the left, what a flop of a player.
Ben: Well he's done well here to beat Peruzzi, he's dribbled into the box..WHAT A GOAL! ROBINHO SCORES A MAGNIFICENT INDIVIDUAL GOAL!
Tom: He absolutely dribbled through all of Inter's defense and finished with aplomb! 1-1, game on!
89' Ben: It's Robinho out on the left once more, looking dangerous. He's caught Peruzzi out of position, and he's got space to work with.
Tom: Poli's covered quite some space to close him down, goes in for the tackle...ref's blown his whistle. Poli's got to be careful, he's already been booked...
Ben: And he's off! Second yellow! Well well well, could this be a late chance for Milan!
Tom: My dear, look at the replay! Poli's gotten the ball here, and Robinho has thrown himself to floor as if he's been stabbed like Akash! Torrid acting, but it's worked.
Ben: It's disgraceful to the game, it really is, but on we must go, Inter down to 10 men.
90+2' Tom: Well, I said he was a flop earlier, and he definitely has flopped today, but his overall play has been perfect, Robinho. Here he comes again, cutting in from that left hand side and bursting up the field.
Ben: Great sliding challenge from Emerson Luiz in the box...No! It's a penalty! My oh my, I'm almost certain the ref's got this one wrong! The Inter players are swarming the ref to protest, they can't believe it!
Tom: Let's look at the replay, and you were right Ben, the challenge was right on, and it was another dive from Robinho. I think even the AR's are shocked this one's been called, it was quite clear.
Ben: Up steps El Shaarawy to take the penalty for Milan, to win the Derby della Madonnina for the Rossoneri...HE SCORES! HE SENT HANDANOVIC THE WRONG WAY! MILAN 2-1 INTER!
FT' Ben: And it's all over here! Milan win 2-1 with a late, late penalty from El Sharaawy the winner in a classic derby match! Your man of the match, Tom?
Tom: Well, we've got two choices today, the referee or Robinho. Robinho for his excellent play but honestly more so for his play-acting which won a red card and a penalty, or the referee for being so poor as to fall for that play-acting.
Robinho: Footballer or Diver?