Euro 2020: Semi Final
: G'day cunts, I'm Jeremy Pauker, but you can call me Jesus. Welcome to Eurosport's live coverage of today's Euro 2020 Semi Final match between England and Belgium!
: And I'm Kane Brooker. Let's get the show on the road, bitches!
: Lolololol k
: The line-ups are in, let's take a look.
: Mignolet; Vanden Borre, Vertonghen, Boyata, D'Haene; Malanda, Nainggolan, Witsel; Mirallas, Hazard, Lukaku
: Hart; Kelly, Shawcross, Jones, Naughton; Chamberlain, Wilshere, Shelvey, Ince; Maddison, Sturridge
: Vanden Borre sounds like a twat!
: So does Kane Brooker!
: Yeah, I agr- wait what?
: Belgium have a very strong side today, with-
: Jeremy, why the fuck wouldn't you want to field a strong side for the Semi Finals of a European Championship?
: Moving on from the cunt beside me, Belgium have a very strong side today with players like Eden Hazard and their top goalscorer of the tournament so far Romelu Lukaku starting. Zenit playmaker Axel Witsel and Arsenal vice-captain Radja Nainggolan are two other key players for the Belgians today, as well as Jan Vertonghen and Dedryck Boyata, who play for Liverpool and Manchester United respectively. An interesting but unbeatable pair.
: England are also playing their best side with players like Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Jack Wilshere and Phil Jones on the pitch. Martin Kelly also makes his first start for England in the tournament today, ahead of Kyle Walker and Duncan Romeo.
: Up front for England is Daniel Sturridge and Colin Maddison, what do you think about that, Kane?
: What can I think?
: You're supposed to say whether it's a good pairing or-
: It's a good pairing.
: There goes the whistle! On to the match!
1' - And England kick the match off, this is going to be an interesting one.
2' ENGLAND GOAL - Well, that didn't take long! Jack Wilshere's free kick is met by the head of Ryan Shawcross, who heads it into the net. What a brilliant header from the Stoke City captain! England are 1-0 up!
4' - Colin Maddison powers it towards goal, but it hits Ryan Shawcross instead, and the one-time goalscorer knocks it into the net anyway. Unfortunately the goal will stand, Shawcross was offside.
7' - It's Impersonate Your Idol Day for Jonjo Shelvey as he tries an Emile Heskey. His shot flies into the stands.
8' - Eden 'The White Heskey' Hazard's terrible free kick flies into the stands as well.
11' - Tom Ince crosses it in and Ryan Shawcross gets to the ball with his head again, but Simon Mignolet saves! Great save from the Roma goalie.
28' - Martin Kelly hits it but the ball goes right into the hands of Simon Mignolet.
29' - A beautiful cross from Kyle Naughton and Colin Maddison beats the keeper's hand to gets his head to it, but Anthony Vanden Borre blocks the shot, getting his body in between the ball and the net. Great defending from the West Brom man.
36' ENGLAND GOAL - Daniel Sturridge's cross finds Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, and with the goal at his mercy, the Ox fires it fiercely into the back of the net!
45' - It's half-time here and England are leading 2-0. As it stands, the Three Lions are going to be in their second consecutive European Championship Final.
HT: Belgium 0-2 England
45' - And we're back out. No changes from either side, let's see what Belgium can do.
47' - Eden Hazard's free kick is agonizingly close! A missed opportunity.
52' - Eden Hazard shoots! And it hits the crossbar! Romelu Lukaku races for the ball! And oh, Ryan Shawcross has pushed him down! It's a penalty!
52' - In his haste to clear the ball, Shawcross has only made it worst for his team. Will Lukaku add to his Euro 2020 five-goal tally?
52' - No he won't! What a fantastic save from Joe Hart! Romelu Lukaku attempts to strike it into the bottom right of the net but Hart gets to it easily, palming it away for a corner. Great stop from the England veteran!
58' ENGLAND GOAL - Jack Wilshere swings a corner in for Phil Jones. The England vice-captain is foolishly left unmarked and he easily heads it into the net past Mignolet to make it 3-0 for his side.
65' - Eden Hazard's free kick meets the head of Jan Vertonghen, but the Liverpool defender can't direct it properly and the ball goes over the net.
67' - England use up their three substitutions, with Raheem Sterling coming in for Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain. Shahbas Tabia is on for Jack Wilshere while Kyle Naughton is replaced by Leighton Baines.
68' - Belgium make changes as well, a double substitution with Bernard Malanda going off for Thor Devolder and Jelle Vossen is coming on for Romelu Lukaku.
69' Eden Hazard just can't get his shots on target. His latest attempt just misses slightly, and the United winger is visibly frustrated.
71' - Daniel Sturridge's shot is just wide, a missed chance to make it 4-0.
73' - A big chance for Belgium goes begging as Jelle Vossen finds himself one-on-one with Joe Hart, but Hart saves his effort superbly.
90' - And that's it, full-time. England are through to the Final, while Belgium will be wondering what the fuck happened there.
FT: Belgium 0-3 England