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We saw Alex again on the way home. She was with another woman.
"Hello, Alex!" Seni said, "Who's this, then?" He pointed at the other woman.
"My name is Suzanna Boil," she said proudly.
All of us started laughing.
"Susan Boyle? Really?" I asked, tears of laughter pouring down my face.
"Yes," she said.
"So, what are you up to, then?" Asked Johnny.
"We're going to bomb Kansas because someone killed our friend, John Kerr."
"Oh, that's terrible!"
"I know!"
Just then, three policemen jumped out of the bushes.
"Stop in the name of the law!" One of them said.
"Who the bloody hell are you?" I asked.
"My name is officer Burlington Bertie!" He said.
"I am officer Milton Keynes!" Another one said.
We began to giggle.
"And I am officer Accrington Stanley!" The third one said.
We began to laugh even harder.
Another policeman jumped out of the bushes. He was a slim, tall Rastafarian.
"Sorry I'm late, I had to check the Bury score!" He said, "Now, you two criminals, you're nicked!"
He sprayed Alex and Suzanna in the face with CS spray before handcuffing them.
"This is Johnny Turbo, by the way," Accrington Stanley said.
"Hey, Johnny, what was the AFC Wimbledon score?" Milton Keynes asked.
"You're called Milton Keynes and you support AFC Wimbledon?" I asked.
"Yep," Milton said.
"What about Accrington Stanley?" Asked Accrington Stanley.
"Wimbledon lost 2-1 and Accrington Stanley won 6-2! Bury won 3-0!" Johnny Turbo said.
We had said all this whilst ignoring the screams of pain from Alex and Suzanna.

"Sorry I'm late, I had to check the Bury score!" - brilliant excuse! Suits perfectly to a cop! :d

We heard on the news a few days later that Suzanna Boil had gone over to America and did some suicide bombing. Unfortunately for her, she only killed one of her terrorist friends. It was the biggest fail ever.

Meanwhile, those four policemen decided that they wanted to stay with us after they had seen our criminal records. We were also moved south, from Tranmere to Peckham.
That very night, there was a riot.

"What the hell is going on here?" Said Zapdos.
"Ask that twat wearing the Nintendo shirt," replied Johnny, "he'll know."
We asked him. He introduced himself as Donkey Kong and explained that he got separated from his friends after coming to London from Tokyo. He said that he got hungry but Tesco wouldn't let him have free bananas. He threw a rock at a Metropolitan policeman. Accrington Stanley gave us permission to "beat the shit" out of Donkey Kong whilst he checked if the other policeman was alright.
We beat the shit out of Donkey Kong and stole his phone and bags of bananas. The policemen shared the bananas with us. All in all, it was a good night.

I got a banana!

2013-12-30 20:45#152056 TK69 : I got a banana!

Oh, you got more than one! There were 7 bunches! And you made Chunky Monkey ice cream with the rest that we didn't eat!

The Metropolitan policeman introduced himself Fu Kin No Wan. Once again, we started laughing.
There was also this Russian guy who looked like Zapdos. Rather curiously, his name was Zapsky. He approached an American tourist.
"Where you from?" Zapsky asked the tourist.
"K-Kansas..." the tourist replied.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Zapsky. He produced an empty vodka bottle and proceeded to smash it over the tourist's skull. He'd almost killed the poor bastard. We were given permission to beat Zapsky up as well. Johnny Turbo then sprayed Zapsky in the face with CS spray. He likes doing that.

Johnny has a lot of paperwork to do now that he's sprayed three people in the face with CS spray. Especially since one of them escaped to America and blew up a taxi. Zapsky, Donkey Kong and Alex are still here, and Fu Kin No Wan and Accrington Stanley have been torturing them by handcuffing them to a cell wall and farting inside the cell. Yep, we are weird people.

We went out into Peckham that night, and everyone was still rioting. Two people in particular caught our attention. They were both wearing masks. One of them was setting fire to a shop.
"You! Stop that now!" Shouted Burlington Bertie.
Johnny lifted up the CS spray again.
"No! Put it down, Johnny!" Yelled Milton Keynes, taking the CS spray from Johnny.
"Who are these two anyway? Can we beat 'em up?" Asked Seni.
"If they don't remove their masks, you can beat them up," said Accrington Stanley.
They removed their masks. We froze. One of them was Oussama Assaidi. The other one was Pauker.

Pauker's alter-ego dead!

Johnny Turbo killed Pauker's alter-ego by throwing a mixture of CS Spray and sodium hydroxide (well, it was Mr. Muscle containing sodium hydroxide) into his face. It worked slowly and very painfully.

Anyway, we drove back up to Tranmere a few hours after, and we have one more pre-season game; at home against Boreham Wood.

By the way, the main football story is that The Premier League has been abolished. The twenty member clubs have joined the Football League and re-formed Division One. This means that we are going to play in Division Two this season. Divisions Three & Four are also back.

Tranmere Rovers 7-0 Boreham Wood

Kits:

A fantastic performance again. The fixture list for Division 2 was released a while back; I just haven't checked it out yet.

great result against boreham wood but i'm not sure if they would allow a murderer to take charge of a football team

2014-01-12 20:10#154227 ARSENAL_ruleZ : great result against boreham wood but i'm not sure if they would allow a murderer to take charge of a football team

Shh! They don't know yet!

This just in!

My friends from Thurrock have moved to Hertfordshire and formed their own club, who are members of the Southern League: North Mymms Services FC! God knows why they are called that...

New Signings!

Yes, they're a bunch of has-beens. But here they are!

Paul Rideout

Stuart Barlow

Duncan Ferguson

Actually, Duncan isn't a has-been, but never mind.
We've got Southampton in the League Cup.