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Killymoon Rangers: To Infinity And Beyond

Michael's Diary contains entertaining entries, funny and different from the average FM story, with a bold pinch of lampoon and perversion. Some of the entries are considered PG-18, so please be warned!
Started on 27 November 2012 by Michael
Latest Reply on 6 July 2014 by Justice
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Michael's avatar Group Michael
11 yearsEdited

The start


Jun 1st, 2011.

Dear Diary,

Another cold day here in Siberia. It is now 6 months, since the fatal fireworks-accident in Italy, where I killed Berlusconi, The Pope and a donkey called Nicky Minaj with a clusterbomb made of fireworks.
I'm still sad that my upcoming career of an AS Roma manager came to a stop, even before I won my first Serie A title. My running away was quick enough, and the police haven't found me yet. I'm not sure how the world reacted, I'm not reading any papers. I only read you, my dear Diary, because I have only you, here in my Iglo in Siberia.

I hope I get a letter from my uncle in Northern Ireland when Vladimir brings me my weekly supply of food. I asked him if he could look towards a job in football for me in his area, so I can get some money.

Speak to your soon, Diary.



Jun 14th, 2011

Dear Diary

Vladimir came 1 week late, due the blizzard that was raging through Siberia. Luckely I had some food stashed, and was I able to shoot a moose, so I had a new cloak, a bunch of food, and a new coathanger. Couldn't blame poor Vlad for not showing up, as the cold would have freezed his other ball off.

I was very happy with the letter I got: he found a job as a manager by Killymoon Rangers. He has given me 1000 euro's for the trip, which I should repay him when I've got the money.

I'm gonna take the first flight to Dublin, from there he will pick me up and I will meet the staff and the director.

Speak to you later, Diary.



June 19th, 2012

Dear Diary,

Damn, what a small club is Killymoon United. They want me to make sure the don't relegate this season, with a squad which is far from decent. I am gonna scout the local youth, because this seems nowhere. Sadly I don't have any wagebudget left, except those 3 silly Euro's where I will get my weekly hamburger from. They haven't heard of the word transferbudget, so I'm gonna have a shitty start.

With those 85 euro's a week I need another job, just to keep alive, so I'm currently running a simple mafia-site with a lot of commercials, so I keep alive.

Now diary, I won't talk to you the upcoming weeks, I need to get my team in order first, otherwise I won't have a job for much longer.


Glad you started this!
Nice start! FM12 Story too :0! Will be following mdlp.
Michael's avatar Group Michael
11 yearsEdited

Dairy Entry 2


Aug. 6th, 2011

Dear Diary

Damn, what an bunch of idiots I had to work with. When I said they needed to train, they asked me why they needed to go to the gym. breaking point was when I asked about what they knew about tactics, and someone said that those candies were nice. Needless to say, I let him run 5 rounds around the field, and said that he could pack his bag and leave forever. A few others were send away too.

So I asked a few old buddies if they knew a few players who were cheap. They had a lot of players who wanted to play, and I selected 15 which could train with me: 1GK, 1RB, 1LB, 2CD, 2DM, 4CM, 1CAM and 3 ST. We now have a very decent core, and with these 15 guys under 21 we should go far in this league.

The pre-season went well with our 3 self-made tactics on our narrow field. Our 4231, 41221 and 451 are made for this team it seems. With 1 loss, 2 draws and 3 wins we were very happy. We even won with 5-3 from MK Dons. You know, the city Linkin Park once did a concert and recorded it for their album.

Gonna speak to you soon, need to go now, I wouldn't want to miss my first league game.


Good luck with this story Michael, will be following :)

Diary Entry 3


Sept 21st. 2011

Dear Diary.

Damn, that were 6 quick weeks, they were over before I realised it. I really could see the players understanded my message, and are fighting for their place in the team. The few matches we had were nice, but it wasn't 12 points.

Look, I arrived early at the first match, and the first thing the captain said: I pick the team. First thing I did: stripped of his captaincy and banned to the second team. I will not tolerate such behavior. So, those first 2 matches in the league we went 1-0 behind, and both pulled level. Nice isn't that, my Dear Diary?

