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Vauxhall Motors - The Path To Power

Bono in football? Follow his path to power!
Started on 5 March 2013 by Justice
Latest Reply on 9 July 2022 by Justice
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Hate Roy Keane even more now :/ Great couple of updates :)

Bono: Fletcher should not be starting for Scotland

In what seems to be the next episode in a media war regarding Roy Keane's decision to continuously start Steven Fletcher over Euan Smith for the Scottish national team, Vauxhall motors manager Paul Hewson has now entered the fray with some harsh words for both Roy Keane and Steven Fletcher. This is what he had to say:

Bono: "Steven Fletcher should not be starting for Scotland. Honestly, I can't believe Steven Fletcher's been picked to represent his country. He's so far below the level needed to play internationally that it can only be seen as a laughable decision. I have no idea what Roy Keane is thinking. He is a complete and utter fool to think that Steven Fletcher can achieve more up front than Euan Smith, the stats speak for themselves.

But of course, who am I to judge the 'great Roy Keane, master of international management'? The guy is a fool if he thinks starting a war against myself, Fergie, Kenny and Moyes will make him look like a great person. Well, he's wrong. We don't need him to be telling us that we're fools, all we were doing is stating that we believe Smith should be starting for Scotland, and then he went berserk about our opinions.

Well if he wants my opinion, I don't think he's cut out for the whole football management business. His 'genius work' is just a charade, the players did all the work. Sorry Scottish fans, but I think your FA made the wrong appointment!"

Great job Bono ;)
2013-06-28 01:10#116183 Glenn T : Great job Bono ;)
#KeaneOut :D

Low on budgets

Paul Hewson
James Talbut (chairman)

JT: "Good to see you Paul, what can I do for you today?"

PH: "Well the thing is Paul, we need a top midfielder in our side to replace Isaiah Osbourne and I do have a target in mind, but we appear to be quite low on budgets meaning I need more money to purchase this player."

JT: "What's wrong with Andrew Casey? He seems like a pretty good player for us."

PH: "Don't get me wrong, Casey is a brilliant player, but he's still only a teenager. We need an experienced, quality center midfielder in our squad in order to guarantee our safety this season and to keep pushing on next season for bigger and better things. Casey will become good in time, but it is now when we need to act."

JT: "I trust you have given this a lot of thought."

PH: "Yes boss, I have. I believe that this signing would help bring Vauxhall Motors to the next level and your investment would almost immediately be repaid by us staying in the the biggest league competition in the world."

JT: "Okay, you've made some valid points so I will agree to your request. Would your target be the Gary Gardner bloke from Middlesbrough that Sky Sports keep banging on about?"

PH: "The very one, James. I believe he is one of the best English midfielders around these days and him alongside Garbutt, Kaljuste or Casey would be fantastic for us."

JT: "Okay, and they wanted £4,300,000 for him? I will agree to that."

PH: "Well the thing is, James, that Southampton made the first move and they immediately made a bid of £9,250,000 which was accepted by Middlesbrough. The only way we are going to be able to get Gardner is if we match their bid."

JT: "Are you kidding me? That's over double his value! Okay.... I know you think highly of this player so I will do my best to make this transfer happen. I can't guarantee he will sign but I will try my best. Now if you don't mind, I have a meeting to attend so if you may show yourself the door."

PH: "Thank you, James. You won't regret this."

JT: "Oh, and Paul?"

PH: "Yeah boss?"

JT: "If by some luck of God that we do sign Gary Gardner and he ends up being a flop, that transfer fee is coming out of your pension fund."

PH: "I wouldn't expect any less, sir."

The New Affiliation

James Talbut: "I am delighted to announce that we, Vauxhall Motors Football Club, and the board of Stirling Albion Football Club have come to an agreement over an affiliation between our two clubs. Stirling Albion (Wikipedia Link) is a club in Scotland's second division, and a fine club at that. Our two boards see this affiliation as a great way for both clubs to improve and to move forward.

The main reason behind this affiliation is for us two clubs to be able to loan players to the other. For us, a team in the Barclays Premier League, we may loan our youngsters there in order for them to play regular first team football. For Stirling, a team in the Scottish second division, it is a chance for them to loan out some of their up and coming stars to us for us to be able to develop them in our academy. Our main priority is to guarantee a bright future for our younger players.

This is a fantastic opportunity for both clubs and I do hope that the future between Vauxhall Motors and Stirling Albion is bright and prosperous."

Very plush office!

Vauxhall snap up Gardner

Vauxhall Motors earlier today confirmed the signing of English midfielder Gary Gardner from NPower Championship side Middlesbrough on a deal lasting until 2024. The fee paid for the player is undisclosed but it is rumoured to be in the area of £9,250,000.

The 28 year old Solihull-born player has been a transfer target of Vauxhall manager Paul Hewson for several months now, ever since the midfielder handed in his transfer request to leave Middlesbrough. Sky Sports understands that Vauxhall narrowly beat Southampton to the player's signature and that Southampton boss Lee Clark will be frustrated to have missed out on the signing of Gardner.

Gary Gardner will be wearing the number 8 jersey for The Motormen and he has spoken of his delight to have signed a contract with this season's surprise package in the Premier League.

Gary Gardner: "I'm delighted to have signed with Vauxhall Motors. Vauxhall is a club which I have played against before and a club which I think can go places. This club has some great players like Garbutt, Cervantes and Smith and I can't wait to link up with them in training and on the pitch. I can promise the fans that I will be putting in a hundred-and-ten percent in to every single game and I will do my best to help Vauxhall achieve its aims."

The new Vauxhall midfielder will have to wait until his new club play Grimsby in the FA Cup next week to make his debut as he is cup-tied for the Capital One Cup second leg clash at St. James' Park where Vauxhall face Newcastle.

Credit to NICK for teaching me how to add captions to images :)
He looks pretty good. Unfortunate that you had to pay a lot more but I think he will be an excellent capture :)
2013-06-28 17:01#116333 neal09 : He looks pretty good. Unfortunate that you had to pay a lot more but I think he will be an excellent capture :)
Yeah that's what I'm hoping for :)
Great signing mate :D
Nice story mate, keep it going!
Surprised he's not an England International. I've seen him with better stats to be fair but he usually gets a few caps. Anyway, good signing :)
Cheers lads :)

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