After "attaining" my coaching badges to the highest National Level I decided that I'd need to find a club pretty close by in order to minimise my movement as right now I think settling down in one place for a month or so would be good.
After surveying all my options I found a little club in Valencia, Venezuela that fit my criteria perfectly. Now all I had to do was impress the chairman and notify him of my managerial credentials - or the fake ones that I'd managed to get myself from a certain little friend.
Now I sat in the waiting room of the club's headquarters, only a small office. A man with tanned skin and a dark beard approached me. He called my name and gestured me into the office for the interview.
Kevin Mea Vitali (Chairman): Good afternoon, señor, I've received your application and it is quite impressive. Although you've never been a full head coach before I think your résumé is quite impressive. Is there any particular reason why, one, you're in Venezuela, and two, you wanted to manage us?
Me (Interviewee): Thank you. I am in Venezuela because I needed a change of scenery and I find it quite nice here. I applied for the job because one, it is in close proximity to where I live, it's a club with a fair amount of history but also one that needs that little spark to ignite it on to bigger things.
KVM: Interesting. It also adds here on your resumé that you speak fluent English, German, Spanish and French. You're also a qualified diver and attended Eton College amongst other fine educational institutions. That is quite an impressive past but what could you add on a football scale?
Me: I believe I've had enough playing and coaching experience, as well as many lectures on man management and leadership, to know enough about how to get a squad happy and playing for and with the team. I think that's beneficial if we are going to bring success here.
KVM: If brought in as the manager, we'd require you to lead the team to a safe, mid-table position this season with the aim of just slowly pushing ourselves back up the Venezuelan league structure. Do you think you can do that?
KVM: The staff setup here is already pretty good but if you feel the need to adjust it you have the right and any of the staff members will accept mutual terminations of their contracts. The only thing not at the club is a doctor, do you feel the need for one?
Me: A Dr? No. I shall cope fine without one. I don't think I'll need to rearrange too much but I'll have to assess them in a working environment first, if that is ok?
KVM: Great. If you were to get the manager's role at the club, you'd be paid a basic weekly salary of £525 a week. The transfer budget would stand at £50k and the wage budget at £2.5k. Do you believe you could perform as expected with these amounts?
Me: I do.
KVM: Is there anything else you'd like to add that you think I should know? As in what your goals are for the future, where you think you can take this club and any philosophies you have?
Me: I feel as if under me you have a determined, young manager who is adaptable and can lead this club to unexpected heights if given the time. I have no philosophies I wish to be judged on, however, as I feel the freedom of choice will be a good one for me.
The chairman nodded, smiling.
KVM: Consider the job yours, then, Señor - welcome to Hermandad Gallega Fútbol Club!