It get's even better: after the friendly again against MK Dons, we played in the 2nd round of the league cup. WE WON, Diary, we did it. Our first win. Of course I was proud after the 3-1 awaywin, so I made the boys clear that I was happy, and we went with our 20 guys to the subway for some sandwiches. The draw for the next round is hard, Current holder Glendoran is our hostess for the match, I dunno if we can handle them, Diary.

And Diary, we played a league match 3 days later: the first league win was there. We went 1-0 in front, but conceded. But my boys worked very hard, and in the last 5 minutes we scored 2. My new striker Besic proved he was worth a spot with the 2 goals!

See you soon Diary, need to go the the gym for some muscle training, and trying to grab the phone number of that smoking hot girl :)


I love how humorous this is :P
lolol im lovin the diary passages :) something different i must say :) will b following
reminds me castiel's way of writing. really really love this :)
probably the most witty story so far. im loving it.
2012-11-28 08:36#69519 afhp89 : probably the most witty story so far. im loving it.

THIS.

Diary Entry 4


Okt. 16th, 2011

Dear Diary,

Darn, what if told I you that you read the line wrong? Yeah Diary, even you make mistakes. Just like me. I signed a player, who had a global ban until the end of the season. Isn't that a big mistake, my dear Diary?

Yeah, and we had a few matches too. My strikers finally can find the goal. After the Batman movies, some NCIS episodes, and the latest Sherlock Holmes movie, they finally took up their magnifier and grew some balls, to first find the goal, and than shoot their balls.

The goalie went fishing too, and not only with his net. He tried to get cosy with the mayors daughter, but he didn't knew she was a he, and according to the old lady at the lake, did he scream harder than she ever heard in her life.

But yeah, Diary, we had a few pretty nice weeks. Sports & Leisure? Beer & Porn! My team is good, and wit was 2-4 them :P. Armagh came to visit me, My boys kicked them back into the bus. 3-2, and 1 second later they had 0 points :). Dundela was easy peasy. The match was 4-1 person: The mayors daughter. Needless to say he kept a clean sheet in our next match against Moyola Town. 4-0 win was nice.

We now even grabbed 1st place, my dear Diary. 1st place, I couldn't have dreamed about it. I gave the boys a day off, and went the night before to the bar. The goalie was alone with no girls, the strikers were pooling (and netting more balls), and the defenders were covering all the girls. A great night out, and I'm sure letting the team letting have some beers, if they win the next match.

But hey, Diary, speak to you later, Gonna have a Cupmatch coming up, and my brother made me lasagna.


Typically MDLP!! hahahahaha! :P

Diary entry 5


Nov. 5th, 2011

Dear Diary,

I speak to you a bit sooner than expected. We had a surprise visit today, just before our match: Emile Heskey came with his Peruvian Naked Dog which he had called Andrew. It was nice that he just showed up, on request of my brother. Looking at my Canadian goalie: he got afraid, because I saw him almost shitting himself when Heskey popped his eyes out.

But yeah, we had a few matches again. Besic was sick in front of goal, and we won 4 times in a row, my dear Diary. We won all our matches in the last 2 months, Diary, I think I finally got grip on this group. We even won 6 fucking 0 in the Cup, and kicked out the current holder. The opponent's manager was enraged when I grabbed his wife after the my out-of-the-blue line. She couldn't resist me when I said that the close wasn't the only thing from me which was great.

And yeah, After that we scored a lot: 15 goals in the last 3 matches, 3 managers wifes too. Seems like I'm taking the league 1 match at a time. And yeah, we are still first. After 9 matches we are 6 points away from the number 2. I promised the Mayers daughter a dildo as long as we have wins, so (s)he is gonna have some fun time.

Hey Diary, speak to you soon, I need to enrage the following manager!


"Dear Diary,

I speak to you a bit sooner than expected. We had a surprise visit today, just before our match: Emile Heskey came with his Peruvian Naked Dog which he had called Andrew. "

Best thing I ever read in FMScout! Keep up the work Michael :D
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