Dyke: It Was For Our Future
Greg Dyke Accepts Charges But Was Bullish In Admitting To Being In The Wrong
Ex-FA Chairman Greg Dyke spoke of his outrage to have been sentenced to court, despite having evidence against him for a conspiracy which saw the English national team suffer an early exit from this summer's World Cup in Brazil. The sixty-seven year old from Hayes, Middlesex, claimed his actions were for 'the greater good' and that England's football would only prosper in future competitions.
Greg Dyke: "Yes, I am responsible for contaminating our players' diets with the substance named Jetmirche123 and my intention was indeed to destroy their chances of qualifying beyond the group stages. My plan was to destroy their fitness and leave them jaded for each fixture. As you can see, the plan worked perfectly. Our national team was broken and feeble and demoralised as a result. We conceded goals far too easily and were knocked out without a chance.
Why did I plot this? It's simple; it was for our future. The stupid, clueless, idiotic, self-absorbed England fans that sit at home force us in to calling up players such as Raheem Sterling, Luke Shaw, Daniel Sturridge, Danny Welbeck and plenty of others, who have no real experience of being part of a winning team. How are we supposed to fucking win anything with kids who don't have any experience of it? We need players like Milner, Heskey and Crouch in the team; people who have experience of winning trophies. These guys have the right mentality, not these so called wonderkids who have no medals to their name."
When interrogated as to who else was involved, Greg Dyke revealed the ex-FA General Secretary Alex Horne as his partner in crime. The man-on-trial also labelled Joey Barton to be partially responsible as it was reported that Barton would be featuring in future English line-ups after the international retirement of former skipper Steven Gerrard.
Greg Dyke: "Alex Horne was my partner in all of this. We're not ashamed of what we did. It was for the country's best interests as far as we were concerned. Joey Barton can agree with you on that. He will most likely be seeing game time in future English line-ups because he is a tough midfielder. He is experienced and knows how to beat a man down. We needed to get rid of the show-boaters from our team. Old-fashioned, hard-working football is the way of the future. Just watch and learn. Anybody who thinks otherwise should go fuck themselves because they're deluded twats."
Greg Dyke's foul language also merited him an additional six months to the charge which he will receive for his actions. There will be more live court action tomorrow and be sure to keep updated by following our Twitter account and Tweet your opinions using #FAConspiracy.
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